Tag Archive | "republicans"

Florida Gov. Rick Scott Steps Down Citing Medical Reasons


TALLAHASSEE — Florida Gov. Rick Scott stepped down today as leader of the Sunshine State after confidential reports surfaced, which we will not share. These private, personal, legally protected documents, which are confidential, prove the governor withheld a 2008 diagnosis of adult Asperger Disorder from voters.

Lt. Governor Jennifer Carroll was immediately sworn into office as Florida’s 46th governor. Read the full story

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Bill Clinton: Rather Switch than Fight


NEW YORK–Bill Clinton rocked the political world today by announcing his change in party affiliation from Democrat to Independent.

Meet the Press moderator David Gregory asked Mr. Clinton to explain his decision. “Could’ve been worse,” Clinton responded. “Could’ve switched to the GOP.” Read the full story

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Conservative Right Shares Plans To Revive Economy Post-Election


HOW REPUBLICANS WILL IMPROVE THE ECONOMY IF ELECTED:

• Start a new war to refocus attention off the bad state of national affairs and to bolster arm sales and allow corporate ‘service’ interests to leech money off the taxpayers to ‘support’ the military effort. Read the full story

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Elway-Manning for America 2012


Area man Peyton Manning had just gotten laid off from work. Within 48 hours, he knew what he had to do. He hopped on a plane and headed to Denver. John Elway, Broncos exec, was waiting for him.

“Sorry about your neck, fella,” John commiserated, in his signature Fred Thompson croak. With four surgeries to his neck, Peyton had been seriously laid up for the first time in his working life. The neck stuck him on the sideline with $23 million in workers comp. Now, used goods for the old boss, he was on the street. Read the full story

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The Prosperity Preschool


About this time last year, I found myself confronted with a daunting task: enrolling my son in a preschool. As all American parents know, it’s a choice upon which a child’s entire future can hinge, and requires diligence, focus, and tenacity.

I should say that I needed to enroll him in a new preschool, since, like any high-achieving three year-old, he was already attending school, and since, as with the previous schools, the current one wasn’t quite working out. Let’s say it was a disaster. Yes, the teachers were nice, the students too, but their values were utterly un-American. Read the full story

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Roy Blunt Talks Hoes Not Women on International Women’s Day


Sen. Roy Blunt (R-Mo) chose International Women’s Day to talk about hoes. Here’s how he chose to honor March 8, 2012 on Twitter:

Today is Natl Agriculture Day. Hope you’ll join me to recognize the vital benefits agriculture plays in our everyday lives.

Hey, Mr. Blunt, today also happens to be National Panic Day. I’d like to invite everyone to celebrate by taking a moment to freak out about just how scary the Republican Party has become.

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Recycling Republicans


SCENARIO- A secret laboratory deep underground beneath the American Heritage Think Tank And Karaoke Lounge in Washington. It is a room filled with strange scientific paraphernalia- tubes transporting strangely colored liquids run here and there connecting into buzzing machines. Varied colored indicator lights flicker on and off. All of these things seem to center upon a mysterious, human-shaped chamber filled with swirling gases in the middle of the room. Read the full story

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Paul Ryan Attacked by Pack of Angry Lemurs


Paul Ryan is back home in Wisconsin and resting comfortably after suffering an attack by a pack of angry lemurs at a Southwest Florida elementary school where Ryan was speaking last Friday. “He’s got a few nasty scratches,” said Ryan’s wife, Janna, “but doctors expect him to make a full recovery within a few weeks.” Read the full story

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Obama Reaches Out to Republican Pinheads to Solve America’s Problems


WASHINGTON – Faced with increasing criticism from within his own party about his concessions to Republicans as part of the recent debt ceiling deal, President Obama yesterday attempted to explain the reasoning behind his approach during a meeting with Democratic leaders at the White House. Read the full story

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Republicans Claim Inheritance Tax Owed on Deficit Inherited from Bush


Republicans continue to assure the wealthiest Americans that no new taxes will be levied against them. However, with the Tea Party breathing down their necks and threatening to withhold votes if something isn’t done to get the budget under control, top Republican strategists have come up with a plan they believe will take on the appearance of bringing in some much-needed revenue. Read the full story

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Debt Ceiling Debate Came Down to Rock, Paper, Scissors


EDITOR’S NOTE: ARTICLE WRITTEN BEFORE AGREEMENT WAS REACHED – After recent discussions in Congress over John Boehner and Harry Reid’s plans to solve the debt ceiling crisis dissolved into gavel smashing and cross-aisle spitting, political analysts have predicted that the fate of the country’s credit rating might boil down to petty children’s games like Shoots and Ladders, Candy Land, or a Rock, Paper, Scissors tournament. Read the full story

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We Should Have Let The Debt Deadline Pass


We have missed a great opportunity. Instead of passing a debt ceiling agreement, we should have just let the poop hit the fan and let everything fall though. Bills would go unpaid- then we would learn what our true priorities are and pay those. Read the full story

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Republican Senators Order Out for Chinese as Debt Ceiling Talks Continue


A reporter covering the debacle that is the debt ceiling talks has just published a story in his local hometown paper, The Times-Picayune, which helps shed light on what he believes is the number one priority coming out of the Republican camp—the importance of a good lunch. Read the full story

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Palin Giving up Presidential Dream to Become Web Designer


Sarah Palin announced today that she will be giving up a life of politics in favor of pursuing her true passion. The decision comes shortly after J.K. Rowling announced her new website Potterworld.

Many will remember that in 1997, a young Palin penned the novel “Harry Potterwitz: And The Prisoner of the Jewish Faith” but was unable to publish after Ms. Rowling beat her to the punch with the publication of her first Harry Potter book. Palin was outraged that a book on witchcraft prevented her publishing her proselytizing Christian tale and vowed never to be scooped again by Rowling. Read the full story

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Joe Biden Takes on Fatherly Role at Debt Ceiling Talks


Vice President Joe Biden is using a unique approach when it comes to dealing with the petulant freshman Senators who aren’t budging an inch on the debt ceiling talks. Treating them like his sons, he has taken on a fatherly role in trying to convince them to come to some sort of agreement on how to get the budget crisis under control. Read the full story

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Palin Getting Passed Around Like ‘Moonshine at a Hoedown’


Fur started to fly just hours after Michele Bachmann publicly announced that Sarah Palin would be her top choice for VP in the 2012 presidential elections. This announcement came on the heels of her expected announcement to officially seek the GOP nomination for President in 2012.

When a reporter asked her, “Do you have any clue whom you might want to run alongside you if you do get the GOP nod?” Bachmann didn’t hesitate. Read the full story

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