Author: Don Plattner
College Senior More Concerned With Zombie Apocalypse Than Future
University if Missouri, Columbia — Despite his mounting college debt and lack of employment, college senior Brent Hamilton appears to be more troubled by the prospect of a zombie apocalypse than his imminent future. “Brent’s always been a little eccentric,…
Billionaire Fantasizes About Teleporting, Reading Minds
REDWOOD CITY, CA — While waiting for board members of his multinational corporation to convene, Oracle founder Larry Ellison reportedly daydreamed about possessing superpowers. “Can you imagine how amazing it would be to teleport anywhere with a single thought?” mused…
Serial Killer Ashamed He Used The N-Word
While cutting out individual letters from various newspapers and magazines, local serial killer Simon Thompson told Iron E-News that although he used the N-word while strangling an African American, the killing was not racially motivated. “I don’t know what came…