Tag Archive | "Sports"

NASCAR to Shorten Races: Surging Gas Prices Spur Changes


NASCAR officials declared today that due to the current increase in gasoline prices, several races later this season will be shortened to save costs.

According to the report issued, the money saving initiative will prevent a rise in ticket prices and allow the typical NASCAR fan to continue spending large amounts of cash they don’t have on NASCAR apparel they don’t need.

Crude oil has topped one hundred dollars a barrel this year and nationwide gas price averages sit above $3.60 a gallon. NASCAR stock cars get approximately two miles per gallon. Read the full story

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I was snubbed by the U.S. Olympic Ski Team


Dear U.S. Olympic Ski Team:

Congratulations on an outstanding Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia. And hey, that 18 year-old Mikaela Shiffrin was impressive on the giant slalom. Well done.

I just have one minor complaint to register: Why did you leave me off the team? I contacted you last summer, telling you I wanted to try out for the men’s freestyle aerials or half pipe or any alpine event you guys thought might attract babes. Read the full story

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The Changes to European Club Rugby – Americans Indifferent


There are massive changes afoot in the world of Rugby Union. While there has been some agreement recently as to the future of the sport, there are still many obstacles to overcome.

Following an 18-month impasse, the six unions involved in the Heineken Cup (England, Ireland, Wales, Scotland, Italy and France) held a two-day summit in Dublin to decide how a European club competition would work next season. The English and French clubs have stated that they intend to form a breakaway competition next season. Read the full story

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Soccer Quickly Becoming America’s Like 4th or 5th Favorite Sport


A recent poll taken by randomly selected sports fans from around the nation indicated that the game of soccer, where you try and kick a ball into a goal, is drawing near to being among some of America’s most popular sports.

“It’s definitely up there,” said one Chicago sports nut. “I mean, football is way better, and so is baseball, basketball, NASCAR, hockey, tennis, wrestling, and motocross, but after that, it’s probably a pretty close tie between soccer and golf. Read the full story

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American Team Favored to Win 2013 World Series


ST. LOUIS – The St. Louis Cardinals made history Friday when they became the 104th American team to win the World Series. With their 6-2 victory over the Texas Rangers in game 7, The Cardinals extended the United States’ formidable record in the competition, which has only twice been won by a non-American club when the Toronto Blue Jays recorded back-to-back victories in 1992 and 1993. Read the full story

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Nations husbands “only watch women’s sports for skimpy outfits”


In a stunning turn around, a spokesman finally admitted that the nation’s husbands watch women’s sports “only for the skimpy outfits.”

The statement comes as a shock from the group who has maintained a hardline “for the love of sport” stance for decades. The list of sports men watch only to ogle its participants included tennis, volleyball, gymnastics, and a surprising late addition, basketball. Read the full story

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Husbands’ guide to hosting a winning Super Bowl party


This Sunday is the biggest single day of the year in sports: No, I’m not talking about the Fresno Kennel Club Annual Dog Show taking place this coming Sunday – although granted, that is a very big sporting event. No, I’m talking about this Sunday’s Super Bowl between the Baltimore Ravens and the San Francisco 49ers. I believe it’s Super Bowl MCLXXXXVIIIVX, but I could be off by a couple I’s. Read the full story

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Posted in Entertainment, SportsComments (1)

Indianapolis Convention & Visitors Association Video Ties Indianapolis Colts


A music video that was produced by the Indianapolis Convention and Visitors Association, lost on Tuesday, November 29, officially tying the Indianapolis Colts’ current season record of no wins, all losses.

The video, entitled “Indy Super Bowl Shuffle,” parodies a nearly thirty year-old music video and song by the Chicago Bears, and features a cast of local hotel employees lip-syncing and dancing in an attempt to depict Indianapolis as a “fun,” “cosmopolitan,” and “world-class” destination. Read the full story

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Madden Players Association in Heated Lockout


GREENVILLE, NC – Sports media has covered many lockouts over the years, but have yet to address the major Madden ’13 lockout that is intensifying in many homes across the country.

The lockout occurred after EA sports stopped providing catered food services at their tournaments. This initial outrage has only grown.

“The life of a professional gamer isn’t as illustrious as people would believe,” stated Pete Gallagher, Director of the Madden Player Association, living in Greenville, North Carolina. Read the full story

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Victory a Result of Man Shouting ‘Go Colts’ at TV


INDIANAPOLIS – The Indianapolis Colts secured a hard-earned victory against the Minnesota Vikings on Week 2 of the new NFL season Sunday, attributing their victory to local man Justin Thacker, who persistently yelled “go Colts” at his television screen throughout the 3-hour broadcast.

Initially, it was believed that the impressive victory came about as a result of the team’s considerable work ethic, months of pre-season preparation and valiant individual prowess. Read the full story

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NFL Addresses Fan Discontent by Hiring Replacement Refs from Foot Locker


The National Football League is taking decisive action in response to complaints about horrendously bad officiating by the replacement referees, who were brought in due to the lockout of referees by the league.

The move is the culmination of events precipitated by perhaps the worst missed call in NFL history. In this week’s Monday Night Football contest between the Seattle Seahawks and visiting Green Bay Packers, a Green Bay Packer defender intercepted a pass in the end zone as the game clock expired but the referee called it a touchdown. Read the full story

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Local Man Seems Just A Little Too Into Archery


INDIANAPOLIS – Sitting down with his family to watch the opening rounds of the Olympic Games Friday, Indianapolis resident Damien Fenhurst was just a little too into archery, say sources.

Displaying an inordinate degree of interest in the skill and craftsmanship of the competitors on show, the 39-year-old was seen staring intently at the television screen, Read the full story

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Top 16 Olympic Games We Wish We Could See


With the 2012 Olympics well under way, we can only dream of the myriad sports that have been excluded. I’m not talking about Yoga or Calvinball, but some of the other unseen greats. Here are just a few of our yet-to-be-seen future favorites.

Wedding Cake Smashing

Not because I have been jilted or anything, just because there is something so elegant Read the full story

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Manning Joins Broncos, Tebow Converts to Paganism


DENVER, Colorado – “There is more than one God,” Tim Tebow said in awe after watching Peyton Manning complete yet another pass in practice. “There’s just no other explanation.”

The Broncos’ ex-quarterback, known less for his passing skills than for his prayer timeouts and his genuflections after any positive gain on offense, stood in astonishment as he watched the 4-time MVP award winner take his job away with casual throws to members of the practice squad. “God is not almighty,” Tebow explained, “He’s got nothing on Manning when They’re on the football field.” Read the full story

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Random Pointlessness Takes the World by Storm


Denizens of the universe have apparently discovered a favorite new sport. Called “Random Pointlessness”, or RP for short, this sport involves a fair amount of hard work and sweat, but nothing remotely resembling intelligence.

Random Pointlessness was invented in Pennsylvania where it quickly surpassed football as the most boring thing to watch on television. Inevitably, RP’s unmatched lack of purpose caused it to quickly become the dominant staple of American entertainment. Read the full story

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ESPN’s Mel Kiper Picks Himself as #1 Pick in NFL Draft


Hollywoodland, CA (GlossySports) — ESPN’s latest NFL mock draft surprises many draft pundits, but it comes as absolutely no surprise to football analyst Mel Kiper, Jr.

Speaking to reporters earlier today, he defended his latest top draft pick projection. Read the full story

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