Tag Archive | "Lady Gaga"

Madonna & Lady Gaga’s New Cult is Too Much, Even for Progressives

Madonna and Lady Gaga, frustrated at Pope Francis’ apparent failure to make headway against conservative cardinals, have decided to form their own Church, in order to restore the true authentic meaning of Catholicism.

The One True Catholic Church of the All Holy Spirit of Our Universal Cosmic Mother, or OTCCOTAHSOOUCM for short, is not a new invention, but the original version of Catholicism that the real Jesus actually taught. Read the full story


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Kelly Clarkson Wants to be First Annoying US President

It had to happen one day…

We’ve already had the “First Black President™” (a white saxophone player from Arkansas), we’ve had an ACTUAL First Black President™, and there’s been talk of Hillary Clinton being the First Female President™.

I mean, you might have wondered when Tom Cruise, Mel Gibson and Marilyn Manson are casting their hats into the ring… Read the full story


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Miley Cyrus Complains About Dwindling Number of Ways to Shock Audiences

San Francisco – At a recent concert stop at the “City by the Bay”, pop nuisance Miley Cyrus whined that it’s getting too hard to shock audiences at her shows these days and that Madonna and Lady Gaga have racked up most of the good shock value over the years. Miley feels cheated.

“It’s so hard y’all! I mean, yeah, I’m a freak and all, but I’m running out of ideas that will leave my fans shaking their heads in disgust when they leave my concerts!”

The former Disney airhead went on to say she couldn’t outdo Gaga on outfits so she’s headed the other direction, thinking the less she wears, the better. Read the full story


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Lady Gaga Responds To Criticism Over Head Defecation Stunt

The Internet exploded with criticism Friday after a performance by Lady Gaga at the NSFW Music Festival in Winslow, Arizona, in which a homeless man wet defecated on her head.

Gaga was premiering the title track to her new album “Derelique” when halfway through the song Gaga sat on the stage and a pantless, dirty man in tattered clothing pulling a shopping cart straddled her head and oozed what appeared to be several gallons of a brown, chunky liquid over her head, face and body. Read the full story


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Lady Gaga Mistaken for Letterman Band Leader Paul Shaffer

It was quite an embarrassing evening for Lady Gaga Saturday when fans approached her from behind and began shouting “Paul, Paul Shaffer, can I have your autograph?”

Gaga has recently gone bald and while many love her no matter what she looks like, most agree that the look is not one of her best.

“I swear to God,” said one female fan, “I could have sworn it was Paul Shaffer when I approached from the rear. Although,” she says, “I did a double take because it didn’t make sense to me that Shaffer would be wearing short shorts and fishnet stockings.”


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Opinions & Analysis: A Few Reasons Gaddafi Deserves Respect

Colonel Moammar Kadhaffy is on his way out. There is no denying it (unless you’re him).

But before his body is discovered at the bottom of a bombed-out bunker, or cowering in the corner of a desert spider hole, it is worth remembering some of the dictator’s more inspirational qualities – some of the good things that may not be noted when writing this his soon-to-be-released obituary. Read the full story


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T-Pain Allegedly Punches Lady Gaga at NYC Nightclub

According to police, an altercation broke out this morning at 3:42 at an un-licensed after hours club on the lower east side. This wouldn’t normally make news, but the alleged aggressor was none other than auto-tune sensation T-Pain, and his victim was none uglier than meat-faced media sensation Lady Gaga. Read the full story


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Lady Gaga’s Urinal Collection Raising Eyebrows

NEW YORK, NY – There are collectors and then there are collectors — those who transcend the bounds of baubles and nostalgia to dabble in the truly unusual. Some people are content to save stamps or coins. Others express their happiness with vintage record albums or memorabilia. But in the homes of fringe collectors, all of these objects are replaced by rarities such as shrunken heads, embalmed limbs of circus freaks, found art, and toilets. Among these collectors of the unusual, New York based rocker Lady Gaga stands out.

Upon entering her fashionable mid-town New York flat, one is struck with the decorating skills that make the home’s entrance comfortable and engaging — that is until one gains the living room, where along all three walls stand 22 fully working urinals, illuminated by hidden lights. Most are strikingly well preserved. Others evoke cringes to rival those seen in the public WCs at the Port Authority. Read the full story


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Music-Composing Super Computer Deemed a Failure

PITTSBURGH, Pennsylvania – A scientist at a local university has declared his greatest achievement, a computer capable of composing original music, a complete failure. Dr. William T. Corn had been working for over fifteen years on the Artificial Music Operation Project, also called “A-MOP,” before vowing to destroy his creation. Read the full story


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Johnny Depp School Visit Ends in Tragedy

LONDON, United Kingdom (Glossy News) — What was meant to be a special day for children at Middleburytonshire Elementary will be recalled quite differently after a surprise visit from Johnny Depp took a turn for the worse.

Precocious Jessica Smythe-Flaverhaven wrote a letter to famed actor Johnny Depp, believing Captain Jack Sparrow to be a real person and not just a film character. But what many may have otherwise called adorable, PETA activists called a criminal violation of animal rights. Read the full story


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Michael Steele calls Obama ‘Whitey’

PULASKI, Tennessee (GlossyNews) — Insiders predict RNC Chairman Michael Steele will soon decide to ‘spend more time with my family’ in the wake of his recent faux pas. It appears Steele has violated the most revered tenet of the DC code; don’t make political news in July.

First expressed by President Henry Clay in 1846, the full text of his letter to Senator Byrd reads as follows: “Our Founders were wise, they thought deep. They placed the seat of Federal power in a humid, fetid, hellish swamp because that was a way to keep we blood filled ticks away from the jugular vein of the American people, at least two months out of the year. Any craven blackguard who would draw us back to our desks in July merits the opprobrium of all opportunists.” Read the full story


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Lady Gaga Bra Injures Dancers in Rehearsal

Los Angeles, CA – Little did Lady Gaga realize that the special rifle bra that was created for her “Alejandro” video actually was made from real rifles strapped to the front of the bra in such a way that when she danced, the rifles would sway from side to side.

Unfortunately, while practicing to swing the rifles both in the same direction, one of them got caught in the strapping and swung wildly to the left hitting the other rifle causing it to discharge. Read the full story


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Psychic to the Stars Makes 2010 Predictions

Chrystal Ball, self-proclaimed Psychic to the Stars has just released her predictions for the upcoming year in the entertainment industry. “Keep this list handy,” cooed Chrystal, “because you are going to have shivers running up and down your body when all my predictions come true.” Here are her top ten predictions for 2010:

1. Steven Spielberg and George Lucas are teaming up yet again to make a movie that is so big it will not be able to be shown in any movie theatre. It will have to be shown holographically into the atmosphere. Since, hypothetically speaking, it will be visible by anyone Read the full story


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