Posted in Society

Cops to Use Womb as Rape Evidence Locker

Swee Chung Ting, an alleged rape victim in New Mexico, is seeking to charge the state for use of her womb as an evidence locker. It began with submission of legislation to make abortion illegal in New Mexico in cases…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Cops to Use Womb as Rape Evidence Locker
Posted in World News

Syrian Aircraft Attack U.S. Naval Station in Norfolk, Virginia

U.S. government spokespersons today confirmed an attack by Syrian aircraft on the U.S. Naval Station in Norfolk, Virginia. The target appeared to be a shipment of Patriot surface-to-air missiles intended for Israel. RIGHT: Syrian aircraft releasing their weapons. (CLICK TO…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Syrian Aircraft Attack U.S. Naval Station in Norfolk, Virginia
Posted in Biz News

SodaStream’s Commitment to Green Love and Freedom

SodaStream CEO Daniel Burnbomb has taken his company from a modest novelty manufacturer to an international sensation that is selling millions of home carbonation machines world wide and will have a half million-dollar advert during the most watched event in…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! SodaStream’s Commitment to Green Love and Freedom
Posted in Biz News

We Need More Debt, Please

My cousin Penin Diaz, a used car salesman, claims to have found the solution to stimulating the economy, ending the home foreclosure crisis and reducing unemployment (or at least the loss of income due to unemployment). I unfortunately owe him…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! We Need More Debt, Please
Posted in Top Stories

U.S. Congressman defends citizen right to all weapons

U.S. Congressman Ted Yoho (Republican – Florida) has come out in favor of American citizens owning the same weapons as the U.S. military. “On guns, [my constituents] were saying that the sentiment, when you read the Second Amendment, is that…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! U.S. Congressman defends citizen right to all weapons
Posted in World News

Israeli Forces Arrest 1-year-old Palestinian Terrorist

Alert Israeli forces yesterday thwarted a potential terrorist attack by a 1-year-old Palestinian. The terrorist, Qamar Awad, was among nineteen arrested on land in the south Hebron hills that is in the process of being liberated from Palestinians. I spoke…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Israeli Forces Arrest 1-year-old Palestinian Terrorist
Posted in Politics

Presidential Inauguration is for Deserving Corporations, not Unemployed

The U.S. National Park Service has denied a permit to the ANSWER Coalition for a demonstration in support of the unemployed in Freedom Plaza during the Presidential Inauguration on January 21, 2013 in Washington, D.C. Instead, the space will be…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Presidential Inauguration is for Deserving Corporations, not Unemployed
Posted in Politics

NRA Opens Gaza Chapter

The National Rifle Association announced today the opening of its new chapter in the Palestinian Gaza Strip. Wayne LePire, NRA Executionary Vice President, said the establishment of an NRA chapter in Gaza was long overdue. RIGHT: The NRA’s new Gaza…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! NRA Opens Gaza Chapter
Posted in World News

Netanyahu: Palestinian settlements are an obstacle to peace

Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu today denounced the establishment of a new Palestinian settlement in the area that Israel calls E1. The Palestinians are calling the new neighborhood Bab al-Shams (“Gate of the Sun”). RIGHT: Palestinians build a new settlement…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Netanyahu: Palestinian settlements are an obstacle to peace
Posted in Politics

The Koch Addiction

It’s not every day that a U.S. Congressman wants to talk to a reporter about his addiction. In keeping with his request for anonymity, however, I have deleted any references that might reveal his identity, and therefore refer to him…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! The Koch Addiction
Posted in Top Stories

The National Rifle Association Revises Its Proposal

RIGHT: The National Rifle Association unveils its new proposal for protecting schools. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

WTF?! Click now to find out more! The National Rifle Association Revises Its Proposal
Posted in World News

Hamas: Weapons are being smuggled into Israel

The Hamas government in Gaza is charging that weapons are being smuggled into Israel. “We are doing our best to blockade Israel and prevent everything except low-nutrition food and minimal medical supplies from entering,” said spokesperson Jehad al-Muqawama “but regardless…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Hamas: Weapons are being smuggled into Israel
Posted in World News

The Budding U.S.-al-Qaeda Reconciliation

The US and al-Qaeda find themselves on the same side again. Ayman al-Zawarhiri, the top leader of al-Qaeda has issued a call for a religious war against Syria, as has Hilary Clinton, the US Secretary of State. I caught up…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! The Budding U.S.-al-Qaeda Reconciliation
Posted in Top Stories

Operation Pillar of Cloud: Jewish Feds raise $5 million for both victims

Within days of the Israeli attack on Gaza, code named Pillar of Cloud (Hebrew) and Pillar of Defense (English), the Jewish Federations of North America announced that they had raised an astonishing $5 million for the victims. When I told…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Operation Pillar of Cloud: Jewish Feds raise $5 million for both victims
Posted in Top Stories

Israel: Petraeus was unfaithful to us

This reporter has confirmed some of the suspicions that CIA Director David Petraeus’ infidelity went well beyond his dalliance with Paula Broadwell. One well-placed source confirmed that, “My God, if we had to sack everyone in the military and intelligence…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Israel: Petraeus was unfaithful to us
Posted in Politics

Obama “best is yet to come” confirmed by projections for 3012

Social scientists working with computer models have confirmed U.S. President Barack Obama’s election night statement that, “…for the United States of America, the best is yet to come.” RIGHT: U.S. President Barack Obama predicts, “the best is yet to come,”…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Obama “best is yet to come” confirmed by projections for 3012
Posted in Politics

Romney and Obama Both Concede

GlossyNews.com – GlossyNews has learned that the presidential candidates of the two major parties have both decided to concede the election. Partly for reasons unknown, but mostly to spare the American people the frustration of waiting for the results. Since…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Romney and Obama Both Concede
Posted in Politics

Netanyahu Declares Candidacy for U.S. President

GlossyNews.com – Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu today called a press conference to announce that he would accept the position of U.S. President, which he hoped would end the acrimony and divisiveness of the Romney-Obama rivalry for the office. Following…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Netanyahu Declares Candidacy for U.S. President
Posted in World News

Bus Ad Tells Congress: Don’t Support Hamas

The Los Angeles-based Israel advocacy group Stand With Us has begun running bus advertisements in San Francisco asking the U.S. Congress not to support the Palestinian resistance group Hamas. According to spokesperson Dr. Macho Harass, the level of Congressional support…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Bus Ad Tells Congress: Don’t Support Hamas
Posted in Politics

“We Can’t Allow the People to Steal This Election”

The right of money to decide elections is being tested in Richmond, California (pop. 105,000), a suburb of San Francisco and Oakland. In a clear rebuke to American-style democracy, millions of dollars from huge corporations may prove inadequate to win…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! “We Can’t Allow the People to Steal This Election”
Posted in World News

Dershowitz Breaks Mideast Deadlock, Promises to Fix

The Israeli daily newspaper Haaretz announced September 25, 2012, that Harvard law professor and Israel advocate Alan Dershowitz had broken the deadlock between Israel and the Palestinian Authority with a revolutionary new plan for a settlement freeze. Details of the…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Dershowitz Breaks Mideast Deadlock, Promises to Fix
Posted in Politics

Republican strategy to overcome roll-down airplane windows

It may have been my old AMC Rambler1 but it was the chance of a lifetime when Republican Presidential nominee Mitt Romney gave me an exclusive press pass to last weekend’s Republican National Committee strategy session. Here is how it…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Republican strategy to overcome roll-down airplane windows
Posted in World News

Ehud Barak’s (latest) “Generous Offer” to the Palestinians

Israel’s current Defense Minister and former Prime Minister Ehud Barak was plainly anxious to see me. “You’ve got to get down here right away, Barb, or I’m going to give this story to someone else,” he said over the phone….

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Ehud Barak’s (latest) “Generous Offer” to the Palestinians
Posted in Top Stories

Exclusive to GlossyNews.com: Romney explains, “It’s a different 47%.”

In the aftermath of the 47% controversy, Republican Presidential Nominee Mitt Romney was besieged with requests for clarification. However, this journalist was able to reach him in the shower and force him to answer questions before giving him his towel,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Exclusive to GlossyNews.com: Romney explains, “It’s a different 47%.”
Posted in Biz News

Wal-Mart to Reduce Prices to Zero

“We’re all about low prices” took on a new meaning today, as international retail giant Wal-Mart Corporation announced that it would henceforth accept indentured servitude in lieu of cash or credit payment. “It has always been our policy to make…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Wal-Mart to Reduce Prices to Zero
Posted in Top Stories

Fed Announces Major Wealth Creation Plan to Aid Wealthy

U.S. Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke has announced a new plan to stimulate the economy by using public funds to buy up toxic mortgage-backed securities. “Nobody else will buy this crap,” said Bernanke, “so let’s get the American taxpayer to…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Fed Announces Major Wealth Creation Plan to Aid Wealthy
Posted in Environment

Israel Protects Palestinian Land from Use

Uri Gnorant of the Israeli Bureau of Land Redemption was eager to see me. “I’m glad you’re here,” he said. “You reporters talk about how little we do for Palestinians. This is a chance to set the record straight. When…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Israel Protects Palestinian Land from Use
Posted in Politics

Democrats Narrowly Avert Threat of Democracy

In a historic and unprecedented move, the Democratic Party asked the delegates at its 2012 national convention in Charlotte, North Carolina to use democratic procedures to approve a platform amendment. At the last minute, however, they avoided the whim of…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Democrats Narrowly Avert Threat of Democracy
Posted in Biz News Crime

Goldman Sachs to Make Money from Young Convicts

Goldman Sachs, the Wall Street investment firm that profited heavily from the world-wide collapse in subprime mortgage bonds, has announced that it will participate in a bold new experiment to apply the principles of greed and the profit motive to…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Goldman Sachs to Make Money from Young Convicts
Posted in Environment

The War Against the Environment Has Yet to be Won

“We have to destroy the environment as quickly as we can.” These are the findings of the Movement for Environmental Sabotage and Subversion (MESS). The position of MESS is that the attempt to preserve and protect the environment and to…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! The War Against the Environment Has Yet to be Won