PARDON ME! Trump’s Notes: Short and Long Lists (Along with Wishful List) of People to Pardon

Trying to court women, President Trump just pardoned Susan B. Anthony. He also has pardoned heavyweight boxing champion Jack Johnson. But, if you think the only women and African-Americans he cares about are long dead, he also pardoned Kim Kardashian’s friend Alice Marie Johnson, in jail on a drug charge.

Here’s his working list in this context, otherwise directed to political allies, FOX or other conservative media crony recommendations, celebrities, or Republicans.

Done

Roger Stone [“Advisor: Great Guy”]; Joe Arpaio [“Sheriff: Great Guy”]; Michael Milken [“Junk Bond King: Great Guy”]; “Scooter” Libby [“Could anybody named Scooter be dangerous?”]; Eddie DeBartolo, Jr. [“Maybe get votes from SF whack jobs”]; Bernard Kerik [“Rudy’s buddy; NY Police Commish”]; Army/Navy personnel Behenna, Golsteyn, Saucier, and Lorance [“What war crimes?”]; et al.

Short List

1. Paul Manafort [Ex-Campaign Chair: “Fake News and Liberal Conspiracy Victim”]
2. Michael Flynn [“Brief NSA Advisor: Great Guy, though I had to do an Apprentice on him”]
3. Other Campaign Workers, Favorable Advisors, Cabinet Members, Staffers and Lawyers
4. Navy Seals/ Army Rangers engaged in the good fight for America

Long List & Coming Attractions

1. The eight judges, from John Pickering in 1803 to Thomas Porteous in 2010, impeached by the House [“I feel their pain; West Hughes Humphreys was convicted for supporting the Confederacy, though I’m sure acting on his good conscience”]
2. Spiro Agnew [“Misjudged”]
3. Watergate and Iran/Contra teams not already pardoned [“Water under the bridge”]
4. A Republican tainted by Me-Too allegations that some court (9^th Circuit?) accepted [“Me Too”]
5. Richard B. Spencer, Jared Taylor, Peter Brimelow, David Duke and other Alt-right adherents needing pardoning [“Misunderstood”]
6. Aryan Brotherhood, Unite the Right, or Identity Evropa leaders and followers convicted of pseudo crimes by Obama judges [“The real issue is exercising right to free speech”]

Wishful List & More Celebrities

1. Shoeless Joe Jackson, Pete Rose, Mark McGwire, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Gary Sheffield, Jeff Bagwell [“What’s a little wagering? Steroids, it’s like Adderall, just a little pick-me-up”]
2. Pudge Rodriguez [“Same as above: Puerto Rico’s ours, though it’s no Greenland”]
3. Maybe Sammy Sosa, Manny Ramirez, and David Ortiz, though all come from the Dominican Republic, and Rafael Palmeiro too, though he’s from Cuba, to nail down Spanish vote”]
4. Harvey Weinstein [“Just for the heck of it”]
5. Al Capone [“Tax Evasion? C’mon now!]
6. Charles Manson, Jim Jones and the Branch Davidians [“A man’s religion IS a man’s religion”]
7. Ted Kaczynski – The Unabomber [“A little off kilter, but his wanting to destroy ‘the worldwide industrial system,’ prefigured the Deep State, and the NRA does rightfully cite the 2^nd Amendment in insisting Americans have the right to bear arms”]
8. Timothy McVeigh [“One Federal Building’s not exactly ‘draining the swamp,’ but . . . ]
9. Ted Bundy [“Okay, okay, a little over the top at the end, but we shouldn’t forget he once was a proud Washington State Republican”]
10. John Dillinger, Bonnie Parker, and Clyde Barrow [“Their movies convinced me they were really good people at heart who might today be wearing MAGA hats”]
11. Dirty Harry Callahan [“My God, it’s Clint Eastwood, Mr. MAGA himself!]
12. The Wolf of Wall Street and Jay Gatsby [“Capitalism Rocks!”]
13. Tony Soprano and Vito Corleone [“Get-things-done businessmen who demanded loyalty; I can relate to that”]
14. Lee Harvey Oswald [“Victim of the conspiracy of our times and – I can relate — supposedly beholden to the Russians”]
15. Pardon Me! [“Always polite and thinking ahead”]