Author: BC Bass
Old Man Potter Saves Bedford Falls from Subprime Lender, Bailey
BEDFORD FALLS, IN (GlossyNews) — Five more financial institutions were closed this week by federal regulators, bringing the total number of U.S. failed banks this year to 140, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation said. OneWest Bank was the first casualty…
Dispute Over Persian Gulf Naming Rights Leads to Name Calling
TEHRAN, Iran (GlossyNews) — Airlines refusing to call the waterway between Iran and the Arabian peninsula the ‘Persian Gulf’ will be banned from Iranian airspace, the transport minister told local media. The warning was directed toward air carriers in neighboring…
CNN President Throws Tantrum After Wasting Millions on Bogus Tsunami Coverage
HILO, HI (GlossyNews) — When civil defense sirens roused Hawaiians from sleep on Saturday morning, the threat of a potentially destructive tsunami was on its way. In an impressive response, Hawaii’s scientists, government officials, first-responders and citizens showed exemplary calm…
Cheney’s Heart Conducts Preemptive Attack — Expects to Be Greeted as Liberator
WASHINGTON (GlossyNews) — On February 24, 2010, former U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney was released from the hospital, three days after suffering his fifth heart attack. A spokesman said that the 69-year-old Cheney, known as “Angler” to his friends, will…
80-year-old Burglar Gets Life In California Prison
TORRANCE, CA (GlossyNews) — An 80-year-old woman with a criminal record stretching back to 1955 has been sentenced to die in state prison for the theft of petty cash from a local temporary staffing office. Activists have criticized the judge’s…
Dairy Apologizes for “Milf” Misunderstanding
CITY OF INDUSTRY, CA (GlossyNews) — Toward the end of World War II in 1945, the Stueve family of California founded Alta Dena Dairy. Throughout the 1950s, it earned a reputation as one of the most innovative farms with its…
Controversial Study Finds Jews Did Not Kill Jesus, Crucifixion Did
SALT LAKE CITY, UT (GlossyNews) — There are approximately 38,000 denominations of Christianity in existence today, making it the most widely practiced religion in the world with over 2.1 billion adherents. And although each sect agrees on the fundamental assumption…
Sen. Bob Dole Hospitalized: Dozens of Blue Pills Found Bedside
KANSAS CITY, MO (GlossyNews) — Former Sen. Bob Dole was hospitalized briefly this week, but is recovering comfortably at the Walter Reed Army Medical Center. Dole is an attorney and retired United States Senator from Kansas. Today, Dole is more…
Alan Jackson’s Problem w/ World Geography Spurs Reform in Georgia Schools
NEWNAN, GA — In a report issued by the Institute of Southern Studies, teachers in the South have become the largest casualties of the recession. According to researchers, the study “finds that many schools, especially in the South, are slashing…
Man Living with Parents Mauled to Death by Cougar
OTTAWA, ON – After winning a lengthy legal battle for the right to keep exotic cougars on his property in rural Ontario, Buford Starwarrior was mauled to death by a 125-pound animal. Starwarrior, a 26-year-old shut-in and aspiring comic book…