Tag Archive | "Rand Paul"

Rand Paul: ‘Black & LGBT Folks? Just Try Another Bus’


Rand Paul has recently denied the legitimacy of laws forbidding discrimination against LGBT employees.

But this is not the only argument he has ever made in this vein. See this transcript of some previously unrevealed comments he made at a college.

OK. Yes, from a purely moral, or dare I say ‘moralistic’ point of view, it wasn’t very pleasant for black people to not be allowed to sit on the front of the bus.

I mean, in fairness, if some people in the USA started banning Jews, Muslims, disabled people, women, or anyone else of that general, y’know, ‘diverse’ type, then I think that would actually be kind of petty and mean-spirited!

Well, from a particular point of view, I guess. Read the full story

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Trumpenstein Horror Now Threatens Republicans


A Rathskeller deep in the forested woods. Night has drawn its blackest curtain across the outer world, blocking out even the niggardly light from the stars.

Rain hammers against the windows and lightning cackles in the air.

A troupe of men with faces that seek the shadows meet in a corner booth away from the gazes of the other inn patrons.

They speak in cautious whispers that they wish no other ears to intrude upon: Read the full story

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Presidential Hopeful Rand Paul Says Terrorists Have Better Music


Cleveland Ohio – On August 6th the presidential hopefuls for the Republican party gathered in attempts to remind people that Donald Trump is not a real candidate.

Among the cocks in the cluster fuck were Governor Chris “Bridge-y McHugs” Christie and Rand Paul, a poodle fur ‘merkin enthusiast. Read the full story

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States Planning Secession. United States Finished?


A new political entity was born today as all States west of the Mississippi seceded from the Union and created their own nation called The League of States That Remembers What Reality Is.

Fed up with decades of following a government that only recognized the needs and interests of those within a 200 mile radius of Washington, the League (hereafter referred to as the LSTRWRI to keep from using up all my printer ink) made Barrow, Alaska its capital, made Rand Paul its Emperor and named Sarah Palin its Queen just to keep her happy and quiet (not that she really knows anything about reality). Read the full story

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Rand and Rev. Al Share the Pie Equally, Dems and Reps Unimpressed


Senator Rand Paul and Reverend Al Sharpton have shown some interparty solidarity and cut up a blueberry pie™ into equal slices at a dialogue and lunch event.

Hey listen, this man Senator Rand Paul is great!

gushes Reverend Al:

I mean, I haven’t seen such mutual engagement and co-operation for a long time!

Well, not since the US State Department got to working with Jabhat-al-Nusra and ISIS to bring down President Assad, anyhow!

Well, let me tell you something, we can work with this man alright! And that blueberry pie; oh my gosh, I’ve never had such succulent blue-sky-colored berries and crusty pastry… wow!

Mmm-hm! Wow! You said, ‘Reverend Al, where’s our blueberry pie?’ Let me tell you something, my friend; the blueberry pie’s right here!

Mmm! Sorry about that! But yeah, I mean, this Senator is cooking up something really special!

Senator Paul is also buoyant:

Reverend Al is not only a hero of the Civil Rights Movement, but from this day forward, I am deeply honored to call him a friend.

I mean, this is just so exciting. I’ve never had a black friend of color before!

But listen carefully. Reverend Al, this good buddy of mine, he just seems like a normal, regular guy…

You know, like all the straight, male, white guys at the GOP I normally hang around with!

Now listen up, everybody. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that black people are bad folks.

I mean, hell, we need as many votes from the African American community as we can get!

Yeah, I mean, racism just doesn’t make sense, where we are now, the modern world, 2015…

Leading up to 2016! I mean, I couldn’t possibly justify our alienating any more black voters!

So yeah, we’re gonna have to have some more dialogue meetings like this.

And more: I promise you this Al, next time, you will have your chance to speak, as much as anyone else!

Hm. Um, Al. I kinda think you and your friends have had enough. D’you mind letting me have the rest of this stuff?

I mean, this was all a good idea, but I don’t want to take it too far.

Yeah, let’s not go overboard here. Fair’s fair!

But others in both the Republic and Democratic Parties (surprisingly) are skeptical. Rick Perry says:

I don’t think all those greedy Democrats™ at this shallow publicity stunt™ deserved such a ridiculously large slice of pie. They have contributed very little to this country. All this talk about cutting up the pie™, I’m sick of it! Déjà vu city!

Hillary Clinton is unimpressed too:

So… let me get this straight. I know it sounds like I’m repeating myself time and time again, but Reverend Al has a lifetime’s experience of™ pastoral work, preaching, providing spiritual counseling, and plenty of civil activism. What does Rand Paul have™?

Yes, what does Rand Paul have? Just one insignificant little picture of him, stuffing his face with a DESSERT! He won’t succeed! There’s just no way on earth this man deserves to be President!

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Bi-Partisan Summit Ends Aprubtly After Attendees Unable to Agree Who Gets to be the Car in Monopoly


Monopoly strikes again. No, not the kind that FDR broke-up in the 1930s. This is the kind that tears families apart and tests the boundaries of the relationships of the participants involved.

This is a game that often ends in name-calling and ridiculing Uncle Herman for his obviously fake toupée. This is the board game Monopoly, and it is some serious s*it.

RIGHT: Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) seen here camping out in the Monopoly race car, just to make sure no one else gets it. (CLICK IMAGE TO ENLARGE)

With Washington constantly facing polarizing issues such as health care, the budget, and immigration, it is important for members of Congress to occasionally arrange meetings or socialize to some degree across the aisle with members of the opposing party. Read the full story

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New NSA Allegations Surround Facebook Number Game


You may have noticed a recent Facebook game on your newsfeed lately where friends assign each other numbers to reveal not so random facts about each other.

It may have seemed harmless enough admitting that your favorite food is chocolate or that you usually watch Duck Dynasty in the nude, but new allegations are coming forth about the game being linked to the Obama Administration and the NSA’s secret wiretapping scandal. Read the full story

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Tea Party Representatives to Support Work and Education Centers for Poor


The debate over entitlement, drug testing of children who receive food stamps and student loans took surprising turn on the House floor.

Representative Ted Cruz (R-TX) said, “We were debating the issue of drug testing when somebody said, ‘What would it take to round them up and make them work?’ We had a good chuckle, but someone else said, “No really. Read the full story

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Study: Libertarians Enjoy BDSM More Than Fascists


Results of a new study completed by Grove City College suggest self-identifying libertarians like Bondage, Dominance, Submission, Sadism and Masochism (BDSM) relationships more than their opposites on the political spectrum: the fascists.

Out of the 10000 people polled (split 50-50 between both ideologies), the libertarian column came up with an 89 percent appreciation rate for such relationships, whilst the fascists registered at only 48 percent. Read the full story

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Slime looks forward to joining cesspool in U.S. House


The gelled waste that once held office as South Carolina Governor has been elected to the U.S. House of Representatives. The win marks a major political comeback for the slime, Mark Sanford, who resigned after an extramarital glop in 2009.

After disappearing for five days in the summer of 2009, the slime admitted in a news conference he had been in Argentina slushing with his mistress after having told his staff he was scuzzing in the Appalachian Trail. Read the full story

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CPAC 2013 Ended and So Didn’t Their Movement


Closing out of the 2013 CPAC (Conservative People Acting Crazy) conference has left many on the right feeling less than exhilarated.

Their ideals, thoughts, and policies that no longer align with changes in society have once again left them opposed to the harsh realities of modern culture. Read the full story

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Congress and Senate Forced to Enroll in Hooked on Phonics


Congress has come under intense scrutiny in recent years for not reading the bills they pass. Regarding the recently passed health care bill Nancy Pelosi has gone on record stating “We have to pass the bill so that we can find out what is in it.” Read the full story

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VP 2012: Mitt’s Pick gets Nitpicked


ON THE GOPTEA™ TRAIL —GlossyNews Inevitable, unstoppable, charismatic Juggernaut Willard ‘Mitt’ Romney faced heated questioning this week on the issue of VP selection. The name Rand Paul has been surfacing with increased frequency among Romney confidantes, leading some election watchers to speculate whether unholy bargains have been made down at the Crossroads. Read the full story

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Joe Biden Takes on Fatherly Role at Debt Ceiling Talks


Vice President Joe Biden is using a unique approach when it comes to dealing with the petulant freshman Senators who aren’t budging an inch on the debt ceiling talks. Treating them like his sons, he has taken on a fatherly role in trying to convince them to come to some sort of agreement on how to get the budget crisis under control. Read the full story

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Candidate with the Biggest Mouth or Most Bizarre Message Wins


In the run up to the this year’s mid-term elections we’ve seen some of the most bizarre behavior and comments coming out of the candidates, especially those who claim to be ordinary Americans wanting to take America back. Come time to vote, unfortunately, those people stand to win and win big.

It’s not because of any message of hope they bring to an America that is hobbling around on a bum economy, but more because of who they are, Read the full story

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