College Senior More Concerned With Zombie Apocalypse Than Future

University if Missouri, Columbia — Despite his mounting college debt and lack of employment, college senior Brent Hamilton appears to be more troubled by the prospect of a zombie apocalypse than his imminent future.

“Brent’s always been a little eccentric, but lately all he talks about is a potential zombie outbreak,” revealed Devin Carter, Brent’s roommate for the past two years.

“He can’t even walk to class without pointing out which buildings are deathtraps and whether or not a facility is perfect for undead sniping. The guy didn’t even consider going to the job fair because it was being held in the Mizzou Rec Complex.

“Honestly, I’m really worried about his obsession with the zombies,” continued Devin, referring to the genre of fiction with foundations in Haitian folklore. “I’m pretty sure he hasn’t started looking for a job, and I know he doesn’t have much money, not after he bought three hundred dollars worth of non-perishable army rations and bottled water.”

“At first I thought it was just a phase,” confirmed ex-girlfriend, Jenna Sampson. “But then he ‘borrowed’ some money for a water purifier, and I realized he’d finally lost it. He knew I was saving that money for when genetically modified crops go awry, and I need to find the last unsullied seeds on earth. What he did was a total waste.”

Although those interviewed were unsure what Brent’s immediate future holds, all agreed that in the case of an actual outbreak, Brent would probably be the first casualty.

Author: Don Plattner

Satire, Poker, and Science. Nothing better.

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