Chris Christie Kills Spider, Triggers Collapse of Western Civilization

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie unintentionally set forth a sequence of events that will ultimately lead to the fall of the United States government and all of Western civilization when he smashed a tiny spider last week.

The spider, which was crawling on the governor’s desk as he spoke to a group of schoolchildren, should have gone unnoticed by his daughter, Bridget Christie. She instead observed her father’s brave demonstration, which sparked the fourth-grader’s interest in pest and insect control. Read more Chris Christie Kills Spider, Triggers Collapse of Western Civilization


The Diminished Quality of Our American Hippies

I am writing this out of concern for the quality of hippies we have here in America at the moment.

The other day I overheard a small group of alternative types in a natural food store discussing how they were going to fly around the U.S. this summer.

Since when, I do ask, do hippies FLY other than when they have scored some particularly good dope? REAL hippies hitchhike or ride bikes or drive around in old VW vans that have seen more engine changes than Joan Collins has seen face lifts. Read more The Diminished Quality of Our American Hippies


Return of Christ Announced (comic)

We’ve all wondered when He’d get around to returning. At the sermon on the mount he said he’d return before the last of them in attendance had died, but what a kidder that Christ was, for the love of God.

If Christ returned, would he be given a platform from which to speak his peace, or would He immediately be re-crucified, most likely by His own adherents. How would they actually know it’s Him?

I’ve heard it said that, we “would know,” but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from social media, it’s that even with the most resounding of consensus, there are still 200-million people who disagree. Will they form their own religion?

It’s not like there will be any supernatural occurrence that will convince the world. No, that would require an actual Christ, a being that has never been properly documented of scientifically falsified.

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