White House Releases New Press Corps Rules

Washington, DC- Fresh off a U.S. District Court ruling that forced the Trump Administration to return the press pass of CNN chief White House correspondent Jim Acosta, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders announced new rules of conduct for reporters on Tuesday.

“Should you refuse to follow these rules in the future, we will take action in accordance with the rules set forth above. The President is aware of this decision and concurs,” Huckabee Sanders read from a prepared statement.

“We will be distributing the new rules to members of the press corps, and will be posting the rules at various locations throughout the White House. Please take note; this is a zero tolerance policy. The White House does not condone acts of violence and abuse, and any future incidents will result in revocation of credentials,” the Press Secretary told reports. “As representatives of the most prestigious position in the free would, we expect members of the press corps to operate with a degree of decorum and to show the President and his representatives the respect they deserve as such.”

The new rules set forth by the White House are as follows:

  1. No shoes, no shirts, no service

  2. No running indoors

  3. No direct eye contact with the President

  4. No Russia questions

  5. No Khashoggi questions

  6. No questions from Jim Acosta

  7. No “race-based” questions

  8. No follow-up questions

  9. No questions from Jim Acosta

  10. All questions must be submitted 24 hours in advanced

  11. No horseplay

  12. Don’t poke the bear

  13. No questions from Jim Acosta

Whether or not these rules can actually be enforced is up for debate. Prominent conservative commentator and White House critic George Conway Tweeted:

The First Amendment of the Constitution protects the rights and freedoms of the press. This is just another example of this administration’s ongoing war with the rule of law. I wish I knew somebody close to the President, that way they could educated him on one of the most basic civic principles of our Republic.

Fox News Tweeted:

Thankfully the President conducts his interviews with us via telephone. That being said, due to our internal company policies, we have always submitted questions to this White House 24 hours before every interview we’ve ever conducted.

CNN’s Chris Cuomo tweeted:

Un-fucking-real.  This President has, since day one, gone after the press as his primary means of defending indefensible policies. Not only are these rules themselves ridiculous, but it appears they were conducted with an even lesser degree of skill and preparation than the President’s Muslim Travel Ban, and his Zero Tolerance Border Policy.  It seems as if these rules were taken directly from the swimming pool that used to stand where the Press Briefing Room currently resides.

Fox News’ Shepard Smith Tweeted:

Not surprisingly, this White House continues to flout tradition, political norms, and basic decency. As a longtime employee of the Fox News Network, I can say with absolute certainty this whole thing has Bill Shines grubby fingerprints all over it. #Disgraceful





Author: Fort Nag

Ft. Nag is a poet and speculative satirist who lives in Sacramento, CA. "Real News and Fake News have become interchangeable in our world today. This probably won't help. Sorry."