Speak English or Go Home, This is ‘Merica (comic)

The turbo-patriots like to cling to some notion of America than never was, like saying we’re a Christian nation (we aren’t,) or that English should be our national language (it shouldn’t.)

If you really want to lavish your founders with undue and absurd praise, I’ll take it back a tad further. The Western world was discovered by none other than the small-earct navigator Christopher Columbus, to his tremendous luck.

Had math been as right as it was, which is was, he’d have starved to death in the Atlantic… but no, turns out there’s land there.

So yes, you guys are right, my dear and highly bigoted friends, this should be an English speaking nation, just like our discoverer intended… um, right?

To see all of my comics, including the many that have yet to be published, go to GlossyNews.com/c. It also includes details and commentary you won’t find anywhere else.

Brian is on temporary personal leave but has left us with an innumerous backlog of comics to share until his return. Check back for daily updates.


Author: Brian K. White

Brian first began peddling his humorous wares with a series of Xerox printed books in fifth grade. Since then he's published over two thousand satire and humor articles, as well as eight stage plays, a 13-episode cable sitcom and three (terrible) screenplays. He is a freelance writer by trade and an expert in the field of viral entertainment marketing. He is the author of many of the biggest hoaxes of recent years, a shameful accomplishment in which he takes exceptional pride.

3 thoughts on “Speak English or Go Home, This is ‘Merica (comic)

  1. Brian, Columbus did not discover "America". The Vikings were here long before, and recent evidence would suggest that the Chinese were on the west coast before they were, none of which is any more material than your argument that English is not our national language because Columbus didn't speak it.

    While I agree that we do not have an official language, the closest we have is an official language for government documents, which was voted on by congress and English won in a narrow race against German, we do have a de facto language, English.

    Why is it an attack to ask that people who immigrate to a nation learn to speak the common tongue? In many other countries it is a requirement of citizenship or a resident visa to be able to speak the language.

    Teddy Roosevelt wrote:
    We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language, for we intend to see that the crucible turns our people out as Americans, of American nationality, and not as dwellers in a polyglot boarding-house; and we have room for but one soul loyalty, and that is loyalty to the American people."

    His point was a very valid one. We are a democratic republic, the safety and health of the nation is dependant on a common loyalty and a boarding house of nations does not have any such loyalty to each other. The lack of this requirement has led us down the path we are in where a nation of people with the power to stop it have become ruled by a few wealthy people. With a sense of community this could have been avoided, with a sense of we and is instead of my and I this nation could again be great and not ruled by lobbying groups, special interests and more concerned with reality tv than the destruction of our freedoms.

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