Tag Archive | "john mccain"

US: ISIS Must Sign TTIP “Or Else…”

WASHINGTON – U.S. State Department spokesman Milo Minderbinder announced today that ISIS must sign the TTIP [Transatlantic Trade and Investment Partnership] treaty by year’s end “or else we will retaliate with extreme prejudice. All options are on the table!”
“Terrorist organizations that control substantial assets, such as oil, should not be exempt from TTIP just because they are not recognized nation-states. TTIP is about promoting free trade, a goal that I’m sure that terrorists who specialize in decapitation videos can appreciate,” Minderbinder stated. Read the full story


Posted in Biz News, Politics, War ZoneComments (0)

Donald Trump’s War Record

After Donald Trump’s scathing attack on Senator John McCain’s war record the Investigation’s Department here at Glossy News did a little digging into Trump’s own military record.

It turns out that the great Donald also has a legacy of war experience.

Here is what we have uncovered:

As a young child Donald Trump on 10 separate occasions was involved in fierce snowball fights, one even causing injury to his right leg as he was hit by a devious ice-ball. Read the full story


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John McCain Wants My Money, Assumes I’m (Fiscally?) Retarded

Oh Johnny Mac, you were once a man of principle. Now you’re not even a man of interest.

With a subject line of “Get out of here, you low-life scum”. Oh this, promises to be great.

What follows from there is an avalan-tsunami-cane of red meat pandering lies. Not the usual half-truths, mind you, but outright lies. Read the full story


Posted in Internets Tubes, PoliticsComments (0)

Time To Retire Grumpy Old Senators

Everybody seems to be blaming the current do-nothing state of Congress on the fractious squabbling between different ideological factions, particularly those of the Republican persuasion.

But maybe it’s not ideology at all; maybe it’s just that we have too many grumpy old men in the Senate.

It would probably require a Constitutional amendment but I think it’s time we placed an age limit on membership in the U. S. Senate. Read the full story


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Hagel Vote On Hold, McCain Delirious

The confirmation vote of Senator Chuck Hagel for Secretary Of Defense was held up today due to the inability of the senate to reach the 60 votes needed to end debate and move to the actual vote.

Delays were caused by several republican senators who had formerly stated they would not do such a thing, only to revert to obstructive measures at the last moment. Read the full story


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Senator McCain Makes Preparations for Acceptance Speech

GlossyNews.com – In what many in the Washington beltway press are calling “just a little bit weird”, the office of Senator John McCain has sent out a press release this morning announcing his intent to hold a victory celebration for his election to president later this evening at the Motel 6 in downtown Phoenix. Read the full story


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McCain To Run For President in 2044

Burning Candles, Arizona (GlossyNews) — The poop on politics from Norbert B. Snortwhistle.

Former GOP presidential candidate John McCain will launch another bid for the White House in 2044, and is “firmly committed to running a vigorous, full-steam ahead” campaign. Read the full story


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Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ; McCain Really Lacks a Clue

This week senator John McCain really threw down. No, not his teeth or dignity, those have both been forsaken since 2000. No this week he threw down with the crazy, and even for a die-hard republican, he ante’d up the crazy in spectacular fashion.

As a donor to the senior senator from Arizona, I’m on his mailing list. I get an assortment of “My Friend” letters, though I highly doubt he’d consider me a friend. Obviously he doesn’t, or he wouldn’t espouse these ridiculous, unpatriotic lies. Read the full story


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John McCain Apologizes to Republicans for Giving Props to Obama

John McCain claims “Like many Americans, I got caught up in the moment when I wrote that op-ed in the Washington Post.”

He told fellow Republicans, “Believe me, it will never happen again.”


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Cindy McCain’s Chic Haircut Causes Senate Upheaval

PRESCOTT, AZ — GlossyNews.com: Re-elected Sen. John McCain, going on 74, seemed to coast to victory in November, easily beating Tuscon Democrat Rodney Glassman to hang onto his Arizona Senate seat. But his wife’s new chic haircut got major press, and this threw the 5-term senator into a major funk. Read the full story


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Republicans to Boycott Health Care – Turn to Self-Medication

WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — In response to the ass-trouncing recently inflicted by the Democrats over the Republicans over the hotly debated health care reform bill, Republicans in all levels of government held a press conferences early today in which they vowed that they would henceforth boycott all medical care facilities and handle all of their personal health care themselves, in their own home and using what they referred to as “traditional means”. Read the full story


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President Obama Set to Renew Inaugural Vow

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an effort to revive his flagging presidency, Barack Obama plans to renew his oath of office in a special bipartisan ceremony to be held at the Washington Monument early this spring. Falling somewhere between a full-blown inaugural parade and a pander-to-the-base campaign rally, President Obama’s vow renewal is designed to assure the American public that he is not about to become the next Jimmy Carter. Read the full story


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Sarah Palin Is a Woman for All Seasons

Sarah Palin has been called many things: touchstone, villain, heroine, MILF, you name it. What cannot be denied, however, is the fact that Palin is a towering public figure—the sort of lightning rod that people are willing to dance with in order to gin up interest in their own causes.

When John McCain chose Sarah Palin as his running mate, PayPal was nearly brought to its secure-system knees as millions of hockey moms rushed to contribute to the McCain campaign. Coincidentally, even greater numbers of soccer moms and latte liberals contributed to Barack Obama’s campaign as soon as they heard Ms. Palin open her mouth, you betcha. There’s obviously a fine line between dancing with a lightning rod and sticking your tongue on one. Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (12)

God Answers McCain’s Prayers with Resounding “No”

God, highest imagined power in all the universe, perhaps best known as the creator of day and night, took a few minutes away from his daily chore of answering billions of prayers for wealth, fame and sexual partners to publicly address a persistent request from one of his most visible, though least faithful followers, John McCain. “No,” said God, with a chorus of angels in accompaniment. “I will not honor the requests of you or Sarah Palin. Sorry. I have bigger things to deal with and you should stop praying to me for this.” Read the full story


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