Category: News In Your Briefs
Rob Portman Takes Over Romney Campaign While Romney in London
The GOP has seized its chance to finally rid itself of Mitt Romney as their presumptive Presidential candidate. Just minutes after Romney’s plane was supposedly landing in London, GOP Chairman Reice Priebus announced on CNN that Ohio Senator Rob Portman…
Rahm Emanuel Skips Bohemian Grove to Attend Comic-Con
The world may, indeed, be coming to an end with news that Chicago Mayor, Rahm Emanuel, has decided this year to skip his annual trip to the secretive Bohemian Grove to attend Comic-Con 2012 in San Diego. “I couldn’t miss…
Barack Obama Thanks Bristol Palin for Unsolicited Parental Advice
Barack Obama made certain that he acknowledged the wise words he received indirectly Friday from Bristol Palin with regards to his stance on same-sex marriage. “We are just incredibly thankful to have someone as mature and wise as Bristol Palin…
Roy Blunt Talks Hoes Not Women on International Women’s Day
Sen. Roy Blunt (R-Mo) chose International Women’s Day to talk about hoes. Here’s how he chose to honor March 8, 2012 on Twitter: Today is Natl Agriculture Day. Hope you’ll join me to recognize the vital benefits agriculture plays in…
GlossyNews Launches Hostile Takeover of The Onion
Around 3:00AM this morning, editors and contributors of GlossyNews snuck into The Onion’s corporate office. Armed with biting words and keen wit they successfully carried out a hostile takeover. As of this morning, all news originating from TheOnion’s website and…
Anderson Cooper Gives In and Asks Kathy Griffin on a Real Date
Friends of both Kathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper were elated when told that Cooper has finally given in to Griffin’s amorous advances and agreed to take her on a date. “It was the next logical step,” claims Mitzi Moloney, one…
Michele Bachmann Claims God Sometimes Tells Her to Say Stupid Things
Michele Bachmann appeared on CBS’s Face the Nation Sunday to cover her tracks yet again with the familiar line “Of course, that’s not what I meant to say. I was just trying to be funny.” Bachmann was trying to explain…
Bernanke Claims Quantity Not Quality Goal of New Stimulus Plan
In a shocking move this morning, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke announced yet another new plan to stimulate the US economy with what has been labelled ‘Quantative Easing Number Six Thousand Eight Hundred and Forty Seven.’ “Clearly the other six…
Glossy News Rumor Mill on the Fritz
Glossy News is usually the first to get all the news that is fit to print out there for everyone in a somewhat timely manner. However, due to mechanical failures which have occurred in the past couple of weeks, the…
Paypal Founder Invests $1.25 Million to Create Floating Libertarian Habitat
Billionaires with more money than they know what to do with are flocking to a company known as Seasteading Institute to get in on the ground floor, so to speak, on building floating countries (oil-platform-like structures) where they can exercise…