Tag Archive | "hypocrisy"

My Plan to Stop Racist Bigots (A Modest Proposal)


I’m going to tolerate respectable MIC racism for decades and shout down anyone who starts imagining things and calling me a bigot.

Then when my racism starts turning into genuinely indecent racism, I am going to let these ignorant right-wing bigots they have REALLY crossed a line. Read the full story

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Posted in Human Interest, Opinion/EditorialComments (0)

Christians buy “What would an Iron Age yokel do?” bracelet


Dateline: CHARLOTTE, NC—Along with its more famous line of wristbands, emblazoned with the words, “What would Jesus do?” Dollars for Jesus, a Christian merchandise company began selling a mysterious alternative, a wristband asking its wearer, “What would an Iron Age yokel do?”

Christians who are evidently hard-pressed to know how to stay true to their religion in modern societies flocked to purchase multiple copies of the new bracelet, figuring that this must be an even more incisive way of testing a Christian’s authenticity.
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Posted in ReligionismComments (4)

Duck Dynasty Delusions & American Social Cohesion in Jeopardy, Experts warn


Dateline: WEST MONROE, LA—Phil Robertson, star of A&E’s Duck Dynasty, got into trouble with his politically incorrect comments about homosexuality being un-Christian.

For financial reasons, A&E stood by Mr. Robertson, Duck Dynasty will continue filming, and conservative groups have applauded the network.

However, shockwaves from the swirling winds created by the clash between conservative and liberal delusions are still propagating and culture critics warn that they threaten to destroy America with a mega tornado of bluster.
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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, ReligionismComments (0)

Tea Party Advocates Destruction of All of America (Except its Golf Courses)


Dateline: WASHINGTON—Senator and reputed Tea Party leader Ted Cruz introduced a resolution to the Senate yesterday, calling for the immolation of all of the United States apart from its golf courses. Speaking in favour of the motion on the congressional floor, he said he “wished to clarify the Tea Party message in response to misconceptions of Republican anarchism.”

He opposes what he called “the Democrats’ slander of patriotic Americans,” according to which Tea Partiers are “bomb-throwing, black-mask wearing nihilists and anarchists.” Read the full story

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Pope Francis’s Superficial Christlikeness is Miraculous, Observers Say


Dateline: VATICAN—Experts agree that Pope Francis has made a concerted effort to change people’s impression of the Catholic Church, by adopting a less ostentatious style of public relations, leading non-Christians and Christians alike to be astonished that a Christian in the modern age would dare to be even superficially Christlike.

Instead of staying in the papal apartments in the Apostolic Palace, the pope lives in a guesthouse, he wears simpler vestments than his predecessors, he drives in a 30-year old, nonfortified, used Renault instead of the traditional Popemobile, he carries his own luggage, he meets people from his front door rather than from a balcony, he washed the feet of criminal offenders, and he took the name Francis in honour of the saint who devoted himself to humility and the poor. Read the full story

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Florida AG Pam Bondi’s Long Beautiful Hair


TAMPA – Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi speaks before the Republican National Convention this week on the subject of a whisper campaign.

Will she or won’t she?

Known for her gleaming blonde hair and barback good looks, the rumor is Ms. Bondi will formally announce her acceptance of a multi-million dollar Clairol contract during her fifteen minutes of GOP fame.

RIGHT: This is actually her. We’re not making this up, it really is.

Ronald Reagan was the last Republican politician associated with the company best known for hair color products. Read the full story

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Posted in PoliticsComments (4)

Mexico and US Pillowtalk


Why the USA will probably never legalize drugs. (Drug Consumer played by USA; Drug Lord played by Mexico)

USA: I want to stop! Go Away!

MEXICO: No you don’t! You love it! Let me in!

USA: OK, but just for a minute. You are so bad!

MEXICO: No, you are so bad! Read the full story

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Posted in Serious CommentaryComments (0)

Gov Sanford to Leave GOP; No Longer a ‘Conservative’


Columbia, SC (GlossyNews) — Conservatives, led by newly divorced adulterer, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford (exR), whose marriage ended earlier this year after lying about his whereabouts and cheating on his wife, have lost their patience with the news media that continues to pry into their every indiscretion.

Sanford, who recently spent a vacation in Florida renewing his passion with his foreign girlfriend, became irate when journalists showed more interest in his lack of integrity and morals than in his feeble attempts to actually govern. Read the full story

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Gays Not Allowed to Pray in Wisconsin


Milwaukee, WI (GlossyNews) -– A Wisconsin District Court Judge appropriately named Crabb has ruled that there will be no praying on National Prayer Day unless it is done in private. “Whether you are an atheist or a true believer, a heterosexual or a homosexual, a Republican or a Democrat, a man or a woman, you cannot pray in Wisconsin on this day,” said the ruling handed down by Crabb. Read the full story

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World’s Last Palestinian Dies in an Israeli Zoo


FUTUREFILE Israel, 2023 – The world’s last Palestinian, an old female named Afnan, has died in an Israeli zoo, eliminating the chance that any Arab will ever again be referred to as a “Palestinian.”

Back in 2016, Afnan was found clinging to a crushed olive tree on land she claimed belonged to her grandfather. She was eventually brought to the zoo by an humanitarian group investigating war crimes against Israel during a recent dust-up between the two parties, that killed every wild Palestinian in the Gaza strip and West Bank and left scores of Israelis with minor injuries. Read the full story

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Posted in Human InterestComments (1)

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