Author: Rusty Shackleford
Detroit Reportedly Selling VCR
DETROIT—Sources reported sighting an ad listing a VCR for sale by the citizens of Detroit on Wednesday. Due to financial struggles, it appears the 698,012 residents of Detroit have been driven to taking various measures for some extra cash. The…
Breakfast Burrito Connoisseur Frankly Thinks Hardee’s Can Do Better
KANSAS CITY, MO—After eating breakfast at a local Hardee’s Friday morning, resident and self-described “breakfast burrito aficionado” Lloyd Schoepp was “honestly let down” by his burrito eating experience. The tortilla-wrapped breakfast concoction that Hardee’s offers consists of “eggs, pieces of…
Coworker Enraged Man Hasn’t Seen City Slickers 2
CHARLOTTE, NC—While at work Wednesday morning, area insurance agent Anthony Deakins was taken aback by the inexplicably aggressive and passionate reaction of his coworker after Deakins told him he had not seen the film City Slickers 2: The Legend of…
Man Attributes Good Fortune to Constantly Dreading Next Moment
LEXINGTON, KY—Local resident Darren Windley claims to be able to stave off misfortune by living in constant fear of horrible things happening to him in the immediate future. Windley says he discovered this phenomenon years ago after going to the…
Woman Watching Sitcom Frustrated Characters Not Doing Things Most Logical, Efficient Way
MILWAUKEE, WI—While watching television Tuesday night, Diane Goodwyn expressed to reporters her frustration regarding characters in the ABC sitcom Tell Me About It doing things that made already bad situations only worse. “No one wants to see that,” said the…