Top-11 Reasons Barack Obama Will Win the Election

As the election season winds down, the one thing that is clear is that the pseudo muslim usurper, Barack Hussein Obama, is going to walk away with this election handily.

But many looking at this election from the outside don’t see this quite as open-and-shut as those of us in the reality-stream-media do.

So to those of you who don’t understand why it is that Barack Obama is going to run away with this election, please consider these following points.

RIGHT: Barack Obama reading a press release issued by the Romney campaign. (CLICK PHOTO TO ENLARGE)

Here are the reasons Barack Hussein Obama will win the election:

  1. The economics have already trickled down enough.
  2. Once you go black, you never go back.
  3. Because the economy has improved, stupid.
  4. Basketball is still more popular than dressage.
  5. He will make Netanyahu his new Secretary of State.
  6. He will let Romney do all the talking, at least on domestic matters.
  7. Wall Street thinks he’s good for another bailout.
  8. Black don’t crack… that’s an axiom. You can take it to the bank.
  9. Barry White beats Lynard Skynard.
  10. People couldn’t take 4 years of watching the “Romney walk”.
  11. According to Sarah Palin, he has a bigger stick.

This story also had contribution from Barb Weir and P. Beckert.

Author: Brian White

Brian first began peddling his humorous wares with a series of Xerox printed books in fifth grade. Since then he's published over two thousand satire and humor articles, as well as eight stage plays, a 13-episode cable sitcom and three (terrible) screenplays. He is a freelance writer by trade and an expert in the field of viral entertainment marketing. He is the author of many of the biggest hoaxes of recent years, a shameful accomplishment in which he takes exceptional pride.

8 thoughts on “Top-11 Reasons Barack Obama Will Win the Election

  1. Wait….that guy was SERIOUS??? I thought this was a satire site!
    But, truth be told, I DO know where Jimmy Hoffa’s body is: in his garage. Under some magazines. Scary, scary magazines.

  2. Wow Steven Huff, you live in a scary world. I can see why you’d vote for anybody but Obama (may I recommend Gary Johnson.) The majority of Americans live in a different world — the real world.

    If Obama signed less executive orders you’d say he’s not doing his job. I thought he was too busy playing golf to do any work, never mind that he’s logged more actual time on the job than any president in the last 30-years (except Clinton, but we know what he was doing in his office.

    You see, the thing is that for all your fear, none of it has materialized. All the fearful predictions from 2008 have been forgotten because none of them came true.

    So I don’t care which reason you pick, but Obama is going to win, so you better get used to it.. and if you’re planning an armed rebellion, may I suggest you announce it loudly now so others will be prepared… to arrest you.

  3. Oh, c’mon now!
    Can’t we all just get along?

    Ah, forget about it; it will never work.

    I forgot this was election year.

  4. Within the last 100 years there has been a little over 120 signed into law since Teddy Roosevelt was president in 1901 until Barrack Hussein Obama took office in 2008.
    Obama has issued 923 executive orders himself within the last 40 months.
    10990 allows the government to take over all modes of Transportation and control of highways and seaports. 10995 allows the government to seize and control the Communication media. 10997 allows the government to take over all electrical power, Gas, petroleum, fuels and minerals. 10998 allows the government to take over all food resources and Farms. 11000 allows the government to mobilize civilians into work Brigades under government supervision. 11001 allows the government to take over all health, education And welfare functions. 11002 designates the registration of all persons. Postmaster General to Operate a national registration 11003 allows the government to Take over all airports and aircraft, including commercial aircraft. 11004 allows the Housing and Finance Authority to relocate Communities, build new housing with public funds, designate areas to be Abandoned, and establish new locations for populations. 11005 allows the government to take over railroads, inland Waterways and public storage facilities. 11049 assigns emergency preparedness function to federal Departments and agencies, consolidating 21 operative Executive Orders issued Over a fifteen year period. 11051 specifies the responsibility of the Office of Emergency Planning and gives authorization to put all Executive Orders into effect in Times of increased international tensions and economic or financial crisis. 11310 grants authority to the Department of Justice to enforce The plans set out in Executive Orders, to institute industrial support, to Establish judicial and legislative liaison, to control all aliens, to operate Penal and correctional institutions, and to advise and assist the President. 11921 allows the Federal Emergency Preparedness Agency to Develop plans to establish control over the mechanisms of production and Distribution, of energy sources, wages, salaries, credit and the flow of money In U.S. Financial institution in any undefined national emergency. It also provides that when a state of emergency is declared by the President, Congress cannot review the action for six months. Just this week, Obama has issued a new executive order that seeks to
    “harmonize” U.S. economic regulations with the rest of the world. This new
    executive order is yet another incremental step that is pushing us closer to a
    North American Union and a one world economic system.

    Feel free to verify the “executive orders” at will… and these are just the major ones, Watch Obama’s actions, not his words! By his actions he will show you where America is headed.
    Unfortunately, most Americans have absolutely no idea what is happening. The American people need to understand that Barack Obama is constantly looking for ways to integrate the United States more deeply with the rest of the world. The globalization of the world economy has accelerated under Obama, and this latest executive order represents a fundamental change in U.S. economic policy. Now federal regulators will be required to “harmonize” their work with the international community. People this goes way beyond food stamps and free cell phone. Is this what you really want? This isn’t how I would describe freedom!

  5. Only a Liberal moron would write an article like this. But you must be in awe after the ass kicking Obama got yesterday.. how was it ahh ahh education? ahh taxess?? ahh see ya later Mr Hussein!

  6. Obama will win because Romney just can’t keep up the pace and will self-destruct like a 1960’s Japanese toy robot (Fantasy of Democrats everywhere).

    Obama will win because White_Guilt will cross over from the netherworld of Unreality and invade this dimension (GOP ghost tales).

    Obama will win because it’s already happened (“Looper” from 7 Nov 2012).

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