Scandal-plagued Labour leader, otherwise known as Jihadi Jez and Jezbollah, has recently decided to improve his anti-racism credentials…
By joining the fight against Jew hatred.
Following Labour’s recent ‘white tax’ and white privilege workshops, Labour have now decided that, to quote an old radical socialist saw, ‘Ending white privilege starts with ending Jewish privilege.’
Workshops include such stunning highbrow, respectable, bourgeois socialist insights as:
I have Jewish privilege, because I can commit genocide and crimes against humanity against the native population, without being labelled as a Nazi.
I have Jewish privilege, because I can control the entirety of the media, without having anyone ask me what the hell I’m doing.
I have Jewish privilege, because I own 99% of the world’s wealth, with less than 1% of the effort any other race have to make in order just to barely survive.
I have Jewish privilege, because I cause all of the problems in the world, but get 0% of the blame.
I have Jewish privilege, because whenever I spread racism, capitalism, homophobia, fatphobia, ableism, neoliberalism and other evil right wing ideologies of socio-economic exploitation, nobody cares; but whenever other people spread other forms of exploitation and abuse, on a much smaller scale, the media and the police are persecuting and oppressing them 24/7!
The miniscule remaining Jewish contingent of Labour have been ritually humiliated and self (?!) flagellated for their own good, until they finally learned to check their Jewish privilege. Since then, there has been no more privileged behaviour; no more self-serving, tone-deaf excusemaking; and no more shameless, sinister self-apologism. Labour Jews have learned to stay in their own lanes, and not deny the lived experiences of others…
Namely, the goyim.
These staggeringly enlightened social justice workshops were accompanied by some edgy ‘Unpacking Internalised Goyphobia’ re-education sessions for the non-self-loathing-Jew kind of Labour antisemites. Although of course, by now, these are actually the overwhelming majority of Labour Jew haters:
Internalised goyphobia is when I want to criticise Israeli apartheid, but then I feel guilty about it, because the neoliberal fake news Murdoch press is feeding us the despicable lie that Jews are actually the oppressed of this world, rather than the oppressors.
Internalised goyphobia is when I compare Israel to the Nazis, but then I feel guilty about it, because I’ve forgotten that the Holocaust is actually really just a miniscule detail of history, and we all have to keep an eye on the big picture.
Internalised goyphobia is when racist, Islamophobic Tories and Alt-Right Nazis (who are also, by the way, antisemitic against all real Jews; like Jewdas and Neturei Karta, for instance), spread disgusting Jewish supremacist lies and fake news about the entirely imaginary Daily Mail and gutter red-top neoliberal press fabrication of ‘Labour Antisemitism…’ And I remain silent, purely because I’m tempted to think that maybe there might just be such a thing as ‘left-wing antisemitism…’ Which of course is complete and utter nonsense, as we all know and agree!
For after all, there has never been a single socialist antisemite in history. Otherwise, given the perfect mastery of nature that socialists are known for, they would probably have succeeded in building gas-chambers, purely for the purposes of exterminating the Jewish population. But we all know that ever happened, and only a complete and utter sellout Murdoch stooge would ever claim that it did!
The Liberal Democrats are upset to hear about these recent developments, because they would have much preferred a woolly compromise instead. “Maybe we could have a Jewish privilege and a Goy privilege workshop? That would be great for finding a nice, safe, comfortable middle ground, to facilitate the engineering of yet another tolerant, diverse, inclusive society… Only this time, it’s for real!”
The Tories, on the other hand, are very upset…
Because instead of deliberately sabotaging his own chances yet again, Jez has actually finally found a strategy with genuine mass appeal among the Labour party grassroots.