Categorized | Travel, World News

Crocodile Eats 75 Villagers in Remote Kenyan Park

Crocodile Eats 75 Villagers in Remote Kenyan Park

Bwanna, Kenya – (SatireWorld.com)

Game preserve officers tracked down and killed a 45 foot long crocodile today after it was seen leaving a village it decimated during an evening celebration. The reptile is being reported as the ‘world’s largest crocodile.’

First reports claimed upwards of 50 native villagers were eaten, but game warden Benji Wonamoto said the final body count was 75 and maybe more.

The remote Kenyan village was empty of life when newspaper reporters dropped in by helicopter to survey the damages. Decades old huts were ripped from their foundation and the remains of a birthday party could be clearly seen as piles of torn and trampled colorful paper and bloody cloth.

PHOTO INSERT: The crocodile was killed by preserve rangers after it had eaten 75 tribe members at a remote village during a birthday celebration. The mostly intact upper torso remains of of the deceased villagers (after being recovered from the creature’s stomach) were propped up behind the crocodile in case next of kin need to identify the victims

“The croc must have surprised the people and they couldn’t flee fast enough,” said neigboring village elder Bongo Mwattabe. He pointed toward a large locked gate that prevented the village people from fleeing the quick moving reptile.

Game wardens tracked the beast by finding bloody remains, discarded sneakers, and several deflated basketballs haphazardly arrayed along the crocodile’s exit path back to the muddy river. Once spotted, the wardens killed the crocodile and emptied its stomach contents in hopes of identifying victims.

According to Head Warden Lance Boyle, “We found all 75 remains plus a few unexplained items.” The items in question were a man’s Italian-made shoe, a wallet, and several 8 track tapes from the late 1960’s.

Nairobi coroner Edmond Mydostoto released the contents of the wallet as belonging to long missing Mobuto Obama, a distant relative of the U.S. president, Barack Obama. The 8-track tapes were identified as Happy Birthday song tracks recorded in 1969 by the Monkees. The shoe remains a mystery.

White House presidential representatives have promised to send flowers, a new 8-track player, and a few condolence cards.

Share

This post was written by

- who has written 119 posts on GlossyNews.com.

Hello, I'm Bargis Tryhol and currently live somewhere in the southern part of the USA. I have been writing humor for quite a few years and love to make fun of the liberals who in recent years seem to be falling by the wayside in droves. My online following is fairly large now, so a big 'shout out' to all who have embraced my lopsided humor. I do appreciate the support. You can visit my website Satire World for more outrageous humor.... SatireWorld.com Comments or retribution? Bargistryhol@aol.com

.

2 Responses to “Crocodile Eats 75 Villagers in Remote Kenyan Park”

  1. Mike Kelly says:

    This is a very troubling article. What the heck were they doing playing the Monkees?

  2. Kb Morena Mokoena says:

    This is a false story , I personally know the person who shot this crocodile.It was in Zimbabwe not Kenya.The croc had killed the livestock and also people but the story about villagers in Kenya is far from the truth.That has nothing to do with Obama.It was not in Kenyan Park.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks


Leave a Reply


We are also looking for a satire editor
and a Clever Photoshop Guru...
Glossy News Fake Commercials!





Glossy News Exclusive Exposés

-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Visit the “Old Version” of our Site

     
Still want more? Find thousands of buried satirical gems in our archives on the old version of Glossy News!

Check This Out!

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

12 posts
6 posts
4 posts
3 posts
3 posts


All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial