Day: August 1, 2014
This Old Man Arrested On Ten Counts of Child Molestation
72 year old Gunther Schnell was arrested this afternoon for 10 counts of child sexual molestation after it was revealed he was performing “knick knack” on various parts of children’s bodies. “Currently we have ten victims”, said arresting officer John…
Billionaire Fantasizes About Teleporting, Reading Minds
REDWOOD CITY, CA — While waiting for board members of his multinational corporation to convene, Oracle founder Larry Ellison reportedly daydreamed about possessing superpowers. “Can you imagine how amazing it would be to teleport anywhere with a single thought?” mused…
Miracle Whip Forsakes Forlorn Food Gobbler
Kraft, purveyor of many fine foods and some others a bit on the course side. To me, they’re the makers of Miracle Whip, and the miracles were nothing short of canonization-worthy. Yes, I’m talking about the now-discontinued dipping and sammy…