GlossyNews.com – Well Hung Chad Boehner is a tall, beefy male escort in St. Petersberg, Florida. And by his estimation, he’s set to have the best day of his career.
“I [started] advertising on BackPage.com under the name “Well-Hung Chad” about a week ago, and I’ve got dates setup back to front to back all day long,” said Boehner from his Cutlas Sierra office.
“I’m getting a lot of older gentlemen who just want to weep and hold me, but they won’t say why. I just pat them on the head and say ‘there there, dude’.”
Boehner said his local “poleing station” is the Super 8 on Bell Grande Ave, and that he only has two openings available, but four appointments for dates.
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When asked how he fills in as a surrogate lover to swing voters, he offered, “Oh this is definitely a swinger state, and I know because it’s chapping me raw,” though it’s unclear what he meant and we wisely declined to ask him a follow-up question.
“At the rate I’m filling my schedule I’ll easily have the longest, hardest day of my [sweaty, disgusting] career,” he said, smoking a Virginia Slim while scratching vigorously at the crotch of his pants. “This election has been good for my erection.”
EDITOR’S NOTE: Full disclosure, Boehner did provide free services in exchange for coverage in this article, but only in the weeping and consolation department.
bargis, okay, but the one after he waxed his chest, the other one is too scary.
Calm down Mike…I’ll send over an 8 x 10 of Bowser from Sha Na Na
Is there an email address to order an 8X10 of the cover photo? Just saying…
I meant it too! The better the headline, the more readership!
Dude, Bargis… thank you. I know your standards for what makes the funny, and when you lavish a compliment, I know you don't do it for no reason. Thank you sir. I really and truly appreciate your kudos.
Possibly the funniest headline of all time
Well he certainly looks clean enough to eat a cheesecake off of, but I never would. not because I'm anti-gay, it's just the callories. Can't do it. I've lost too much weight to go back now…. and I know you don't care but I simply must brag. I started at 250 and as of yesterday I'm down to 203… pretty friggen solid, I must say.