White House Releases New Press Corps Rules

Washington, DC- Fresh off a U.S. District Court ruling that forced the Trump Administration to return the press pass of CNN chief White House correspondent Jim Acosta, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders announced new rules of conduct for reporters on Tuesday.

“Should you refuse to follow these rules in the future, we will take action in accordance with the rules set forth above. The President is aware of this decision and concurs,” Huckabee Sanders read from a prepared statement.

“We will be distributing the new rules to members of the press corps, and will be posting the rules at various locations throughout the White House. Please take note; this is a zero tolerance policy. The White House does not condone acts of violence and abuse, and any future incidents will result in revocation of credentials,” the Press Secretary told reports. “As representatives of the most prestigious position in the free would, we expect members of the press corps to operate with a degree of decorum and to show the President and his representatives the respect they deserve as such.”

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Trump Administration Unveils ‘Brand New’ Sarah Huckabee Sanders

Washington, DC- In what will surely go down as one of the most bizarre press conferences in recent memory; White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders announced both her plans to step down as the official mouth piece of the Trump Administration in January, and introduced the woman who will be her successor… Sarah HUCKabee Sanders 2.0.

Members of the press were visibly shocked when a holographic representation of Huckabee Sanders ‘stepped’ out from behind a curtain at the rear of the stage, and joined the Press Secretary on stage.

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Trump Typos Due to Staff Killing Spell Check: “He Can’t Handle the Criticism!”

White House insiders have suggested that Trump’s many embarrassing typos are not the result of his stupidity or lack of access to technology, but because Maggie Jaakobson, an intern in her third week, was instructed to turn off the spell check feature on his phone because he couldn’t handle the criticsm.

“Miss Jaakobson is no longer working here,” explained world-renowned liar and future Mrs. Potatohead Sarah Huckabee-Sanders. “She’s been fired for her gross incompetence and reckless disregard for the American people.” Read more Trump Typos Due to Staff Killing Spell Check: “He Can’t Handle the Criticism!”

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