Handlers Say Biden Will Be On a ‘Soothing Lithium Drip’ For The VP Debate

Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com)

After publically claiming ‘it’s only 30 more days to the erection,’ Joe Biden handlers have taken matters into their own hands and have placed the Vice President into the care of the White House Physician for immediate treatment in order to have the VP compete in Wednesday’s Vice Presidential debate.

Dr. Benjamin Halstead says the Vice President is suffering from pre-debate anxiety and in order for him to function normally, a sedative must be administered.

PHOTO INSERT: When asked about the poor economy under his administration, Biden’s reaction was rather excitable, but moments later the auto-drip of Lithium kicked in and the VP returned to telling the audience a story about a man who collected fungi photos.”

“He’s afraid of the debate,’ says Dr. Halstead who has treated other high strung members of House and senate, most recently, Harry Reid for foot and mouth disease and Nancy Pelosi for extreme light-headedness.

The Vice President has cleared the treatment with the National Debate Organization and will be allowed to have a physician approved lithium drip running into his veins during the debate,” says Dr. Halstead in an official press release distributed earlier today.

‘Crazy Uncle Joe’ as he’s known by the press corp has in the past ‘lost it’ when the carefully protective media somehow allowed hard questions to be asked of which Biden hadn’t a clue for an answer. So, in order to control the frequent outbursts of foul language and distorted facial features due to his anxiety, his handler thought the chemical Lithium would help.

According to Paul Wonderling, the VP’s personal assistant…”At least he’ll have a smile though somewhat crooked at times. We hope he doesn’t drool too much while on camera.”

Republican Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan promised he’ll bring a coloring book or two for Joe Biden to play with in case he gets too excited…”I hope he can stay within the lines when he colors,’ said Ryan as he showed the Dumbo and Curious George coloring books to the media.

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