Elitist Aliens? UFO Abductors Finally Turn Their Backs on Rural Working Class!

Science fiction scientology

Moreauville, LA-  “I was heading up State Route 1 from Baton Rouge, after visiting my sister and her kids. It was getting pretty late, and I’d had a couple of brews before I’d left, so when I seen the bright light appear in the sky above, I thought my eyes were just playing tricks on me. It wouldn’t be the first time.”

Meet Roger Kosnik, a handyman man from central Louisiana who claims that he was nearly abducted by a UFO late, last Thursday night.

“My truck all of the sudden died, then I was blasted with a bright blue light. Musta been a tractor beam or something, ’cause I felt the suspension of the Dodge give, then we started to lift off the ground.”

I asked Roger if he had been abducted by an UFO.

“Naw. The truck was about fifteen or twenty feet off the ground, when I seen what looked like a BMW comin’ down the road, judging by the shape of its headlights. It slowed down as it passed underneath, then continued up the road. Next thing I know, the light of the tractor beam started to fade, and me and the Dodge slowly started to sink to the ground. When the tires touched the pavement, the beam disappeared, and the light took off in the direction of the Beemer.”

“A few miles up the road, I came upon the light again. It had the Beemer in its tractor beam this time. I watched for another five minutes, until the car disappeared into the ships hull. Next thing I knew, the ship was gone. Beemer too. What a bummer.”

“A bummer for the other driver?” I asked him.

“What? No. I mean a bummer for me. Damn Aliens tossed me back for that BMW like I was a light bass to a man who had just hooked himself a sea monster. It was humiliating. Same thing happened to my cousin Earl who lives out Nevada. Earl said him and his Gremlin got tossed back for some doctor in a Jaguar last month. I’ll tell you what, those Aliens are discriminating.”

Apparently Roger isn’t the only one who thinks so.  

According to UFOlogist and part-time paranormal investigator Rain Barnes, a new pattern has recently emerged when it comes to close encounters of the third kind. “In the last decade we’ve seen a drastic shift in the socio-economics of abductees. It used to be, back in the golden days of UFO encounters, the Fifties through the Seventies, Aliens would go after damn near anybody. As long as they were operating a motorized vehicle of some sort, be it a car, truck, tractor or plane, and as long as there weren’t too many witnesses, everybody was fair game.”

“Then, in the 1980’s a new pattern began to emerge, which ran clear through to the early 0ughts.  It was in this period we saw a huge spike in drifters, homeless people, drunkards, the mentally ill and what we experts like to call yokels, you know… less educated folks. Once again that trend has shifted. Now most abductees are working professionals; lawyers, doctors, accountants and the likes. It’s as if the aliens are saying, people without a degree need not apply.”

A dejected Roger told me at the conclusion of our interview, “Seemed like everybody used to  have a crazy uncle or a drunken brother who’d been on an Alien ship. It was like a badge of honor for many families, but not anymore. Even that’s gone to the city folk with their fancy diplomas. I just don’t know what this world is coming too. These days, even the aliens seem to be passing us by…”


Author: Fort Nag

Ft. Nag is a poet and speculative satirist who lives in Sacramento, CA. "Real News and Fake News have become interchangeable in our world today. This probably won't help. Sorry."