Archive | Books, Newspapers & Misc

A Date w/ Petraeus: You’re either “All In or All Out”

A Date w/ Petraeus: You’re either “All In or All Out”

Paula Broadwell and Rielle Hunter will be starting an exclusive club calling it “Groucars”. The name is a portmanteau of Groupie and Cougar. Membership is restricted to women in their 40’s with a hankering for older guys holding high governmental positions.

Paula was “embedded” in Afghanistan with General Petraeus for a year between July 2010 and 2011. In her free time she wrote a biography of Mr. Petraeus and titled her book, “All In: The Education of General David Petraeus”. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc4 Comments

Blockbuster Book Reveals Adolf Hitler’s Most Personal Moments

Blockbuster Book Reveals Adolf Hitler’s Most Personal Moments

Berlin, Germany – (SatireWorld.com) Workers excavating a world war II bunker discovered a treasure trove of historical photos and secret documents.

Many are considered new and previously unseen and include personal photos of Adolf Hitler candidly taken by Ava Braun, his mistress.

For many years after the end of the war in 1945, rumors persisted that the Nazi leader farted openly for his sexual pleasure while bathing in a luxurious bathtub in the German Chancellery.

PHOTO INSERT: Corporal Belk claims Hitler once sunk a replica of the British battleship HMS Hood with a well-directed fart and quick light of a match. He downplayed rumors of any Jewish yellow rubber ducks being involved Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, World News4 Comments

Newspapers Decline as Baked Beans Continue to Boom

Newspapers Decline as Baked Beans Continue to Boom

New figures show the continuing decline of print newspaper circulation all over the world.

Circulation is down a further 15% from last year’s figures, meaning that fewer people are buying a newspaper.

Professor John McDonald, department head of the scientific study of journalism said: “It would appear that the figures show fewer people are purchasing newspapers, which will mean less papers are sold”. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc4 Comments

50 Shades of Gray Author Shockingly Honored

50 Shades of Gray Author Shockingly Honored

The author of the 50 Shades trilogy has been handed the Nobel Prize for Peace.

In what the literally, scientific and political world are deeming a ‘horrible, shocking mistake’, Erika Leonard was presented with the prize in Oslo City Hall in Norway, a little earlier then the planned announcement.

The committee behind the decision have fiercely defended their actions in a statement following the ceremony: Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc4 Comments

Iranian News Agency Goof: Thought Onion Spoof About Rednecks Liking Ahmajinadad was Real

Iranian News Agency Goof: Thought Onion Spoof About Rednecks Liking Ahmajinadad was Real

Note to readers, this article is an experiment in new software equipment that makes the material visible to the public reading audience as it is typed and being viewed by an editor.

It reflects an effort by the journalistic community to get the latest news and writings out to the reading community with as little delay and interference as possible. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Internets Tubes4 Comments

Paul Ryan Devastated by Ayn Rand Revelation

Paul Ryan Devastated by Ayn Rand Revelation

During a campaign stop in Virginia Friday, Republican vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan was rocked by the revelation that Ayn Rand’s books were fiction.

He had intended to make a quick walk thru of a small locally owned book store when he stumbled upon the very books he bases his political philosophies on in the fiction section.

While this was a widely known fact, it appears that the revelation truly impacted his self confidence. He was quickly ushered back to his tour bus by his security detail and was not available for immediate comment.

After being questioned by several reporters at the event, a spokesman for the campaign would only offer this comment under the condition that their name not be revealed.

“This discovery has been very hard on our candidate. He has followed these books in his relentless desire to save our country and he was not emotionally prepared to have to deal with this type of information at this point in the campaign. He was repeatedly uttering that he now understood how it felt to be a Scientologist.”

The campaign could not provide information on whether Congressman Ryan would suspend his involvement in the campaign at this time or continue on until the general election.

This is a developing story and we will update you as more information becomes available.

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Politics17 Comments

Beware of the Partisanship Disease!

Beware of the Partisanship Disease!

Partisanship is not a figurative expression, but quite real. It is, in fact, an actual chronic disease. If you know someone who has come down with the conservative or liberal version of this infection, take heart: there is a cure!

People who have trouble telling the difference between female law students and prostitutes don’t have to suffer any longer. Nor do people who have the compulsion to pitch tents in front of banks thinking they’re “occupying” them. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc3 Comments

Romney Devours ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ In Effort to Win Over Female Voters

Romney Devours ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ In Effort to Win Over Female Voters

WASHINGTON D.C. – In a new and controversial campaign strategy designed to appeal to female voters, Republican nominee Mitt Romney began reading the wildly popular erotic novel Fifty Shades of Grey.

Rich Cromwell, a Romney campaign advisor, suggested that while the economy, education, and abortion rights have typically been issues women are most vocal about, the highest trending topic among the demographic is currently Fifty Shades of Grey. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc2 Comments

Teen Takes a Few Minutes Away from <i>Skyrim</i> to Spend Quality Time with <i>Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3</i>

Teen Takes a Few Minutes Away from Skyrim to Spend Quality Time with Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3

INDIANAPOLIS – After playing The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim on his PlayStation 3 for twelve solid hours Tuesday, local teen Benjamin White finally took a few moments away from the highly popular video game to spend some much needed quality time with Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3.

According to his PS3’s record log, White has not spent any meaningful time with the military-based computer game since November 9 – two days before purchasing Skyrim. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Internets Tubes3 Comments

Satire May Be a Dying Art, Thanks to Internet Trolls

Satire May Be a Dying Art, Thanks to Internet Trolls

Serious concerns have been raised in the United Kingdom, over the future of online satire as an art form, a development which has also caused consternation in the United States.

In the UK, a number of high profile court cases have resulted in successful prosecutions of internet trolls, much to the disgust of genuine satirists, who feel that they in turn are suffering as a result of trolling.

The trolls target the famous, the recently bereaved, and basically anybody they feel like being nasty towards. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc7 Comments

Fox News to Add Laugh Track

Fox News to Add Laugh Track

NEW YORK CITY, NY – The Fox News Network has announced plans to include a laughter track in its daily broadcasts in an effort to aid viewers, who have reportedly struggled to decipher between the show’s serious and humorous segments.

Fox News, a key endeavor of the Rupert Murdoch media enterprise, has aired daily since 1996, and is famous for presenting its “surreal and often hilarious” news agenda in a stylized deadpan manner. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc5 Comments

Onion Intern Fired for Suggesting Satire on Obama Actually be Directed at Obama

Onion Intern Fired for Suggesting Satire on Obama Actually be Directed at Obama

CHICAGO–An intern for The Onion, a popular satirical newspaper based right here in the Windy City, was fired last week for violating the cardinal rule of media (yes, even satirical media).

Apparently, the young “reporter” submitted an idea to his editor to actually satirize President Obama. And no, he wasn’t kidding.

“Seriously?!” exclaimed the unbelieving editor. “Everyone (well at least I thought everyone) knows when we say bring us satire on Obama, that doesn’t mean satirize Obama! It means bring us something that merely uses Obama to make fun of the idiots on the other side.”

“But I thought we were supposed to be creating and defending the satire of politics, not the politics of satire?” replied the dimwitted intern quite dimwittedly.

“You see, there’s your problem: you thought. Oh, and by the way, you’re fired.”

It seems this is not the first time this particular moron has been told to ‘hit the bricks.’ His resume shows previously employment with The Daily Show for exactly one hour and before that, SNL, for much less.

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Internets Tubes3 Comments

<i>Black Fists of Power Magazine</i> Scores Attorney General Eric Holder Interview

Black Fists of Power Magazine Scores Attorney General Eric Holder Interview

Chicago (AP) – In an exclusive interview with Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Black Fists of Power Magazine Managing Editor, America’s Chief Law Enforcement Officer continued to dodge responsibility for malfeasance at the Department of Justice that even the Associated Press and the New York Times have been unable to ignore. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Politics4 Comments

Comic Books Say POW to Cancer

Comic Books Say POW to Cancer

Link found between comic books and reduction in cancer risk.

In a world where everything can give you cancer scientists have found that reading comic books reduces the risk.

According to scientists at Brown University ‘a comic book a day can keep cancer at bay’. Having found no real reason for the link they are now speculating about the idea of the readers ‘absorbing’ the powers from the characters which prevents cancer growth as they found readers of the X-Men comics have the lowest risk beloved to be directly related to the character Wolverine, who can regenerate. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc1 Comment

Freaking Journalist Agitates Candidates, Deemed “Terrorist”

Freaking Journalist Agitates Candidates, Deemed “Terrorist”

Police are on the look out for a rouge freelance journalist suspected of reckless disregard of media protocol and assault with a rhetorical question. The unknown journalist first struck at a Romney campaign stop in New Hampshire and asked about rumors of undisclosed offshore wealth. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Politics2 Comments

SEAL Team 6 Memoir Reveals Photo of Team Member Who Actually Shot Bin Laden

SEAL Team 6 Memoir Reveals Photo of Team Member Who Actually Shot Bin Laden

The Pentagon – (SatireWorld.com) History was made today when Cmdr. David Montgomery’s tell all book concerning the successful Navy SEAL Team 6 raid on the Osama Bin Laden compound last year made the NY Times best seller list. According to the book, which fully illustrates the behind the scenes activity hours before the raid, it seems it was lead by a former US President and he’s the one that actually killed Bin Laden with a carefully aimed head shot. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Top Stories0 Comments

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