Categorized | Politics, World News

Donald Trump’s Latest Conspiratorial Rant: ‘The Jews Control Israel’ (2/2)

Donald Trump’s Latest Conspiratorial Rant: ‘The Jews Control Israel’ (2/2)

Last time:

TRUMP: The Jews! Incredible. The Jews control Israel. Unbelievable. Believe me, this is yuuuge.

JAKE TAPPER: OK, I’m buying it. But what about some of our more sceptical viewers out there? What’s your message for them?

The story continues:

TRUMP: The Jews control Israel! But you’re not allowed to talk about it! Donald…

Trump…

Is the only

President…

In the whole of America, who has the balls to name the names, and shame the shames.

Nobody else,

Not…

One…

Person…

Has had the courage to admit that the Jews control Israel. Official government? Smoke and mirrors. Who’s pulling the strings? Not gonna say anything for sure, but I’ve heard stuff.

People saying stuff! Literal people! Literal, actual stuff. When d’you ever hear Low Energy Jeb or Lyin’ Ted saying this stuff? Huh?

TAPPER: Good point, I see what you’re getting at. Has anyone else in America noticed this weird phenomenon?

TRUMP: I mean, can you believe they’re actually doing this stuff? Incredible.

TAPPER: I can believe it. So what should we do about it? Should America, I don’t know, try a spot of, y’know, good ol’ humanitarian regime change, or, or, or, or, something?

TRUMP: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! And by the way, you know that guy Chomsky? Beautiful guy. Beautiful mind. Incredible! Just incredible. He’s a Jewish leftist, y’know, Metropolitan Globalist Cultural Marxist Liberal, believes in climate change, Darwinism, ebola vaccines, Jehovah’s Witnesses yada yada yada, you know all the stuff I’m talking about. Well, you see this Chomsky guy? Even he admits that the official story isn’t true!

So, you know what? I really hope all the Israel First guys in Israel start waking up to what’s going on, and have the balls to challenge the bought-and-paid cheapskate MSM to stop lying, and stop denying that the Jews are the real people in charge in Israel.

TAPPER: I see. I’ve learned something today. Well, I’m honoured. You really are a clever kinda guy, aren’t ya, Donald Trump!

TRUMP: One in a million! My promise is this. If you vote for my campaign, I will restore Israeli democracy and make sure the corrupt liberal media don’t ever indulge in denialism again. Give Israel back to the Israelis! Stop giving aid to the Israeli government, because the government so far haven’t received a penny…

Aaalll becaaauuuse they’ve been funnelling it off to all these other guys instead!

Share

This post was written by

- who has written 357 posts on GlossyNews.com.

Conspirator-in-Chief of the Peace Criminals Project: Neocon Surveillance& Satirical-Industrial Complex! Also published on a range of satire sites. Currently co-editing Glossy News (under the webmaster, Brian K. White). Contact me to pitch or submit your satire! David Cameron says I am a #TerroristSympathizer. Islamists say I am an #Islamophobe. New Atheists think I am a #CravenApologistForPrimitiveBronzeAgeSuperstitions. MRAs & Alt-Right think I'm a #MatriarchalCuck. Others say I'm a #StraightMiddleClassWhiteBoy. And still more think I'm a #FuckingPleb. Just another edgy day at the Satirist's office! I am the Mayor of the Zero Fucks Community ;) @w_runnymede (Twitter) wallacerunnymede@gmail.com

.

Leave a Reply


We are also looking for a satire editor
and a Clever Photoshop Guru...
Glossy News Exclusive Exposés


-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Glossy News Fake Commercials!





Glossy News Podcast


(Listen on iTunes or Libsyn)


More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Check This Out!

ca-dress.com shop dresses online

Recommended Sportsbook MyBookie.ag

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)



All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial