Donald Trump’s Latest Conspiratorial Rant: ‘The Jews Control Israel’ (2/2)

Last time:

TRUMP: The Jews! Incredible. The Jews control Israel. Unbelievable. Believe me, this is yuuuge.

JAKE TAPPER: OK, I’m buying it. But what about some of our more sceptical viewers out there? What’s your message for them?

The story continues:

TRUMP: The Jews control Israel! But you’re not allowed to talk about it! Donald…


Is the only


In the whole of America, who has the balls to name the names, and shame the shames.

Nobody else,




Has had the courage to admit that the Jews control Israel. Official government? Smoke and mirrors. Who’s pulling the strings? Not gonna say anything for sure, but I’ve heard stuff.

People saying stuff! Literal people! Literal, actual stuff. When d’you ever hear Low Energy Jeb or Lyin’ Ted saying this stuff? Huh?

TAPPER: Good point, I see what you’re getting at. Has anyone else in America noticed this weird phenomenon?

TRUMP: I mean, can you believe they’re actually doing this stuff? Incredible.

TAPPER: I can believe it. So what should we do about it? Should America, I don’t know, try a spot of, y’know, good ol’ humanitarian regime change, or, or, or, or, something?

TRUMP: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! And by the way, you know that guy Chomsky? Beautiful guy. Beautiful mind. Incredible! Just incredible. He’s a Jewish leftist, y’know, Metropolitan Globalist Cultural Marxist Liberal, believes in climate change, Darwinism, ebola vaccines, Jehovah’s Witnesses yada yada yada, you know all the stuff I’m talking about. Well, you see this Chomsky guy? Even he admits that the official story isn’t true!

So, you know what? I really hope all the Israel First guys in Israel start waking up to what’s going on, and have the balls to challenge the bought-and-paid cheapskate MSM to stop lying, and stop denying that the Jews are the real people in charge in Israel.

TAPPER: I see. I’ve learned something today. Well, I’m honoured. You really are a clever kinda guy, aren’t ya, Donald Trump!

TRUMP: One in a million! My promise is this. If you vote for my campaign, I will restore Israeli democracy and make sure the corrupt liberal media don’t ever indulge in denialism again. Give Israel back to the Israelis! Stop giving aid to the Israeli government, because the government so far haven’t received a penny…

Aaalll becaaauuuse they’ve been funnelling it off to all these other guys instead!

Author: Wallace Runnymede

Wallace is the editor of Brian K. White's epic website, Glossy News! Email him with your content at (Should be @, not #!) Or if you'd like me to help you tease out some ideas that you can't quite put into concrete form, I'd love to have some dialogue with you! Catch me on Patreon too, or better still, help out our great writers on the official Glossy News Patreon (see the bottom of the homepage!) Don't forget to favourite Glossy News in your browser, and like us on Facebook too! And last but VERY MUCH not the least of all... Share, share, SHARE! Thanks so much for taking the time to check out our awesome site!