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Latest Populist Policies Carrying Trump to Victory (2/2)

Latest Populist Policies Carrying Trump to Victory (2/2)

4. BAN STUPID MUSIC FROM CLUBS!!! 

Why can’t we just have the clubs play proper music that you can actually dance and sing to? Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, I mean, hell, even Creedence Clearwater Revival, just throwing that one out there!

I mean, I couldn’t care less, but we just have to do something! How much longer are the American people gonna have to put up with this?

You know what, you’re sick and tired of it, I’m sick and tired of it too. Let’s put an end to this and put a stop to all this pathetic, ridiculous music, once and for all! Freedom of speech doesn’t mean your stupid tunes have to be heard by just about everyone! That’s not what America is all about!

(Sheesh! That ‘freedom of speech demands accountability’ schtick sounded like a Clinton thing, right? Well, I’ve given money to Democrats too. You know, I’m not a dogmatic kinda guy!)

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Politics0 Comments

Conspiracy Theories – The Website For The Well Informed Paranoiac

Conspiracy Theories – The Website For The Well Informed Paranoiac

Conspiracy Theories is the hard hitting website that isn’t afraid to investigate and expose the dark forces that seek to prey in so many devious ways upon the general publicum. We are here because you need us! We are ever vigilant against those evil people, organizations, nations and cultures that are out to handicap and repress our great American lifestyle.

The following are the dark, sinister plots we have uncovered this week:

Conspiracy Theory # 3,482- Valiant researchers have discovered that dentists around the world have been weaving minute, low grade diamonds into the threads of dental floss for years.

These small specks of the hardest mineral known to man slowly erode the base of teeth with each flossing, eventually leading to the destruction of the enamel protecting their sensitive core. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Internets Tubes0 Comments

Glossy News Spam Surge: Establishment ‘Godwinbots’ to Blame (2/2)

Glossy News Spam Surge: Establishment ‘Godwinbots’ to Blame (2/2)

As every establishment career politician knows, repetition is of the essence of persuasion.

So, here’s a quick refresher on what the Godwinbots afflicting Glossy News and most of the serious internet are up to.

Unpatriotic Pinko Troll Example #1:

 Goering said ‘all you have to do is create a fictional or at least semi-fictional enemy within and without, and then bring the people to your bidding to denounce the naysayers as traitors and parasites.’ Sound familiar?

 Godwinbot Takedown:

 StfUP_ with ur MORREL E-EQUIVALENC, DUDE! Y;U are literilly worse tanh HITTLERRR!!!!!

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Politics0 Comments

Glossy News Spam Surge: Establishment ‘Godwinbots’ to Blame (1/2)

Glossy News Spam Surge: Establishment ‘Godwinbots’ to Blame (1/2)

The loyal vigilance of the Glossy News team is keeping your comments pages free from spam, from dawn to dusk.

Glossy News is at the forefront of taking out spambots whenever and wherever they poke their thieving, parasitical tentacles.

But what is it that drives these cynical, malevolent bastards, the true enemies of all authentic and legitimate satire? Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Politics0 Comments

Google Googled Google Just To Ogle The Googles About Google.

Google Googled Google Just To Ogle The Googles About Google.

Barney Google googled Google just to ogle the googles about Gooble.
The googles that Google googled had oodles of googles about Google.
There is a gargantuan glossary of googles about Googles.
Gaggles of Google groupies google Google all the time. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes0 Comments

Windows 10 Introduces Wide Array of Exciting New System Errors

Windows 10 Introduces Wide Array of Exciting New System Errors

Microsoft is proud to introduce Windows 10, the latest version of our operating system for PCs and tablets.

To help you get to know our new system better, here are answers to some questions you might have.

Why is it called Windows 10 when your last operating system was Windows 8?

Lots of people have asked this question. Some folks think that that because Windows 8 was such an unpopular disaster we wanted to put a little numerical distance between it and our new system. Continue Reading

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Internets Tubes2 Comments

The “joy” of buying a new computer

The “joy” of buying a new computer

I recently bought a new laptop because my old one was having problems. From my purchase experience, I want to pass along the following helpful piece of advice: NEVER EVER BUY A NEW COMPUTER.

Limp along with your Apple Lisa for as long as you possibly can – because once you buy a new computer, your nightmares have just begun. The following is a 100% true retelling of my experience. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Society0 Comments

Podcast 006 – 8/31/2015

Podcast 006 – 8/31/2015

In the first of my 2nd round of five 4K/UHD podcasts, I cover a lot of ground, some of it even interesting. Here are just a few of the topics:

A reminder this is available in UHD on YouTube by searching “Glossy Podcast” or as an MP3 on iTunes by searching “Glossy News”. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Podcasts0 Comments

Glossy News Podcast 8/17/2015

Glossy News Podcast 8/17/2015

In my fourth inexplicably 4K/UHD podcast, I cover a lot of ground, some of it even interesting. Here are just a few of the topics:

An in depth look at how things actually used to be more expensive than they are today.

A true story of a man who dies and returns to life with an experience at heaven’s gate. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Podcasts0 Comments

Third Glossy News Podcast for your listen/viewing Pleasure

Third Glossy News Podcast for your listen/viewing Pleasure

In my third inexplicably 4K/UHD podcast, I cover a lot of ground, some of it even interesting. Here are just a few of the topics.

I invite you to celebrate S’mores Day and offer some wild and tasty recipes for what can do to get the most out of it.

A quick film recommendation for Tucker & Dale vs. Evil with Alan Tudyk and the ever lovely Katrina Bowden. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Podcasts0 Comments

4K Glossy News Review Weekly Podcast Celebrates 1-week Anniversary

4K Glossy News Review Weekly Podcast Celebrates 1-week Anniversary

Last week the Glossy News podcast launched and the results have been whelming.

Not exactly overwhelming, but whelming nonetheless. Under, I think is the prefix I’m looking for.

If you’re looking for heaven on earth, this thing is hell on wheels, except that it has no wheels, as it’s a podcast, though one offered in stunning 4K resolution. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Podcasts, Video News0 Comments

Glossy News Podcast Comes 7/27/15, and I Need Your Help!

Glossy News Podcast Comes 7/27/15, and I Need Your Help!

Some have called him “funny,” “awesome,” and “kind,” but as kind as they are, my kids won’t be able to listen to my podcast for adult language and themes.

On July 27th, the Glossy News podcast will launch with five Podisodes already ready to go. It started as a “free” project, but it’s quickly blossomed into something far more sinister, amazing and expensive.

You can see a mediocre 22-minute preview of the podcast below, but the important thing is that I need your help! Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Podcasts, Video News0 Comments

Google Becomes Main Source Of Knowledge In Universe; God Steps Down

Google Becomes Main Source Of Knowledge In Universe; God Steps Down

Accumulating a huge mass of knowledge in its 17 years of existence, the Internet giant Google has officially made itself the greatest source of knowledge in the entire universe, surpassing even that of Douglas Adam’s giant planet computer in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

In a surprising move as a result of this development, God has stepped down as the Supreme Force of the Universe. Asked to make a public statement about this unexpected change, God refused at first to answer reporters’ questions. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Religionism7 Comments

Our Crowdfunded North Korea Movie is Chugging Along, but it Needs Your Help

Our Crowdfunded North Korea Movie is Chugging Along, but it Needs Your Help

Kim Jong-Un is reportedly flipping his shit since the wide release of “The Interview”, which even his most dastardly designs did nothing to diminish.

We’re about halfway done filming ours, and I must say, it… looks… amazing. “The Interview” was pure Hollywood, but ours aims to really take the piss out of him and his absurd hermit kingdom.

Here is a pre-pre-trailer to show you what we’ve got so far, but if you scroll down far enough and read things close enough, you’ll get to see an actual clip from the movie to show you what we’re doing. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Politics, Video News7 Comments

John Kerry Finally Gets Around to Threatening Glossynews (Syrian Cooking Pots!)

John Kerry Finally Gets Around to Threatening Glossynews (Syrian Cooking Pots!)

John Kerry has threatened the pitiful Unamerican/Uncosmopolitan “satire” outlet “Glossynews” with humanitarian annihilation, if we do not shape up.

Read the transcript, and promise me not to laugh. This shit is serious.

The illegitimate Glossynews editorial regime and its vicious hack collaborators, for too long, have defied the wrath of the International Community.

These despicable hooligans truly are “Sinners in the Hand of an Angry Military-Industrial Complex,” and it’s about time they started acting accountably. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, War Zone0 Comments

Discovery Channel Commits DMCA Fraud (seriously)

Discovery Channel Commits DMCA Fraud (seriously)

Discovery Channel is at it again. This time they’ve targeted two of our videos and taken them down.

This is the fourth time they or one of their affiliates have targeted our video “How Hot Dogs are REALLY Made” and the first time they’ve targeted “How Chicken Nuggets are REALLY Made“.

They are committing fraud, plain and simple.

When the hot dog video first went online, they filed a claim to assume all ad revenue. At first, I let it slide because I didn’t know better. For the vast majority of the life of this video, Discovery Channel kept every penny of revenue.

Months later came a very nasty take down notice from their partners in Canada. They didn’t just want the money, they wanted it gone, going as far as to write a custom (non-form) letter describing it as “disgusting”. I’d had enough so I did my research and fought them.

The law firm in Quebec immediately backed down knowing they had no standing. I also contested the “Matched 3rd Party Content” claim from Discovery and had that reversed as well.

Last month, without any notice, Discovery filed another claim instantly taking all my ad revenue without so much as a notice. It wasn’t until I looked into my stats that I even saw it. I immediately contested it and a few days later, it was reversed. The money was still gone from that time, of course, but that’s just how YouTube protects its dying-media partners.

On this one, it wasn’t so much as a new claim, but the exact same claim one second later in the video.

Yesterday I went to look at my stats and found that Discovery had filed two new claims against my videos. Not content with taking all the money (since I’d stopped them twice before) they simply had the videos removed.

These are two of my biggest videos we’re talking about. About 150 people see them every day, but not now. Not until YouTube or Discovery Network admit, once again, that these fall under the Fair Use doctrine.

Fair Use Doctrine Explained

According to this document from Stanford, “Most fair use analysis falls into two categories: (1) commentary and criticism, or (2) parody.”

A parody is a work that ridicules another, usually well-known work, by imitating it in a comic way. Judges understand that, by its nature, parody demands some taking from the original work being parodied. Unlike other forms of fair use, a fairly extensive use of the original work is permitted in a parody in order to “conjure up” the original.

In the case of both videos, they were not simply taken as a whole and republished. They substantially borrowed from, but substantially provided commentary on both processes outlined.

The Transformative Factor: The Purpose and Character of Your Use

In a 1994 case, the Supreme Court emphasized this first factor as being a primary indicator of fair use. At issue is whether the material has been used to help create something new or merely copied verbatim into another work. When taking portions of copyrighted work, ask yourself the following questions:

– Has the material you have taken from the original work been transformed by adding new expression or meaning?
– Was value added to the original by creating new information, new aesthetics, new insights, and understandings?

In a parody, for example, the parodist transforms the original by holding it up to ridicule.

Are the works transformative? You bet your ass. New expression and meaning is the entire point my videos. New information is literally what’s created.

The Effect of the Use Upon the Potential Market

Another important fair use factor is whether your use deprives the copyright owner of income or undermines a new or potential market for the copyrighted work… Again, parody is given a slightly different fair use analysis with regard to the impact on the market. It’s possible that a parody may diminish or even destroy the market value of the original work. That is, the parody may be so good that the public can never take the original work seriously again. Although this may cause a loss of income, it’s not the same type of loss as when an infringer merely appropriates the work. As one judge explained, “The economic effect of a parody with which we are concerned is not its potential to destroy or diminish the market for the original—any bad review can have that effect—but whether it fulfills the demand for the original.” (Fisher v. Dees, 794 F.2d 432 (9th Cir. 1986).)

There are two important things here. First of all, the actual “How It’s Made: Hot Dogs” videos have over 60 million views. Mind has under 70,000. To argue it’s diminishing their income is laughable, but the second point is more compelling.

It doesn’t matter if I actual could diminish their work because mine is very abundantly clearly a parody. There are a few scattered comments who don’t get it, but every one of those are what judges could call a moron in a hurry.

(Example of) Fair Use. A pro-life video organization created two anti-abortion videos by borrowing video clips from a pro-choice video and juxtaposing them with actual abortion footage.

That means that even if they don’t find it funny, being transformative in parody is sufficient grounds.

What’s next with this?

I’m fighting this to the death. If they want to suggest short-of-court arrangements I’m happy to listen, but they’ve been nothing but a monumental pain in my ass and I have zero doubt I will prevail.

I haven’t used any of their footage in my newer videos about hot things are REALLY made because even though I have the right to, I have no desire to bring further attention and profit to their programming. But these two videos? Sorry guys, they’re not going anywhere.

If they want to sue me, I’ll appear and fight to the bitter end… and win… with a judgment for my costs. If they back down but continue to harass me I will file suit against them. Once or twice I can understand, but this is my fourth and fifth time dealing with them.

This isn’t a mistake, it’s standard operating procedure. It’s millionaires and billionaires fighting me for my nickel. As a matter of principal I just can’t let it go.

Bruce Campbell (no relation to the cool one, I believe,) is Discovery Network’s Chief Development & Digital Media Officer and General Counsel, which includes “all legal affairs”.

I highly doubt he knows what’s being done in his name, but I’ll leave it to you readers to decide if that’s me being serious or satirical. If he doesn’t, he needs to fix this. If he does, he needs to explain it.

Harassing, needling and nickel and diming a two-bit media guy like me isn’t just a waste of resource, it’s a lot like shaking a beehive. Well, it would be if beehives had time on their hands and a passion for righting wrongs against them and the ability to do something about it. So I guess I’m more like, well, an actual beehive.

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Posted in Internets Tubes4 Comments

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