Tag Archive | "global warming"

Oy Vey: Seinfeld to Play Romney in Biopic


Jerry Seinfeld has been cast to play Governor Mitt Romney in a yet unnamed feature film.

How hard can it be to play an empty suit?

Ask Jerry.

“The hardest part will be keeping up with this guy. Romney, he’s the gymnast of politics. He flips, he flops, he flips again. He’s all over the place.” Read the full story

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Posted in Human InterestComments (4)

Global Warming is a Scientific Fact… Like We Care


It is now an established scientific fact that global warming is taking place around the world. You can see it everywhere. Glacier National Park is melting. Huge slabs of ice in the Polar Regions are dropping into the sea like so many gigantic ice cubes into some cosmic scotch and soda.

The ocean is steadily rising. Pretty soon if you live in Florida you’ll need an inflatable raft to get to your kitchen for a snack. Read the full story

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Posted in Environment, Opinion/EditorialComments (4)

The War Against the Environment Has Yet to be Won


“We have to destroy the environment as quickly as we can.”

These are the findings of the Movement for Environmental Sabotage and Subversion (MESS).

The position of MESS is that the attempt to preserve and protect the environment and to lessen the environmental impact of human activity is irresponsible.

RIGHT: Photo courtesy of Jonathon Blakeley. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

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Posted in EnvironmentComments (1)

Mathematician Accused of Using Imaginary Numbers in Global Warming Report


After a three-week investigation, the Congressional Investigation Committee has unanimously concluded that Kansas mathematician Dr. Bernard Dietrich did intentionally and maliciously use imaginary numbers in the equations used to generate the data in the report he issued a month ago on global warming. Read the full story

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Posted in ScienceComments (2)

Global Debt Crisis Eases Worries About Global Warming


NEW YORK – Despite suffering through one of the hottest summers on record, Americans are finding that their previous concerns about the possible long-term effects of global warming have been nearly eradicated as a result of their newfound fears about the global debt crisis. Read the full story

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Posted in Environment, PoliticsComments (2)

Castro Warns of Nuclear War. Blames “Damn Kids on Lawn.”


HAVANA, Cuba – (GlossyNews) Cuban leader, Fidel Castro, delighted Cuba’s Parliament with his first public appearance in over four years. A strong, healthy, and vigorous Castro amazed Cuba’s leaders and the assembled press corps alike with his deep grasp of international issues and prophetic warnings about the course of world events.

During his brief address, Castro warned that the world “was sitting on the brink of a nuclear holocaust that could engulf every nation on the planet and lead to the extinction of our species.” He then promptly placed the blame of these events on “all those damn kids who are always running around my grass. Read the full story

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Posted in Top Stories, World NewsComments (2)

Gore Claims He Invented the ‘Happy Ending’


BALLSTON, Virginia (GlossyNews) — Mired amid controversy of alleged infidelity and sexual misconduct, former Vice President and prominent global warming activist, Al Gore, angrily dismissed these accusations today at a press corps luncheon. Read the full story

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, PoliticsComments (0)

Litterbug Fined While BP Oil Disaster Looms


Tippy Toe, LA (GlossyNews) — Amos Moses, an old Cajun who lives by his self in the swamp, hunts alligators for a livin, he just knock ’em in the head with a stomp, was fined 100 clams yesterday for tossing an old soup can from his truck window in plain sight of a Louisiana Sheriff.

As the black tide known as the BP oil disaster crept closer to shore, it was easily seen behind Moses as he stood on the side of the gravel road Read the full story

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Posted in EnvironmentComments (0)

British Petroleum Celebrates Earth Day with Huge Oil Spill


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Posted in Making HeadlinesComments (0)

GM Introducing Biodegradable Cars


Detroit, Mich. (GlossyNews): General Motors Corporation announced today the release of a line of high-tech vehicles designed to meet the demands of environmentally conscious consumers, as well as the new federal green-technologies regulations. According to a company spokesman, “The new biodegradable car, made entirely of remaindered Crocs, will return GM to international prominence as a leader in innovative automobile technologies, and position the company for increased market share in both the international and domestic markets.” Read the full story

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Posted in TechnologyComments (2)

Pope Declares God Not Dead, Only on Vacation


Speaking ex cathedra from the Vatican today, Pope Benedict XVI, in response to the many rumors that God (aka The Almighty, Yahweh, Allah, Bhagwan, etc.) is dead, attempted to clarify the Global situation and put the rumors to rest once and for all.

In an interview with Fr. Guido Sarducci, editor of The Vatican Enquirer, Pope Benny revealed that he had had a long conversation with The Almighty regarding his apparent lack of interest in matters earthly. Read the full story

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Posted in ReligionismComments (0)

Branson, Virgin to Build Ski Resort in Florida


London (GlossyNews) — A spokesman for Richard Branson today announced the entrepreneur’s plans to build a world class ski resort in Florida to take advantage of the changing climate. Stanley Kidd, in a press conference in London laid out Branson’s goal, “Richard wants to turn this whole mess of global warming into something we can enjoy and can help out the economy.” “Richard says it is time to stop whining about global warming and and actually DO something … to make money. of course.”

“We see Brevard County in Florida as one of the key tourist venues of the future as the snow will begin to pile up there in record proportions. Read the full story

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Posted in Biz NewsComments (0)

Gore Collects Internet Royalties to Stop Global Warming


Geneva, Switzerland (GlossyNews) — Albert A Gore, Nobel Prize Winner and one of the pioneers of the internet and the modern World Wide Web, announced today that as of March 1, 2010, he will begin to collect royalties for commercial internet use.

Gore, in a move that is sure to shock businesses and users alike, will charge a small, recurring, royalty fee for each and every Internet Protocol (IP) address in use. Read the full story

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Posted in World NewsComments (0)

Fox News Group Leads in Dumbing Down America


Results of a preliminary study conducted by the Institute for the Dumbing Down of America (IDDA), Fox News Group has come out way ahead of any other television network news provider as having phenomenal success in creating misinformed, less intelligent human beings over the past ten years.

According to Dr. Bo Gusfindings, “folks who have been getting their news from shows such as The Glenn Beck Show, Read the full story

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Posted in TelevisionComments (46)

Yes, Virginia, There is Global Warming


“DEAR EDITOR: I am 48 years old.
“Some of my conservative friends say there is no Global Warming.
“The UN says, ‘If you see it in a peer reviewed journal it’s so.’
“Please tell me the truth; is there Global Warming?

“VIRGINIA O’HANLON.
“115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET.”

VIRGINIA, your conservative friends are wrong.  They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. Read the full story

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Posted in EnvironmentComments (0)

Tesco-saurus Rex Naturally Embroiled in Climategate Scam


A self-proclaimed global warming expert agreed to endorse the UK’s Greediest Grocer’s position on reducing plastic bag use after his institute received a £25 zillion donation from the ubiquitous dominating supermarket chain, according to evidence gleaned by Feral Beryl McScatt from hacked e-mails and posted on her Snoop n Snitch for Truth website. Read the full story

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Posted in EnvironmentComments (0)

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