This is the transcript Senator Bubble made.
It is the first video he watched after Sandy had just spoken with him for the very last time in her life.
OTIS SPENGLER [PEDANTIC JERK!]
An incredible update on the explosion in Georgia earlier today.
The emergency services are even now pulling out more survivors from the wreckage of The Amber Hornet Discotheque.
Investigations into the cause of the explosion are ongoing, but the Companions of the True Islamic State have explicitly claimed responsibility for the attack.
Rumours that the elite college fraternity ‘Parthenon of Iowa’ were meeting in the basement remain to be confirmed.
I guess I won’t say any more about that for now, but it seems something very dangerous and sinister is afoot.
Have a look at this footage.
Seems that there are some people, whoever they are, who genuinely hate us, and who hate the best of what we stand for.
[DON’T MAKE IT SOUND SO FRICKIN’ CREEPY, YOU LIBERAL ASSHOLE! IT’S JUST A FEW FRIENDS MEETING UP TO HAVE A FEW BEERS AND CHECK OUT THE WILDLIFE!]
But just look at this incredible footage!
[SENATOR MARCUS BUBBLE GLORIOUSLY EMERGES FROM THE WRECKAGE. ONLY NEEDS TWO MEDICAL GIRLIES TO HELP HIM TO HIS FEET].
OTIS SPENGLER
Wow. Just…
Wow. I’m just in awe. I mean, isn’t it just an incredible sight, Cassy?
A guy like Senator Marcus Bubble emerging from the wreckage like that.
Somebody up there, or somewhere or other, I guess, must really love this country. It’s a miracle!
It’s just not of this world, that’s what I think. Pretty out of the ordinary.
I mean, whether it came from up there, down there, wherever, it’s not just the kind of mundane, mediocre happenstance that seems to be a staple of our political environment right now.
[WELL, NO FRICKIN’ SHIT, OTIS! WHY DO THEY PAY YOU TO COME OUT WITH THIS INANE CLAPTRAP? SOUNDS LIKE SOME STUPID FIVE-YEAR-OLD KID WHO’S JUST DISCOVERED WHO SANTA CLAUS IS!]
CASSIE-JANE HELMAN
Oh, wow! It’s Senator Marcus Bubble.
[WELL, WHO ELSE WAS IT GONNA BE? I WAS THERE, YOU WEREN’T! JUST DEAL WITH IT, YOU PRISSY LIBERAL HACK!]
Oh, gosh, this is just so… incredible!
[WOULD YOU JUST QUIT YOUR GUSHING? I’M SICK OF THIS SLICK, METROPOLITAN COASTAL SENSATIONALISM. WHY DON’T YOU TELL THEM ABOUT THE TIME I SAVED THE BUFFALOS FROM…
OH AND THE LIBERAL GEORGIA MEDIA DIDN’T EVEN THANK ME! THEY CAME OUT WITH ALL THIS PEDANTIC’ CONFLICT OF INTEREST’ CLAPTRAP…
OH WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? I’M FRICKIN’ DONE WITH THIS SHIT ALREADY FUCK YOU, OTIS AND CASSIE! YOU DIDN’T SUCCEED IN SPOILING MY MOMENT. BUT I’VE GOT EVEN BIGGER PLANS COME ATCHA IN THE NEAR FUTURE…
PLANS THAT ARE SOOOOOOOO FRICKIN’ BIG, YOU CAN’T EVEN IMAGINE. SO SUCK ON THAT ONE, YOU PRETENTIOUS PROG-HOLE ASSHATS!
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