Tag Archive | "Disney"

New Star Wars Film Spoilers: Yes, I Am Mean Enough To Ruin It For You… Bwhaaa, haaa, haaa, haaa

Bwaaa Haaa Haaa Haaa!

The POWER that comes with being one of the first ones to see the new Star Wars movie!
It is like being showered with the Dark Side of the Force!!!!!!

Bwaaa Haaa Haaa Haaa!

Yes, Hans Solo does come back in this new film- using a walker to get around. He finds the two new characters in his precious Millennium Falcon and yells out to them “Hey you kids! Get off my ship!” Then his dentures fall out and you can only hear him yelling in a voice that sounds as unintelligible as Chewbacca’s. Read the full story


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Scoop: Glossy News Gets Script from New Disney Star Wars Movie

Forget the stingy, 88-minute trailer just put out, we got the real scoop!

Our intrepid, rat-like reporters just got the biggest story of the whole millennium (and that includes the Millennium Falcon!)- we copped the script from the new Star Wars movie still in production!

Here is a summary of the plot: Read the full story


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Walt Disney Raises Ticket Prices From Beyond the Grave

Anaheim, California – The Disney Corporation announced a $4 per ticket price increase this week for general admission tickets to both its Disneyland and Disney World theme parks.

Disney executives cited the rising cost of power as the main reason for the price hike. “In California, we have an 85 acre theme park to power and energy prices just keep going up,” said Thomas O. Staggs, Chairman of Disney Parks and Resorts. Read the full story


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Miley Cyrus Complains About Dwindling Number of Ways to Shock Audiences

San Francisco – At a recent concert stop at the “City by the Bay”, pop nuisance Miley Cyrus whined that it’s getting too hard to shock audiences at her shows these days and that Madonna and Lady Gaga have racked up most of the good shock value over the years. Miley feels cheated.

“It’s so hard y’all! I mean, yeah, I’m a freak and all, but I’m running out of ideas that will leave my fans shaking their heads in disgust when they leave my concerts!”

The former Disney airhead went on to say she couldn’t outdo Gaga on outfits so she’s headed the other direction, thinking the less she wears, the better. Read the full story


Posted in Celebrity Gossip, MusicComments (1)

Miley Cyrus Quotes ‘Then’ and ‘Now’

My, oh my, have times changed. Just a scant three years ago, Miley Cyrus quit the Disney Channel, and her role as Hannah Montana, to become America’s most-watched sex kitten. Talk about your quick-change artists.

We thought it would be fun to look back at some of Miley’s quotes, many made during her Hannah Montana years, and update them to give you a peep show of what the all-grown-up child star is up to these days.

MC Then: My mom is always telling me it takes a long time to get to the top, but a short time to get to the bottom. Read the full story


Posted in Celebrity GossipComments (4)

“The Mouse” Extracts His Revenge

The Mouse has had enough.

Within his realm, The Mouse would be written THE MOUSE, but here on this satire site we are safe from his surveillance and what could be misconstrued as a sign of disrespect.

At least for now, that is.

For years The Mouse has watched as young upstarts have corroded the Empire that he and his Master have so carefully and painstakingly put together. Read the full story


Posted in TelevisionComments (2)

George Lucas Announces Ban on Special Effects

Star Wars creator George Lucas has created massive controversy by issuing an executive order outlawing all special effects in feature film productions.

The law, which will go into effect at the beginning of February, is described by the veteran filmmaker as “A necessary remedy after years of crappy screenwriting excused with exorbitant amounts of CGI.”

Birdemic: Shock and Terror director James Nguyen put forward a statement in support of Lucas, who he calls “An exceedingly talented genius capable of nothing but cinematic perfection.” Supplementing his encouragement is Tommy Wiseau, a close friend of Lucas and respected film director. Read the full story


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Disney Expected to Lobby for Term Extension

Many may not realize this fact, but because Frank Churchill died in 1942, the music of ‘Never Smile at a Crocodile’ from the feature length animated version of ‘Peter Pan’ is set to enter the Public Domain across the EEA on 01/01/2013.

As such, I fully expect the Walt Disney Company to start bribing lobbying the European Parliament as hard as it can to create an EU version of the MMPA Sonny Bono CTEA. Read the full story


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George Lucas Struggling to Spend 4 Additional Billion

George Lucas invented the Star Wars franchise, and with it, ushered in a new and previously unimagined era of movie merchandising. While he struggled to find ways to spend his first two billion dollars, he’s really at wits end now that he is saddled with four additional billion dollars.

Earlier this year the Disney Corporation purchased LucasFilms for $4.05 billion, and if you thought ol’ George had trouble burning through the first couple billion, his problems are now magnified by a factor of three. Read the full story


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Disney Closes Down the Public Domain

In its latest controversial move, the Walt Disney Company has recently acquired wordmarks on the names of several fairytale characters for literary and text based works, in addition to its wordmarks on the same names for all other purposes.

A spokesperson from Disney explained, “We felt it necessary to obtain these trademarks because while we thought the others would be sufficient to protect our characters from abuse, it turns out that people have been abusing them nonetheless. Read the full story


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Marvel Superheroes Humiliated By Disney Domination

Since it bought out the new, hot running Marvel Comic Movie Studio responsible for such blockbuster hits as Spider-Man, Iron Man and the X Men series, Disney Corporation has begun to institute major changes into the Marvel superheroes to bring them into the ‘Disneyesque’ way of doing things.

Too used to exaggerated violence, slinky sexy costumes and weird, non-earthly enemies, the superheroes were having a hard time conforming to the Disney way of doing things. Read the full story


Posted in Biz News, Talky PicturesComments (1)

Disney Tries Bold Corporate Takeover Of Entire Worlds Of Fantasy

Disney Corporation has made another great stride in its endeavor to control all possible realms of consumer fantasy. With a buyout of $4 billion in cash and stocks, the great Mickey has bought the upstart Marvel Comics franchise, the famous comic book non-conformists who created such legendary neo-mythical figures as the Hulk, Spiderman, Iron Man, the X-Men and other such spandex-clad heroes of our childhood. Read the full story


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Miley Cyrus Racing to Ditch Hannah Montana Franchise Pre-Scandal

All over the world, teens and tweens alike are clutching their Hannah Montana throw pillows and sobbing uncontrollably that their favorite television personality, Hannah Montana, is gearing up to shoot the last season of the Hannah Montana show.

According to a spokesperson for Disney Channel Worldwide, “The last episode will be bittersweet as we say good-bye to our little Miss Montana.” Read the full story


Posted in TelevisionComments (5)

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