Categorized | Celebrity Gossip, Sportsfolk

Prison Medical Request Denied by Sandusky Judge During Sentencing

Prison Medical Request Denied by Sandusky Judge During Sentencing

Harrisburg, PA – (SatireWorld.com)

Judge Marvin Hayes denied an anal plug request for recently convicted child molester Jerry Sandusky submitted by his defense team upon sentencing this week.

Sandusky’s recent conviction of 45 counts of serial child molestation and subsequent sentencing requires him to spend the rest of his life behind bars in a maxiumum security prison.

PHOTO INSERT: The judge transfered all proceeds from Penn State’s ‘Little Weiner’endorsement deal to benefit victims.

Hayes did grant permission for Sandusky to bring his personal ‘soap-on-a-rope’ to forestall any accidental homosexual motivated acts in the prison showers. Sandusky, age 68, is due to report for his 45 consecutive life sentences early in August at a maximum security prison in rural Pennsylvania.

Sandusky’s attorney Bellwin Kornholer requested the medically approved anal plug as a means of protecting his client’s ‘good manly virtue’ after receiving word that Sandusky will openly share all prison facilities with other prisoners and will not be afforded solitary confinement, nor personal protection from other inmates due to state budget cuts.

Several prison gangs have stated they’ll afford Sandusky ‘very personal protection’ and will give him their full attention as he attempts to fit in with the general prison population. According to lifer Alberto ‘Crazy Al’ Rodriguez, ” Me and the boys will have a little welcoming celebration for Jerry just as soon as the lights go out at 10PM.”

A spokesman for Sandusky says his client is innocent and that the 45 counts were fabricated lies and he’ll prove his innocence in prison by being a model prisoner.

Rodriguez says Sandusky’s innocence will be quickly forgotten and suggests that Sandusky really just forget the anal plug stuff and requests maybe a gag and a quite a few cases of K-Y jelly.

Share

This post was written by

- who has written 119 posts on GlossyNews.com.

Hello, I'm Bargis Tryhol and currently live somewhere in the southern part of the USA. I have been writing humor for quite a few years and love to make fun of the liberals who in recent years seem to be falling by the wayside in droves. My online following is fairly large now, so a big 'shout out' to all who have embraced my lopsided humor. I do appreciate the support. You can visit my website Satire World for more outrageous humor.... SatireWorld.com Comments or retribution? Bargistryhol@aol.com

.

One Response to “Prison Medical Request Denied by Sandusky Judge During Sentencing”

  1. Mike Kelly says:

    For some reason I don’t think he’s going to be scared “straight” either.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks


Leave a Reply


We are also looking for a satire editor
and a Clever Photoshop Guru...
Check out our friends:
Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Glossy Exclusive Video: How Hot Dogs are REALLY Made
(Comment on this video here)
-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Visit the “Old Version” of our Site

     
Still want more? Find thousands of buried satirical gems in our archives on the old version of Glossy News!

Check This Out!

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

14 posts
6 posts
3 posts
3 posts
2 posts
2 posts


All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial