Obama defends U.S. Alliance with al-Qaeda

It’s not easy to get an interview with the U.S. President. I had to pretend I was compliant journalist David Gregory, but it worked. Here is our conversation.

Barb Weir: Thank you for granting me this interview, Mr. President.

Obama: I owe you, David, after you suggested that Glenn Greenwald should be charged with a crime for interviewing that spy, Edward Snowden. How could that traitor reveal that the U.S. government is spying on the American people? I know you would never report something like that. We need more journalists like you.

RIGHT: Undercover reporter Barb Weir interviews President Barack Obama. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

Barb Weir: That seems to be the future, Mr. President. On a different topic, you said that the use of chemical weapons in Syria would be a “game changer”. Now a UN independent investigation has found that the rebels used sarin gas, possibly supplied by their Libyan allies, although they were apparently also seeking supplies through a UK contractor. Is this why you decided to authorize direct arms shipments to the rebels?

Obama: You misunderstand, David. I said that it would be a game changer if the Assad regime uses chemical weapons, not if the rebels use them.

Barb Weir: So the UN determined that Assad’s forces used them?

Obama: No, we were able to determine that ourselves, without any help from the UN.

Barb Weir: Wow! Just when the rebel forces suffered a major setback at Qusayr, too. What a coincidence!

Obama: Yes, none too soon, and Bill Clinton said we should have arranged to make the discovery earlier.

Barb Weir: Now that you’re supplying weapons directly and not through intermediaries like Turkey, Qatar and Saudi Arabia, how do you respond to criticism that the weapons are going to al-Qaeda militants?

Obama: The enemy of my enemy is my friend. Assad is our enemy, and al-Qaeda is his enemy, so al-Qaeda is our friend.

Barb Weir: Wasn’t al-Qaeda our enemy not so long ago?

Obama: Yes, and at that time Assad was our friend. He even tortured our prisoners as a favor to us. Remember, Saddam Hussein was our friend, and then he wasn’t. Same with Manuel Noriega, and so forth. You have to keep up, David. Don’t forget that al-Qaeda was our friend when it was fighting against the Soviet Union in Afghanistan. And then it wasn’t. And now it is.

Barb Weir: Sorry, Mr. President. Sometimes it gets confusing. Is Russia our friend or our enemy? If they are our friend, and the Assad regime is their friend, then wouldn’t the Assad regime be our friend? And if the Chechens are their enemy and our enemy, too, then wouldn’t Russia have to be our friend?

Obama: It’s OK, David, I get confused sometimes, myself. In fact, either your appearance has changed a lot since I last saw you or I’m confusing you with someone else. It really doesn’t matter, though, as long as you continue to keep the American people informed about what they should know.

Author: Barb Weir

Barb Weir is the pseudonym of a writer and social justice advocate in the San Francisco Bay Area.

2 thoughts on “Obama defends U.S. Alliance with al-Qaeda

  1. Actually, the U.S. government has the capability to behave absurdly with or without humor.

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