Category: Health
Blue M&Ms Set for Medical Trials
Rochester Medical Center, New York —An announcement today by the spokesperson of the Rochester Medical Center in New York confirmed that the Mars Candy Company will stage an historic three-year long medical trial with their blue M&Ms candy.
Marks & Spencer Clerks to Spot Suicidal Shoppers
Under the latest EU legislation to impose a Big Bully federal state, the UK’s Ministry for Daft Ideas has ordained that the likes of hairdressers and taxi drivers are to be trained to help spot vulnerable people who might be…
Kid’s Cold Hits Head Like Like Hammer of Snot
If ever I had reason to complain about something, this would probably be it. I mean, I would complain about it, if only I could, but I just can’t. I’m much too under the weather to protest. Still, I have…
“E-Coli Closes Petting Zoos” Says Captain Obvious
Parents should not allow young children to touch animals at petting zoos around the Southampton area of the south coast of England, a Porton Down germ warfare centre microbiologist advised a reporter from the Daily Shitraker amid fears of an…
Hippies in Power: Cars to Blame for ‘All’ Bike Crunches
New Labour’s Ministry for Daft Ideas has come up with a brilliant scheme to introduce novel laws in a bid to promote greener transport methods and are considering making motorists legally responsible for all fender-bender accidents involving cyclists or pedestrians…
GlaxoSmithKline “Not” Intimidating HPV Shot Victims
A mother who is initiating legal action against the PoxoShitSlime pharmaceutical giant – claiming her daughter was left partially paralysed after being shot up with their toxic HPV anti-cancer vaccine – has been told by local authority’s Gestapo style ‘Bully…
Bed Sharing ‘Bad for your Health’, Says Bummer Council
The results of a three year survey commissioned by the Ministry for Wasting Time & Money has concluded couples should consider sleeping apart for the good of their health (mental as well as physical) and overall emotional relationship.
GOP Leader Tells Cancer Victim to “Beg for Charity”
US House Minority Whip Eric Cantor (R-Va.) wins the award for Scumbag Politician of the Week – a widely contested prize around Congress these past few years – with both Democrats and Republics running neck and neck in the qualifying…
Yob Artificial Brain Prototype Test OK
A detailed functional artificial human brain will be available on the National Health Service within the next year – if we don’t all die of Sneezy Pig virus this autumn – or the effects of the toxic anti-flu vaccine –…
Killer Biscuits Banned in EU Coffee Shops
The latest piece of asinine legislature to emerge from the EU’s Ministry for Wasting Time and Money in Brussels involves HSE risk assessments for every possible human function and endeavour – from brewing a cup of tea or coffee to…