In this era of economic uncertainty, it’s easy to forget that millionaire child traffickers have it rough sometimes too. So the struggles of Miley Cyrus, Inc. have been a sadly ignored story, supplanted in the news by stuff about families sleeping in cars at Wal-Mart parking lots, those selfish media hogs.

At issue has been how exactly to turn some bucks off the allegedly talented Cyrus, now that she is attaining adulthood. Read the full story

The US Postal Service Postmaster General, Melvis P. Phelps, introduced the new Miley Cyrus Upskirt Postage Stamp to a mostly stunned and open mouthed crowd of reporters. Over the hushed crowd, he immediately tried to explain the importance of bringing newer, more youthful stamp collectors and users into the US Postal system.

“Look folks, with the newer generations of consumers, we have to try to approach things on their terms. They like seeing their movie actors and singing stars look like sluts, right?” Read the full story

SAN FRANCISCO, Kalifornia (GlossyNews) — Underage puddy cat queen, Miley Cyrus, who stunned her ‘tween fans by climbing out of a convertible in front of hundreds of paparazzi wearing a skin-tight mini dress with no underwear, is keynote speaker at this years Flasher’s convention and Flash-in held in a seedy park near downtown L.A. Read the full story

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (GlossyNews) — After blowing the top off the entertainment world by exposing her bottom, a la Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus has come up with another stunner to draw media attention to herself, a la John Lennon: she claims her vagina is now more popular than Jesus.

During a recent press conference in which Cyrus touted her new CD, “Can’t Be Tamed,” Cyrus was asked about the mounting popularity of her underage underworld, recently flashed around the Internet after she allegedly exited a vehicle in front of paparazzi cameras while not wearing panties. Read the full story

ANTOFAGASTA, Chile (GlossyNewsSA) — Posted by your South America correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez.

OK, when that little boy climbed Everest, we thought it was sweet. He was with his Poppy, and there’s a mob of helpers and guides on those trips. I’m not discounting the achievement in any way, but you have to admit? Getting rich people to the top of Everest is about the only cash business in Nepal. Give those Sherpas $20K, they’ll carry you to the summit piggy back. I’m not saying anything we don’t all know, right?

But this dumb broad who has herself stranded in the Indian Ocean, that’s totally different. I’ll tell you one thing? That chica is lucky Maria and Consuela Lopez aren’t on the rescue fleet headed her way. We’d jerk her bald headed. Read the full story

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Reality television star Tila Tequila has canceled her Twitter account after telling her 309,980 followers that “Twitter is full of nothing but the most hateful devil worshippers, terrorists, racists, greeks, and fat people that I have ever seen! Twitter is bad. My true fans know where to find me.” Read the full story

What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Nick Jonas? Tiger Woods was married when he “dated” all those other girls. Nick Jonas on the other hand, is quickly approaching Woods as one of the most prolific daters on the Hollywood scene and he seems to prefer Disney dolls to Nickelodeon hotties, although he hasn’t ruled the latter out.

Said Jonas’ manager, “he’s dated so many Disney stars that I just gave up trying to count them. The gossip-istas have him dating Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Jordan Pruitt and a couple others, but those are the stars. Hell, it’s not uncommon to see Jonas making time with the girl that gets him coffee in the morning or any one of the producers’ teen daughters that accompany their parents onto the sets. He may look innocent enough, but man is he a horn dog.” Sources tell us that even a severe talking to by Billy Ray Cyrus last year wasn’t enough to keep Jonas from trying to “board the Bonetown Express” as he put it, on a daily basis.

All over the world, teens and tweens alike are clutching their Hannah Montana throw pillows and sobbing uncontrollably that their favorite television personality, Hannah Montana, is gearing up to shoot the last season of the Hannah Montana show.

According to a spokesperson for Disney Channel Worldwide, “The last episode will be bittersweet as we say good-bye to our little Miss Montana.” Read the full story

President Barack Obama officially declared a public health emergency due to H1N1 on Friday evening, and did so with a gusto uncustomary even for him.

The Obama Administration said this proclamation will waive certain standard federal requirements as needed, on a case-by-case basis, specifically pertaining to peep and/or tug n’ grind entertainment facilities. Read the full story