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From a little while back…
I’ve just realized my greatest weakness is my greatest strength.
If I am very emotionally sensitive, such that seeing a homeless person or a piece of music can reduce me to floods of tears, and if this is a root cause of all that is wicked and flawed and fallen in me…Then why can’t use this very sensitivity to help me, so that I can be good to myself and others?
What if I used things like some amateur, self-prescribed music therapy, in order to make sure that the thinness and the porous virtue of my skin actually works to my benefit, and to the benefit of the many?
I don’t know why I never thought about it before.
If this is the root of my malady, it is also the root of my restoration.
If the potential for pain is great, and the potential for joy is greater still.
I do not have push my friends and family away, and I do not have to distance myself from myself; which is also a very great pain for me.
I can use this weakness to my advantage; instead of hurting me, it can help me. And it will help me be good to everyone else. My ‘thin skin’ can let good feelings and happiness in as easy as negative and unhappy feelings; all I need to do is be attentive to what is nourishing and gentling and enkindling me, and what is starving and hurting and impoverishing me.
Do you not think that this is the way I can finally make my way towards something like the person I have always had the chance to be?
I’ve realized some positive things tonight. I’m starting to understand myself a little better, and to work out how to gradually, painstaking and LOVINGLY emerge from the morass.
Others have shown me mercy; I would be ashamed to insult and betray and wound them by not showing myself mercy also