Tag Archive | "taliban"

9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Part 12 ‘The New Capitol’


9/12/2001 – THE DAYS AFTER THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED – Part 12 – The New Capitol

(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country.

He begins immediately to make changes. Read the full story

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The Many (questionable) Roads To Success


So many are struggling in our current difficult economic times where the few controlling the financial strings of the country have the rest of us dancing around just to survive while they watch from the porches of their grand estates grandly amused.

In order to help those so afflicted (approximately 90% of the population) we offer this famous series of success videos and books designed to show you examples of what other individuals, groups and nations have done to win wealth for themselves. Read the full story

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Taliban Successfully Destroys Afghan Society- Reverts To Cannibalism


The Taliban has successfully destroyed every business and killed every non-conforming citizen and foreigner in Afghanistan. Left without an effective economy and without anyone who understands any technology beyond that of making heroin the entire land has fallen into a morass of chaos and starvation.

In light of these developments the Grand Mullah of the Taliban has issued a statement saying that it is allowable for his soldiers of Allah to cannibalize their fellow Afghans.

“It is permissible for those fighting in the name of Allah to partake of the flesh of other human beings. In fact, it is righteous before the Lord to so consume. Those fighting the Infidels must be strong and cannot be hindered by hunger. Those holy Believers who give their lives to feed our heroes should be proud and thankful that they can be martyrs in this way.”

The Mullah has further issued an edict listing the order in which ‘volunteers’ for the emergency food chain should be chosen:

Christians and Jews first. Originally the Mullah had placed them on a strict ‘Do Not Eat’ list because, as he said, they are the equivalent of swine, an Islamic no-no.

Buddhists, Hindus, Jains, Shintos, Satanists and all other religions that do not comply to Mohammedanism. Satanists do not taste particularly good and will perhaps be stricken from the list entirely.

White foreigners.

Paula Dean.

Non-white foreigners.

Non practicing Muslims.

Women.

Children.

Babies.

The Chief Mullah has stated that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES are clerics to be eaten! This cannot be strongly enough stated! Clerics and Mullahs are Holy men of Allah and were they to be killed the murderer would himself be immediately sent to Hell and made into shish-ka-bob, being turned over a hot fire and devoured by beasts for all eternity!!!

Many Christians have saved themselves from being eaten by declaring that they had just eaten pork, which theoretically would make their own hide unclean to eat, in which case they were merely immediately slaughtered by the Taliban and not consumed.

The lack of any modern conveniences has made it difficult for the Taliban in other ways. For instance Korans can no longer be printed. This leads to a shortage of them, which, in another way aids the clerics. Without so many to read it is easier to change the meanings of the verses to whatever purpose they want, much the way fundamentalist Christian preachers do.

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Posted in War Zone, World NewsComments (6)

What Is Wrong With This Picture from Afghanistan?


Since the beginning of the Afghan war, the coalition forces have been having a hard time training and getting the loyalty of the Afghan police and soldiers they were training to fight the Taliban and Al Queda.

“Why?” so many drill instructors, trainers, Generals and other Allied personnel have asked themselves and their superiors over and over again.

This is important especially when the people you are training might turn around their guns and take their bullets out on you instead of the Taliban; or because they ARE the Taliban. Read the full story

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Miley Cyrus Stoned For Being A Whore in Saudi Arabia


The private jet of Miley Cyrus, the young formerly squeaky clean Mouseketeer turned rich white trash singer, developed electrical problems flying back from a concert in India and was forced to make an emergency landing in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.

The plane was to have been down for only four hours for repair, but Cyrus was picked up by the Moral Police for indecency when she started singing and strutting her stuff at the airport to entertain her roadies and passerby’s. Read the full story

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Gun Companies Realize More Profit Made Being Patriotic to Taliban than US


A major financial shift has occurred within the gun manufacturing section of the United States Corporate industry. A huge surge has come about in the number of guns and ammunition being clandestinely sold to the Mid East terror organization Al Queda. Read the full story

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Taliban Reveals Their Version of the Ten Commandments


It is not well known that the Islamic Religion also uses the Bible as a prophetic religious work. That means that they believe in the Ten Commandments as received by Moses from Jehovah.

Unfortunately, as can be expected, the Taliban branch of radical Islam reinterprets them to fit its idea of the ‘holy’ way they think things should be. Read the full story

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Posted in Religionism, Strange PeopleComments (2)

First Ever Taliban Fighter vs. F-16 Combat Footage Released


Kabul, Afghanistan (SatireWorld.com)

An Air Force F-16 scrambled from allied forces Bagram Air Base today as American AWAC radar planes picked up a strange ‘bogey’ heading over the Kush mountain range from the Pakistan border areas.

An Air Force F-16C interceptor was directed to the source of the mysterious radar signature. Read the full story

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Obamacare to Include Mood Ring Mandate?


As the few remaining Tea Party freshmen and ‘Blue dog’ Democrats who are not embroiled in sex scandals stress their fiscal hawk credentials, some say it was inevitable that Obamacare would eventually feel the heat, and not just due to an untreated infection.

Sources close to the White House say nitpicking certain provisions from the Affordable Health Care Act is nothing but political posturing, while those on the other side of the debate call them obstructionist extremists. Read the full story

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Taliban Starts Rightist Evangelical Branch in U.S.


The Taliban, recognizing the similarities between their doctrines and that of the Christian Right, have started an Evangelical Taliban branch in the U.S.

Spokesman Tali Wozati stated “Although Christian fundamentalists are heathen dogs who will burn in Hell fire for eternity, we find parts of their creed to be attractive- intolerance for anything not of your religion, repression of women, ignorance of individual rights, moral control over others and committing atrocities in the name of God to cite a few.” Read the full story

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Macy’s Nixes Taliban March During NYC Thanksgiving Day Parade


According to retailer giant Macy’s, the annual New York City Thanksgiving Day Parade was put on hold today by a New York court after an injunction was granted. The Taliban of Afghanistan protested the parade after its application to march was denied by the retailer.

The Taliban Islamic extremists have also filed their own countersuit stating their ‘right to march’ just as any other religious or political group. The court stated the unfair and prejudiced actions by the extremist organization ‘made it a hate group’ and was not protected by equal rights legislation recently enacted and reviewed by the Supreme Court. Read the full story

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Posted in Strange PeopleComments (2)

Kamikaze Ninja Jihadist Taliban Squirrel Brings Down University


World News -Fairbanks, AK GlossyNews.com – An Al Queda influenced jihadist squirrel attempted to create maximum havoc at the University of Alaska in Fairbanks recently. Successfully penetrating the high security at an electrical substation, the fanatical rodent managed to blow out the campus’ main turbine.

The sacrificial squirrel’s charred body was found lying on the substation floor, a green Hamas bandanna his only clothing left. Read the full story

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‘Eat-A-Turd for the Taliban’ Big Success In Tribal Afghanistan


AFGHANISTAN (GlossyTribalNews) — In the remote tribal areas of Afghanistan, the Taliban declared today as the official “Eat A Turd For Muhammad Day.” Hundreds of armed Taliban fighters visited scores of remote tribal villages and forced village people at gunpoint to eat crap in order to show their true submission to Muhammad.

Ziki Al-Ghabouni, a spokesman for the Taliban, claims nearly a 100% of villagers participated in the event and only two dozen or so were, ‘sent to meet Muhammad’ for failing to participate. Read the full story

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Posted in Religionism, Strange PeopleComments (11)

Fatwa Declared Against GlossyNews Writer


LONDON, UK (GlossyNews) — A Fatwa has been declared against GlossyNews as a reaction to the thousands of articles ridiculing the Taliban, suicide bombers, Muslim clerics, Islamic law and a host of other things that seem strange and humorous to infidels. Internal GlossyNews security personnel issued a red alert throughout the elegant British headquarters at Number 12 Downing Street, which resides next to the Prime Minister’s offices. Read the full story

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Taliban Announces 30,000 Jihadist Surge to Match US


President Obama today announced that in line with the Rothshite Zionist-dictated edict that the United States is not allowed a Middle East or foreign policy separate from – or in conflict with – Israel’s, he will be dispatching an additional 30,000 troops to Afghanistan to reinforce the ones those nasty Taliban keep snuffing. Read the full story

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Clinton Tells Paki’s – “Tax ’em & Be Damned”


The US Secretary of State, Hilarious Rodent Clinton, in yet another typical menopausal outburst – yesterday rebuked Pakistani government officials for pleading they couldn’t afford to wage an all-out war against Taliban Dan and his gang of Jolly Jihadi insurgents infiltrating the northern provinces of the basket case country due the government coffers being emptier than Old Mother Hubbard’s recession-hit cupboard. Read the full story

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