NRA Opens Gaza Chapter

The National Rifle Association announced today the opening of its new chapter in the Palestinian Gaza Strip. Wayne LePire, NRA Executionary Vice President, said the establishment of an NRA chapter in Gaza was long overdue.

RIGHT: The NRA’s new Gaza office. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

“We hope to achieve for Palestinians the same right that we enjoy as Americans to accumulate our own personal arsenals of democracy. We wish to share our success in defense of these rights with our new friends in Gaza,” said LePire. “We were shocked to discover that although Jewish citizens of Israel have nearly unlimited access to weapons, they have gone to extreme lengths to deny similar rights to Palestinians living under their rule – including many who have Israeli citizenship. Our Gaza chapter will be working to reclaim these rights.”

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With regard to the choice of Gaza as the location for the office, LePire said that although the NRA would also like to open an office in the West Bank, neither Israeli authorities nor their Palestinian subcontractors would issue the necessary permits. “We recognize that Palestinian access to weapons is limited even more in the West Bank and Israel than it is in Gaza. However, we have to start somewhere, and if we are successful in opening the door for more weapons in Gaza, we think that it will be the model for the West Bank, as well. We think that guns are the answer to many of the problems that Palestinians face.”

“We think that guns are the answer to many of the problems that Palestinians face.”

“What has been the reaction to the new NRA Gaza office?” I asked.

“It has been mixed,” said LePire. “The Israelis have been quite hostile to it, and the Abbas government had no comment. However, the Hamas leadership has been quite supportive. Surprisingly, we have encountered resistance from sicko pacifist Palestinian groups similar what we see back in the U.S. These idiots seems to think that nonviolent resistance will get results for them. One reason we felt it was important to open our Gaza office was to counter the growing threat to freedom of arms trafficking that these groups represent.”

“Is there any particular significance to the opening date?”

“Frankly, we opened a week earlier than originally intended because our members in Gaza just couldn’t wait. We wanted the opening to coincide with Martin Luther King Day [January 21] because we know that the great civil rights leader would have been a staunch defender of the right to own and carry weapons. It is tragic that he lost his life due to a lack of sufficient weaponry in the civil rights community. We are here to make sure people are properly armed. There’s no gun problem that can’t be solved by more and bigger guns.”

Author: Barb Weir

Barb Weir is the pseudonym of a writer and social justice advocate in the San Francisco Bay Area.

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