Harrisburg, PA – (SatireWorld.com)
Judge Marvin Hayes denied an anal plug request for recently convicted child molester Jerry Sandusky submitted by his defense team upon sentencing this week.
Sandusky’s recent conviction of 45 counts of serial child molestation and subsequent sentencing requires him to spend the rest of his life behind bars in a maxiumum security prison.
PHOTO INSERT: The judge transfered all proceeds from Penn State’s ‘Little Weiner’endorsement deal to benefit victims.
Hayes did grant permission for Sandusky to bring his personal ‘soap-on-a-rope’ to forestall any accidental homosexual motivated acts in the prison showers. Sandusky, age 68, is due to report for his 45 consecutive life sentences early in August at a maximum security prison in rural Pennsylvania.
Sandusky’s attorney Bellwin Kornholer requested the medically approved anal plug as a means of protecting his client’s ‘good manly virtue’ after receiving word that Sandusky will openly share all prison facilities with other prisoners and will not be afforded solitary confinement, nor personal protection from other inmates due to state budget cuts.
Several prison gangs have stated they’ll afford Sandusky ‘very personal protection’ and will give him their full attention as he attempts to fit in with the general prison population. According to lifer Alberto ‘Crazy Al’ Rodriguez, ” Me and the boys will have a little welcoming celebration for Jerry just as soon as the lights go out at 10PM.”
A spokesman for Sandusky says his client is innocent and that the 45 counts were fabricated lies and he’ll prove his innocence in prison by being a model prisoner.
Rodriguez says Sandusky’s innocence will be quickly forgotten and suggests that Sandusky really just forget the anal plug stuff and requests maybe a gag and a quite a few cases of K-Y jelly.