Author: S.G. McCormick
Bono and Geldof ask Africa to save Ireland
Soweto: Irish pop stars Bob Geldof and U2’s Bono have announced their latest African tour for October of this year. The tour, aptly named “DebtAid” is set to raise funds and prevent famine in the recession-stricken Irish Republic. “This time we’ve…
Elizabeth Taylor: “Heaven Too Awkward”, After Running Into 5 Ex-Husbands
Modern day journalistic prophets have announced Elizabeth Taylor was in heaven for no more than five minutes before the first complaints rolled in this morning. Taylor, famous for her feisty temper, charitable nature and a career spanning five decades with…
Wikileaks Founder Charged w/ Molesting Dozens of Political Careers
Washington 0500hrs: Creepy-looking founder of Wikileaks and alleged evil genius, Julian Assange, has officially been charged by prosecutors in Florida with molesting at least 26 political careers over the course of a single week last year. The controversial figurehead and…
BP Offers Disaster Response Expertise to Failing Nuke Reactor
Media release: Monaco, 0800hrs, Energy giant BP, (formerly British Petroleum) has announced an offer of support to the Japanese government overnight, pledging to fully rebuild the nation’s damaged nuclear reactors on undisclosed but “very favorable” terms.
“Unstoppable-Radioactive-Tsunami-Earthquake” Reports Initially Dismissed as Bizarre Charlie Sheen Quote
“A Bank of Tokyo official was upbeat, suggesting insurance losses to the disaster would be offset by a reduced amount of traffic accidents in subsequent years”