Archive | Comics

Gosh, This Cocaine Sure Smells Amazing (comic)

Gosh, This Cocaine Sure Smells Amazing (comic)

Know how some things just smell fantastic? Roses, fresh tennis balls, your own farts? It’s all the same, but for this guy, he just really loves the smell of cocaine, and as he huffs it up gram-by-gram, he continues to learn a new appreciation for it.

If you don’t know what cocaine smells like, you should cut yourself off a line, harf it up, and tell me it’s not the sweetest burn of back-of-head-burning-aspirin you’ve ever had the pleasure of… let’s crank up some music! Continue Reading

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What’s the Best Thing About Being a Dog? (comic)

What’s the Best Thing About Being a Dog? (comic)

A well kept dog is generally a happy animal, but why is it so happy? Is it because of all the love you lavish upon it, or just because it can’t remember that you cut off its reproductive organs so you could have a pet?

Why can’t it be all that. All that and so much more. The only part that matters is that your dog loves you and has a happy life, and you made all that possible. Just accept that the tongue lapping your face was on balls and ass mere minutes before and rejoice in the love you get. Continue Reading

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Unconditional Love Granted, Conditionally (comic)

Unconditional Love Granted, Conditionally (comic)

We all know what love is, it’s falling unconditionally in love with another person so that they can do no wrong… until, of course, they actually do wrong, then to hell with them! Amirite?

The conditions on your love may be simple or complex, plain or convoluted, but one truth remains, it’s impossibly bullshitty.

Him going to game night with his buddies, like has since forever, is actually normal. Her buying makeup you don’t think she needs is just part of her ritual. Continue Reading

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Ever Wondered About the Gross Taste in Your Mouth? (comic)

Ever Wondered About the Gross Taste in Your Mouth? (comic)

Dogs are great, but also weird and sometimes a bit gross. You know how unpleasant it is when you burp up the taste of onion rings… yeah, well, imagine you have the diet of a dog.

Personally, I’ve never had never had this experience. Then again, there’s a lot of things I haven’t done. Unlike all the others I can think of, this one isn’t on my bucket list. Continue Reading

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Man Falls in “Like”, Girlfriend Unamused (comic)

Man Falls in “Like”, Girlfriend Unamused (comic)

You ever met a girl you thought was really awesome? Like awesome enough you might even love, but you were afraid to say it? Well not saying it can hold risks as big as that of over-sharing your feelings.

Maybe you guys have hung out a bunch, maybe you’ve just met, maybe you haven’t even met yet, but have made passionate love in dangerous and regrettable ways for days. No matter the case, this comic is for you. Continue Reading

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Domesticated Dog Claims to Slay Rabbit, Citation Needed (comic)

Domesticated Dog Claims to Slay Rabbit, Citation Needed (comic)

If you’ve ever let your cat outside, you’ve surely been presented with a trophy kill. Maybe a mouse, a bird, or a smallish neighbor child. Fair enough, lesser creatures need to be selected out.

Dogs, on the other hand, are more likely to bring errant poo into your house, or maybe another dog you’ve never seen before. What can we say, you have the best Snausages in town. Continue Reading

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Why did the hipster shop at the thrift store (comic)

Why did the hipster shop at the thrift store (comic)

Hipsters are odd, unpredictable sorts of people. They do things that at the same time seem needlessly expensive and perfectly hobo-esque. There’s just no predicting them, and they like it that way.

So why did the hipster shop at the thrift store? You may think you know the answer, but even if you do, and even if you’re right, you’re surely wrong, as they shift so quickly with the winds, so as never to be in-the-moment cool. Continue Reading

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Canine Bulemia Sweeping the Nation (comic)

Canine Bulemia Sweeping the Nation (comic)

Everyone wants to be thin and pretty, so it’s easy to see why our beloved dogs fall victim to the same sorts of pressure as humans.

We could be thin by exercising self-restraint, or, you know, we could just jam a fist down our pie-hole and wretch ourselves inside out. Ta-da! We’re thin. Continue Reading

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How Many Ways Will You Take Shots/Shoots in New Orleans (comic)

How Many Ways Will You Take Shots/Shoots in New Orleans (comic)

We’ve all been in party situations, even if we haven’t been in unbridled places like Matazlan, Cabo or Ibiza for Spring Break. No matter, you likely know the value of a shot, even if it is second hand.

This is the story of a couple taking a weekend to New Orleans, their plans for enjoying it, and the madness that may ensue. Continue Reading

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If You Had Your Life to do Over Again (comic)

If You Had Your Life to do Over Again (comic)

If you had your whole life to do over again, what would you do differently? Would you never agree to date that woman who turned out to be your evil ex-wife? Would you not have children? Would you have refrained from dumping a steaming mess in your boss’s trash can after the Christmas party?

We can’t go back, but we can imagine what it would be like, had we such an opportunity. And best of all, moving forward, we can live our lives as if that’s our new reality. Continue Reading

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You Are Seriously Racist (comic)

You Are Seriously Racist (comic)

Sometimes, as a white person, you just want to speak your peace. You don’t feel your being racist, and maybe you’re right, though it’s statistically unlikely.

Just open your mind and speak your peace and let the cards fall where they may… yep, you’re a racist.

I don’t know how the dark guy got his head distorted, but nobody jumped up to stop me. Calling me a racist for having accidentally crafted him in such a way is de-facto reverse racism… How dare you! Continue Reading

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40th Birthday Completely Disappointing (comic)

40th Birthday Completely Disappointing (comic)

Imagine if you threw a war and nobody came? Well that would never happen, since you’d just invade their asses and claim them as your own. But you can throw a 40th birthday and watch it dissolve into nothing but wasted shrimp platters and countless empty chairs.

This comic is about exactly that. I’m not 40, but that’s not the point, and this comic isn’t quite rooted in reality.

I could go on for days, but I’ll spare you and just say that you can SCROLL DOWN to see the full comic.

Brian is on temporary personal leave but has left us with an innumerous backlog of comics to share until his return. Check back for daily updates.

84-birthday-party

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How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? (comic)

How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? (comic)

It’s the age-old question. Seriously, how many of a particular group does it take to change a light bulb?

In my house the answer is somewhere between zero and one. If it’s me doing it, it’s one, if anybody else is in charge, it’s zero, because it just never happens. Have so many burnt out in the house it just makes no sense. We poke ourselves in the face constantly in the dimness of our laziness. Continue Reading

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Jesus May Appear in Many (exclusively white) Forms (comic)

Jesus May Appear in Many (exclusively white) Forms (comic)

Throughout the new testament, especially after the crucifixion, Jesus appeared to different people in different form. It would be easy to laugh this off as confirmation bias in the face of obviously damning evidence, but Jesus doesn’t believe in damnation as much as salvation.

I’m something of an expert on salvation. It is literally my middle name. I’m not joking. It’s printed on my license. I know what I’m talking about. Continue Reading

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Have You Tried Our New Dog Food? (comic)

Have You Tried Our New Dog Food? (comic)

If you’ve ever watched television, you know there’s always a new product on TV trying to make your dog’s smile brighter, her coat shinier, and her trot that much more trotsome… but can you believe it?

This was inspired by my buddy who is a very successful feed rep in the northwest, though I’m sure he’d prefer I don’t call him out by name. Continue Reading

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If you love her, put a threesome ring on it (comic)

If you love her, put a threesome ring on it (comic)

Quick note before we get started… as sexy as these things may seem on the surface, they’re terribly disappointing, horribly divisive, and generally the end of your relationship.

Some guys haven’t learned that yet, which is the basis of today’s cartoon, so consume it accordingly. Continue Reading

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