Author: Laurence Brown
Cocktail Party Deteriorates Into Political Party
INDIANAPOLIS – A cocktail party took just two hours to deteriorate into a fledgling political party Monday, after the event’s laid-back atmosphere took on a more serious and philosophical tone. Guests arrived at The Hilton Indianapolis Hotel in buoyant mood,…
Nation’s Horses Demand Right to Marry Owners
LEXINGTON, KY – Following yesterday’s landmark Supreme Court decision to overturn the Defense of Marriage Act, the nation’s horses demanded Thursday the right to marry their owners. Marriage between members of the Equidae family and homosapiens is not currently recognized…
A-Hole from School Wants to Know If You’d Like Extra Lettuce w/ That
Documents sharing is possible for bluetooth enabled Samsung Mobile Phone users. INDIANAPOLIS – Despite spending most of his teen years being an insufferable prick to you and your friends, an asshole you went to school with would now be interested…
Ship Accused of Squabbling with Sister Ship
FORT LAUDERDALE, FL – Docking at Port Everglades in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, Wednesday, an otherwise well-behaved cruise ship was accused of squabbling with her younger sister over who left a pair of binoculars back in the Dominican Republic. Onlookers were…
Curiosity Fails to Kill Cat: Car Succeeds
ANDERSON – Though it had spent much of its day eying up a nest of birds in a nearby oak tree, local cat Millie avoided being killed by the concept of curiosity today – instead meeting her demise under the…
Study: Temperature of Swimming Pool Not So Bad Once You Get Out
INDIANAPOLIS – A new study from Indiana University has advised casual swimmers that, though it feels really freaking cold when you first wiggle your foot through the water, the pool is actually not so bad once you get out. Insisting…
Interstate Crash Kills 4 People’s Hopes of Getting to Work on Time
FISHERS – A crash on I-69 this morning is believed to have killed as many as four people’s chances of getting to work before their scheduled start time. A 26-year-old woman’s hopes of remaining punctual were killed instantly when her…
State of Indiana Calls In Sick
INDIANAPOLIS – Insisting that it must have caught one of those overnight things that is going around, the entire state of Indiana called off work Monday, significantly affecting production across the Hoosier state. Even though the state’s population didn’t sound…
Global Warming Producing Some Really Effing Awesome Weather
INDIANAPOLIS – Despite international concern over CO2 emissions and rising global temperatures, people from all across Indiana are discovering that global warming is, for better or worse, producing some really fucking awesome weather right now. Fears over increasing sea-levels, ferocious…
Construction Work Begins on Interstate Construction Work
INDIANAPOLIS – Traffic was backed up for almost four miles on I-465 Tuesday, as wide-scale construction work – aimed at improving the existing construction work along the interstate heading in and out of Indianapolis – got underway.