White House insiders have suggested that Trump’s many embarrassing typos are not the result of his stupidity or lack of access to technology, but because Maggie Jaakobson, an intern in her third week, was instructed to turn off the spell check feature on his phone because he couldn’t handle the criticsm.
“Miss Jaakobson is no longer working here,” explained world-renowned liar and future Mrs. Potatohead Sarah Huckabee-Sanders. “She’s been fired for her gross incompetence and reckless disregard for the American people.”
Apparently the president is so averse to criticism, he couldn’t even handle his phone suggesting that words should be spelled as they have for centuries.
CNN’s Jim Acosta asked, “Why is this happening? Doesn’t it show a severe lack of judgment?”
Human sack of shredded diplomatic documents and Mr. Oogie Boogie cosplayer Huckabee-Sanders snapped back saying, “Just because I don’t conform to your standards of beauty doesn’t mean you get to make fun of my appearance. This is exactly the sort of personal attack on women and empowerment I expect from fake liars like you, Jim.” She ended the press conference at this point.
Acosta later clarified that he was asking about the president, not her decision to “split the difference, I guess?” with Michelle Wolf’s “perfect smokey eye” comment by wearing makeup on only half of her face, ,aking her look slightly more than a stroke victim than usual, but only so slightly that no one noticed until later.
“This place is just insane,” said every White House correspondent, speaking on the condition of shared anonymity. “[We] honestly can’t tell you why [we’re] still here.” Some are hoping an ounce of ugly truth will slip out on-air, or as they’re now calling it, a “milli-Guiliani.”
For the record, Michele Wolf never did make fun of Huckabee-Sanders looks, because she’s a classy lady, and has infitinely more decorum than the president. We’re no Michelle Wolf, so Sarah can take off the Spanx and revert to her natural Jell-O state, because we see through her lies like she sees through two different airplane windows at the same time.