Tag Archive | "palestine"

Serial Peeping Tom “Dirty” Joe Palestine Thanks Supporters


NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ – In an interview with Glossy News, Middlesex Adult Corrections Facility inmate “Dirty” Joe Palestine proclaimed his innocence and announced his heartfelt appreciation for the millions of people around the world who agree that Palestine deserves his freedom.

Palestine, whose offenses spanning from 2006-2010 the New Jersey District Attorney called “the most blatant acts of unlawful voyeurism for sexual purposes (he) had ever seen,” has never admitted to any wrongdoing in regards to the 146 charges of peeping tom-related behavior. Read the full story

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Israelis and Palestinians Finally Agree on Something… Unfortunately


The UN Council, sick of the never ending strife in Israel between the Jews and the Arabs, came up with a novel idea for mediating a lasting truce. They employed Buddhists to act as peacekeepers.

The Buddhist faith, probably among the most peaceful of any of the earthly religions, emphasizes tolerance, good will and understanding as its most important virtues.

The UN high council members thought that having Buddhist monks watching over the two Mid-east enemies might bring about the long sought after peace that the area had lacked for the last 70 years. Read the full story

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“Bibi, stop bombing or we’ll cut your bullets,” Obama Tells Netanyahu


Gaza, an open-air prison? Israel’s $3 billion-a-year welfare check threatened? America scolds Israel? STOP THE PRESS!!!

A leaked White House transcript of a heated phone-call earlier today reveals that US President Barack Obama told Israel’s Zionist Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu that his apartheid regime’s bombardment of Gaza city is stretching America’s Hollywood-Bubble Gum TV News propaganda system out to its theoretical limits.

Because Israel’s brutal siege on Gaza associates the US with a war crime that is becoming obvious to “Dumb-dee-doo Christians, video-game addicts and the UN”, Obama told Netanyahu to “desist already” with Israel’s massacre of Palestinians trapped inside the walled-in city. This leak is published in humankinds’ interests. Read the full story

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Israel/Palestine Tentatively Agree to Two-State Solution


Our writer Barb Weir has been faithfully advocated peace both on Glossy News and directly to world leaders. What follows is an exclusive, and one provided to us on the strict confidence that we would not release it until the appropriate time.

But for us, the appropriate time is now, since I have to go to sleep momentarily, and I simply can’t wait for CNN to bum rush the story, as they rush to pull it out of their bums. Read the full story

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Breaking News: Ayatollah Converts to Judaism


TEHRAN – Millions of Iranians have been left dumbfounded after the Ayatollah Khomeini announced his conversion to Judaism.

News agencies in Iran say the Supreme Leader underwent his change of faiths early Wednesday and chose to make an announcement only now with the hopes of cheering up his wife, who has been quite cranky for the last few weeks.

On-scene reporter Frank Douglas noted the shift in religious loyalties could force the United States to give Iran foreign aid, which its economy desperately needs after years of floundering due to sanctions imposed by the West. Read the full story

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Israel: Never mind the bleeding, it was cardiac arrest


According to Israeli authorities, 30-year-old Palestinian prisoner Arafat Jaradat died of cardiac arrest five days after being arrested on February 18, 2013. Because of doubts, however, I asked to interview the prison medical examiner who had listed the cause of death. “Of course,” replied the Press Officer, “just be sure to pass through the Israeli Office of Press Censorship when you finish your report.” On this condition I was introduced the the coroner, Selova Proval. Following is the interview.

RIGHT: “Yes, children. Joan of Arc died of cardiac arrest.” (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

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Israeli Forces Arrest 1-year-old Palestinian Terrorist


Alert Israeli forces yesterday thwarted a potential terrorist attack by a 1-year-old Palestinian. The terrorist, Qamar Awad, was among nineteen arrested on land in the south Hebron hills that is in the process of being liberated from Palestinians. I spoke to the Israeli commander of the operation, Captain Ramit Dan-Dertroht.

RIGHT: Israeli Captain Ramit Dan-Detroht arrests 1-year-od Palestinian terrorist Qamar Awad in the south Hebron hills. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

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NRA Opens Gaza Chapter


The National Rifle Association announced today the opening of its new chapter in the Palestinian Gaza Strip. Wayne LePire, NRA Executionary Vice President, said the establishment of an NRA chapter in Gaza was long overdue.

RIGHT: The NRA’s new Gaza office. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

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Netanyahu: Palestinian settlements are an obstacle to peace


Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu today denounced the establishment of a new Palestinian settlement in the area that Israel calls E1. The Palestinians are calling the new neighborhood Bab al-Shams (“Gate of the Sun”).

RIGHT: Palestinians build a new settlement on confiscated Palestinian land. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

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Sick Of Fighting In Mideast, World Builds Wall Around Israel And Palestine.


A spontaneously assembled group of nations, tired of the constant turmoil coming out of Israel and Palestine, have built a wall entirely surrounding both lands. These countries, after attempting for years to introduce peace initiatives to both lands, finally reached the end of their patience and are no longer willing to put up with the bull headed, self centered attitudes of the leaders and people of both sides. Read the full story

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Hamas: Weapons are being smuggled into Israel


The Hamas government in Gaza is charging that weapons are being smuggled into Israel. “We are doing our best to blockade Israel and prevent everything except low-nutrition food and minimal medical supplies from entering,” said spokesperson Jehad al-Muqawama “but regardless of our efforts, they are still getting dangerous weapons that are being used to attack us. Read the full story

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Dershowitz Breaks Mideast Deadlock, Promises to Fix


The Israeli daily newspaper Haaretz announced September 25, 2012, that Harvard law professor and Israel advocate Alan Dershowitz had broken the deadlock between Israel and the Palestinian Authority with a revolutionary new plan for a settlement freeze. Details of the plan, however, indicate that the deadlock will be easy to repair. Read the full story

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Ehud Barak’s (latest) “Generous Offer” to the Palestinians


Israel’s current Defense Minister and former Prime Minister Ehud Barak was plainly anxious to see me. “You’ve got to get down here right away, Barb, or I’m going to give this story to someone else,” he said over the phone. “I’ve always said that resolution of the Israeli-Palestinian impasse requires imagination, and I think I’ve finally come up with the perfect territorial offer for the Palestinians.” Read the full story

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Israel Protects Palestinian Land from Use


Uri Gnorant of the Israeli Bureau of Land Redemption was eager to see me. “I’m glad you’re here,” he said. “You reporters talk about how little we do for Palestinians. This is a chance to set the record straight. When it comes to environmental protection and conservation, no one could possibly do more than we do.

“Take water, for example. We have reduced Palestinian water consumption to less than a third of what it was in 1967. No place else in the world can boast such an accomplishment. Even we Israelis cannot match it. Read the full story

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Israeli MK Aryeh Eldad: We’re Willing to Share al-Aqsa


On the heels of the announcement that Israeli Knesset Member Aryeh Eldad had introduced a bill to exclude Muslims from the al-Aqsa Mosque on certain days, I caught up with him as he was testing the latrines of the new Jewish Museum of Tolerance, being built on top of the historic and ancient Muslim cemetery of Mamilla in Jerusalem.

GlossyNews.com: How are ya, Aryeh? Sorry, I couldn’t resist. Read the full story

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God, Allah And Jehovah No Longer in Charge


God, Allah and Jehovah were walking along a heavenly path, arguing as usual.

“Your people are causing trouble again and again and again!” God scolded Allah.

“Well, if Mr. Jehovah didn’t insist on having the Jewish paradise in the middle of our land then things might be a lot more relaxed,” retorted Allah. Read the full story

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Posted in ReligionismComments (10)

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