Facebook CEO Apologizes for ‘Discriminatory’ Lack of Heterosexual Emojis

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has launched a grovelling apology for the lack of sexually diverse emojis on Facebook.

Noticing the existence of a rainbow pride emoji, but not a boring straight-vanilla white flag one, the heterosexual community have begun lobbying fiercely, and have even threatened to quit Facebook completely.

It is rumored that despite the sexual revolution and the currently untapped hordes of closeted evangelical megachurch pastors, Wahhabi clerics and Republican representatives, the global heterosexual community is still fairly large and robust.

So, it is possible that if the heterosexual community carry out their threat of quitting Facebook completely,  it will be difficult for the LGBTHAGA community (Lesbian, Gay, Trans, Heteroflexible and Gender-Apathetic) to pick up the slack.

The new white flag emojis will be available soon, just in time for Straight Pride Week and the GOP’s ‘Celebration of Patriotic Christian Masculinity’ Friday Festival.

In the meantime, Zuckerberg counsels Facebook users not to flood him with alternative suggestions, as they are already struggling with the current proliferation of suggestions for the diversification of emojis.

Zuckerberg is even suggesting that some more trivial and meaningless suggestions, such as Neocons, KKK, and the highly marginalized Piers Morgan Appreciation Community, may have to be sidelined in favor of some more progressive alternatives: e.g. I Stand with Hillary, Iron Truncheon Antifa Warriors of Detroit, and the Tennessee Tankie Triphop Collective.

Image Attribution:

By DonkeyHotey (Mark Zuckerberg – Caricature) [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Author: Wallace Runnymede

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