Tag Archive | "Lord of the Rings"

IRS Commissioner Gollum Gets Grilled by Congress About His Precious Agency


Washington D.C. – This week has not been kind to Gollum and his “precious” agency, the Internal Revenge Service, as the creature has been on the hot seat having to answer for the mysterious disappearance of Lois Lerner’s relevant emails. Read the full story

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Since Breakup From Orlando Bloom, Many Men Now Fantasizing About Miranda Kerr


After reports surfaced that former Victoria’s Secrets model Miranda Kerr has split from her husband Orlando Bloom, millions of men admit to having fantasies about dating or having sex with her.

“Goddamn she’s single now!” exclaimed Nebraska construction worker Gerald Hornby. “I’d love to be the first one in her panties!”

“I can see myself doing her”, said New York bartender Larry Tish. “Hey, if she comes into the bar she won’t be able to resist me!”

Some men expressed interest in dating the model but withheld any preconceived sexual interest. “We should go out for dinner first”, said Los Angeles attorney Douglas Hartwell. “Then I could take her to the theater, maybe buy her a fur coat. Even fantasizing about sex would have to wait a couple of weeks for a classy gal like her”.

A small percentage of men expressed little interest in dating the curvaceous model. “She’d want me to buy her nice shoes and diamond rings and expensive shit like that”, said Macy’s Department Store worker Lloyd Johnson. “It’s all I can do now to take my gal out for dinner at Denny’s once a week”.

Meanwhile, some women expressed interest in dating her former husband and Lord of the Rings star Orlando Bloom. “He’s fricking hot and he’s rich!” said Bangor, Maine Starbucks barrister Shirley Filswhip. “He can park his shoes under my bed anytime!”

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