Tag Archive | "Ukraine"

Finally, A New Protest on Red Square… Sort of…


The news came across the wires of a huge protest in Moscow, right on Red Square.

Really??!!!!

Are the Russian masses finally rallying up against the ex-KGB man who has reinvented Czarism in a modern form?
Is the second great Russian revolution finally taking form?

No. False alarm. Go ahead and go back to whatever you were doing. Nothing to see here. No fire. No bodies to see. Just another Putin backed big show of force and false support for his international messing with every other country on earth. Read the full story

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Russian Takeover Strategies Of Yesterday, Today And Tomorrow


2008- Russia invades former ‘comrade’ nation Georgia because Putin ‘has Georgia on his mind….’.

March 2014- Russia takes over the Crimea because they want to protect their naval fleet, and their hidden stores of vodka.

June 2014- Russia begins infiltration and takeover of eastern Ukraine, wanting to ‘protect the Russians living there’ who invaded centuries ago. Read the full story

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A Checklist Of The ‘Humanitarian Aid’ The Russians Are Sending To Ukraine


At the Russian/Ukrainian border the so-called ‘humanitarian aid’ convoy sent by Putin stops to do a final check on what supplies they will be delivering to the Ukrainians on the other side. Two Russian majors exit the first two vehicles carrying clipboards and meet at the back of the first truck.

“OK Dimitri, let’s take a final check on everything.” Read the full story

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The Blame In Ukraine Lies Mainly in The Brain (of Putin)


Russian separatists in Ukraine, eager to show the world just how diplomatic and democratic they are in their newly taken over territory, smashed voting tables, threatened vote takers and surrounded the home of a man vocally in support of elections in eastern Ukraine.

The nation of Ukraine was going to exercise its first free vote for a new President after ousting Yanukovych in February, an act of freedom not recognized by the ‘freedom loving’ insurgents in the border-lying states of the same country, even while they are demanding their ‘freedom’ to rejoin a nation that specializes in squashing such sentiments. Read the full story

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Putin Drags Russia Back To The Czarist Times


We thought the Cold War was over.

Now Vladimir Putin has taken his nation back beyond that to the time of the Czars.

He himself is the new Czar. No joke.

The man who tried so hard to show the world that he was a socially conscious leader able to see things from an understanding, international viewpoint with his helming of the 2014 Winter Olympics turned and showed his dark side only a few scant days later with the turmoil in Crimea.

Image appears courtesy of FreakingNews.com. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

Putin can’t handle protest. He doesn’t understand it. He fears it. He grew up in a country where you don’t dare raise a voice in protest to anything. You will get squashed. Putin learned early to be a squasher. He made it his profession.

He also made doing things underhandedly and secretive his policy. That is why he rose high in the strata at the KGB. He was good at it. Underground dirty tricks are another form of protest, one that is more effective when you want to change something that is generally accepted. Out and out protesting takes some guts. Doing things sneakily is easier, takes less courage and makes you feel smarter than everyone else; something Putin thrives on.

When Putin saw his buddy Yanukovych, the President of Ukraine, getting screamed at by masses of protestors sick of his corrupt politics, he couldn’t understand it. He saw Yanukovych’s response (killing a few protestors with hidden sniper fire and sending in special police forces that beat protestors) as not strong enough, but still put him under his wing when Yanukovych flew the coop with millions in ill gotten loot when things got too hot.

Putin, scared by the very non-Soviet style upheaval taking place in their former comrade’s land, reacted paranoiacly to the situation. He snuck paramilitary personnel into the Crimea, Russia’s naval toe hold in the Black Sea, with the intention of wresting it away from Ukraine.

This is Russia’s old Soviet policy come back to life again- take what you want where and when you want it. It worked at the end of World War Two when the rampaging Soviet Army ‘liberated’ the soon to be east bloc countries and put them under Stalin’s iron fist.

The joke is that these lands later evolved to become more prosperous than Mother Russia herself despite her restraints, prompting many lower echelon Russians to move there for a better lifestyle.

Now these Russian citizens, themselves and their families well entrenched in the lands of Lithuania, Estonia, Poland, Czech Republic and so on, watch their Russian brethren in Eastern Ukraine connive to drape that land in the Russian flag and wish they could pull off the same in their adopted countries.

The old Russian bear has awoken and probably won’t be easily stuffed back in his lair. It saw how easily and effectively Putin’s underhanded methods have worked in Crimea and wants so badly to see how much more it can get away with.

Another old joke is that Russia has never been able to handle the huge territory it has already dominated. It was the largest country in the world land-wise and yet its people live in a poverty that would embarrass most other industrial European nations.

Putin wants to regain the “Great Russia” he remembers from his childhood (cue playing ‘Glory Days’ by Bruce Springsteen). Now he thinks he has a way of accomplishing that. At everyone else’s expense.

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Russian Jets Enter Ukraine Airspace, Top Gun’s Maverick Dispatched to Region


Washington, D.C. – As tensions continue to escalate between Russia and Ukraine, Russian President Putin has ordered his fighter jet pilots to flirt with crossing into Ukrainian airspace to tempt a response from the smaller country.

In response, President Obama has assured the Ukrainians that the United States has their back and, to prove it, he has ordered Maverick from the hit 80’s movie “Top Gun” to patrol the region. Read the full story

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Obama Announces Sanctions on Lyudmila Putin


During a White House Rose Garden press conference Thursday, President Barack Obama, in an effort to drive Russian forces from the Crimean Peninsula, announced far reaching sanctions against Vladimar Putin’s wife, Lyudmila.

“We have frozen funds in her Citicorp and Bank of America savings accounts, erased her Skymiles, cancelled her credit cards to Barney’s, Pottery Barn and Victoria Secret, and made sure she will never again experience pilates at Moscow’s LA Fitness Center.” said Obama. Read the full story

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The Charge Of The Light Brigade Revisited; Russia Invades Ukraine Edition


There is a famous poem written about another famous invasion of Crimea from the 1800’s- the British fighting the Russians on the Crimean Peninsula.

It is called ‘The Charge Of The Light Brigade’ by Alfred Lord Tennyson and concerns itself with the insane and callous ordering of a Brigade of horsemen to attack a Russian battalion that had them surrounded on three sides. It was a popularly received bit of writing; so famous that several movies were made about it.

In lieu of recent developments in the Ukraine here is a modern remake of it- from the Russian point of view this time followed by the original poem:

(P.S.- a league is a measurement of land.)

Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All into the Crimea,
Flew the six thousand.
Forward the Russian flag!
Let’s play political tag!
Into the comrade Ukraine,
Flew the six thousand.

Forward the Russian flag!
Was there a man portrayed,
Who still did not know,
It was all a political play?
If they were to question why,
Putin would scold them not to cry,
It is not their business to pry,
Into the cold Crimea,
Flew the six thousand.

Protestors to the north of them,
Tartars to the right of them,
Ukranians to the left of them,
Screaming and shouting.
Disguised as though they Ukrainen be,
Put on an act did they,
In the town squares,
In the countryside,
Came the six thousand.

Putin lied, his face so bare,
Said “We must take real care,
Else our fellow Russians there,
Will go over to the other side,
And our orders will not abide.”
As all the world wonders.
Putting on airs that all is normal,
Though all around was a political squall,
Cossack and Russian,
Performed as though in a fairy tale,
Written by Tschaicovsky,
Then came even more,
Many more than the six thousand.

Protestors to the north of them,
Tartars to the left of them,
Ukranians to the right of them,
Threatened with sanctions.
They knew they had an easy gig,
Plus they were backed up by MIG’s.
Pretending to protect their countrymen,
When really they don’t give a fig,
Then arrived yet more of them,
Adding to the six thousand.

When will they go back home,
So that I can end this poem?
All the world wonders.
Your wives are going to fool around,
Your neighbor will feel her Venus Mound,
Go home, please, six thousand!

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

THE ORIGINAL POEM

The Charge of the Light Brigade
Half a league, half a league,
  Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death,
  Rode the six hundred.
‘Forward, the Light Brigade!
Charge for the guns’ he said:
Into the valley of Death
  Rode the six hundred.

‘Forward, the Light Brigade!’
Was there a man dismay’d?
Not tho’ the soldiers knew
  Some one had blunder’d:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die:
Into the valley of Death
  Rode the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
  Volley’d and thunder’d;
Storm’d at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
  Rode the six hundred.

Flash’d all their sabres bare,
Flash’d as they turned in air
Sabring the gunners there,
Charging an army while
  All the world wonder’d:
Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right thro’ the line they broke;
Cossack and Russian
Reel’d from the sabre-stroke
Shatter’d and sunder’d.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
  Volley’d and thunder’d;
Storm’d at with shot and shell,
While horse and hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro’ the jaws of Death,
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
  Left of six hundred.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
  All the world wonder’d.
Honour the charge they made!
Honour the Light Brigade,
  Noble six hundred

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Putin Invades Coney Island To Help Russians Living There


Russian President Vladimir Putin has sent Russian troops into Coney Island, a part of Brighton Beach, New York, that has a large immigrant Russian population.

Swarming ashore from submarines that covertly approached the beach, they quickly took over all government buildings and the amusement park, where the commanders had to stop the soldiers from riding the rides there. Read the full story

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Polls show increased Respect for Republican Shamelessness


Dateline: WASHINGTON—Polls indicate that Republicans are more respected by Americans, as a result of their complicated response to Russian President Putin’s invasion of Ukraine.

Since George W. Bush’s second term, polls revealed that Americans’ respect for Republicans had plummeted. Analysts say this was because Americans perceived that Republicans have one of the easiest jobs in the world.
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Canadians urge Ukrainians to seek Peace through Dullness


Backed by a majority of Canadians, the Canadian government has passed a resolution urging Ukrainians to stop fighting and to handle their internal conflict by being more boring like the Canadians.

Ukraine is split between ethnic Russians in the eastern part of the country and pro-European, ethnic-Ukrainians in the west. Likewise, Canada is split between Catholic, French-speaking Quebecers, left-wingers in Ontario and British Columbia, and conservatives in the prairies. Read the full story

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Putin Sets World Record For Quickest Change Of Face In Political History


Vladimir (the Vampire ) Putin, still glowing from the success of the Winter Olympic Games in Sochi, Russia, has suddenly shown his darker side of the Force by invading and taking over the Crimea, a vital peninsula of his supposed ally Ukraine.

Vlad the Cad had impressively shown to the world the creative and suppossedly world-friendly side of Russia in the huge spectacle of the 2014 Olympics. They had spent 50 billion dollars to convince the world that they were part of the team that made the planet run and that Uncle Putin was really just a big Teddy bear of a guy and not the ice veined, Read the full story

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Canadians urge Ukrainians to seek Peace through Dullness


Dateline: OTTAWA—Backed by a majority of Canadians, the Canadian government has passed a resolution urging Ukrainians to stop fighting and to handle their internal conflict by being more boring, like Canadians.
Read the full story

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