Tag Archive | "FEMA"

Should the Federal Government Help New York & New Jersey Rebuild?


The northeast was recently devastated by super-storm Sandy and the local government has found that, unlike in other natural disasters, federal action and relief has been slow coming.

To some it appears a matter of the politics of fiscal responsibility, while others cry out that catastrophes are non-partisan. Should the government respond? How should the government respond? Are we even asking the right questions? Read the full story

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Rampant Mourning: Obama Conspires with Hurricane to Steal Election


In what has been the most polarizing campaign since our nation was torn apart by Pepsi’s shocking defeat of Coke in the Pepsi Challenge of 1975, it appears that thanks to an ingenious last-minute October Surprise maneuver, President Obama has stolen the 2012 presidential election, defeating America’s (and God’s) preferred candidate, Mitt Romney. Read the full story

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Republican Whose Home Destroyed by Hurricane Sandy Reluctantly Accepts Gov Handout


STAMFORD, CT – In the aftermath of one of the worst storms to batter the East Coast of the United States in recorded history, a Republican man whose lakeside house was left with almost $1.7-million-worth of damage at the hands of Hurricane Sandy reluctantly accepted government handouts Tuesday, as FEMA moved to assist those in need.

Despite routinely criticizing the Obama Administration for its perceived expansion of entitlement programs, longtime GOP supporter, James Winkler of Stamford Connecticut, held his head in his hands today, and conceded: “okay, just this once.” Read the full story

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FEMA Releases Prep Guide for an Extinction-sized Meteorite Impact


WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) — The thought of an approaching meteor the size of Manhattan is certain to cause anyone a fair amount of anxiety.  However, you can provide some level of comfort to your family by attempting to prepare for this once-in-a-billion-years event. 

Small objects are constantly colliding with the earth every day, and most go unnoticed.  Large meteors however will very rarely cross Earth’s orbit but one can never be too prepared for the “Big One”. 

The Federal Emergency Management Agency has released simple recommendations that will guide you in avoiding the apocalyptic devastation that astronomers tell us isn’t a matter of “if” but rather “quite possibly any day now Read the full story

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Pet Stores Donate Birds to Sop Up BP Oil Spill


New Orleans, LA (GlossyNews) — The announcement that shipments of millions of small household pets would be soon arriving to the gulf region was met with cheers by cleanup crews who had all but exhausted local populations of coastal animals.

Clean up teams from across the area have been complaining that the Federal Emergency Management Agency was slow to act in replacing the dwindling number of terns, gulls, turtles, and other gulf creatures they had been using to sop up the growing volume of crude oil that was spewing into gulf waters at the rate of over 210,000 gallons a day. Read the full story

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Palin Arrested in Pre-Dawn Raid on Wasilla


Following a blitzkrieg pre-dawn raid on her rural Anchorage six bedroom igloo, involving ice picks, hot air guns and a flamethrower, a Homeland Security strike force this morning arrested failed Republican VP wannabe Sarah Palin on charges of subversion, domestic terrorism and several other acts of improbity and general wickedness – including sorcery – listed in the very small print of the Patriot Act.

While accurate details of her whereabouts are still unconfirmed at this time, Read the full story

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