Austin, Texas – Members of three rock bands were arrested last night in what the Austin Police Department called a “copyright sting.” The arrests took place in two Sixth Street bars.
“They violated copyright laws, so we busted them,” said Republican Representative Justin Dunning. “It’s time we put an end to these bands spreading their Liberal garbage.”
“This is a setup,” said Lauren Stevens, attorney for the band the Five Rogues. “This is just an extension of Texas Republicans trying to ban books. Now, they’re going after the music.”
Stevens referred to the ploy by Texas Republican Representative Matt Krause, who created a list of 850 books he claims make white students “uncomfortable.” Republicans are also now claiming that public school libraries have numerous books with pornographic images.
“We don’t know anything about music,” said Representative Dunning. “Or books. We don’t know anything about books either. Or governing. We don’t have the first clue about governing. We know a lot about pornography. And we like to say the quiet parts out loud.”
“These arrests are a bait and switch move by Republicans,” said Stevens. “It’s designed to take our attention away from several issues, including the failing power grid, the continuing assault on women’s rights, and the right to vote for people of color.”
Police reports obtained by The Spoof show that the bands were charged with unlawful performance of copyrighted material.
APD spokesman Charles Kruger said:
“U.S. copyright law states that bands performing in live venues, such as Austin’s famous Sixth Street bars, must either own the copyright, or be covered by the venues’ memberships in the various performance rights organizations. In most cases, venues that hire live bands belong to BMI, ASCAP, etc. – organizations that collect dues and then pay royalties to artists who own the copyrights.
“This was not the case with these two bars. Hence, the arrests,” said Kruger.
He declined to offer an explanation as to why the bars did not provide this legal service to the bands. He ignored questions about why the venue owners/managers were not also arrested.
“Yes, the bands technically broke the law,” said Lauren Stevens. “However, the venues that hire live bands almost always maintain memberships in BMI or ASCAP. It is common knowledge in the bar and live music business that the venue pays the rights organizations, allowing bands the freedom to play cover songs.”
“I did ask,” said Rogue’s manager Ben Little. “I was told, ‘don’t worry about it. We’ve got you covered.’ Obviously, that wasn’t true. Now my guys are in the city jail until we can bail them out.”
“Where they should be,” said Rep. Dunning. “We’re putting a stop to Liberal music.”
When pressed by reporters to define ‘Liberal music,’ Dunning said:
“Well, you know… it’s the Critical Race Theory, the Socialism and Communism, protecting the unborn, and the millions upon millions of illegal votes by Democrats, and the illegal immigrants in their caravans streaming over the border, raping, pillaging, and spreading the Covid.”
“This is a scam,” said Stevens. “They figured out how to lure bands into inadvertently committing a crime. It is yet another Republican scam of a non-problem in search of a solution. Representative Dunning is just babbling their favorite scary buzzwords to rile up the gullible base. The fact that no one from the two bars other than the bands being arrested or charged proves it is a scam. They even called it a ‘sting’ in the arrest report.”
“We Republicans are in no way smart enough to come up with such an elaborate plan,” said Rep. Dunning.
“Republicans think by announcing a ban on so-called ‘Liberal music,’ that they can put a stop to it,” said Stevens.
“Not true,” said Dunning. “Our fabulous governor banned rape from the great state of Texas. We banned abortion, we banned black and brown people from their legal right to vote. Oh, wait… I don’t think I was supposed to say that.
“We will also NOT say that we lured those bands into those gigs, and we will NOT say that we intentionally failed to pay the rights fees. Wait, what? Oh damn – I mean dang. I wasn’t supposed to admit that either. If you people report what I said, I will deny it.”
“We have you on multiple videos,” said Emily Mae of Austin television station KATX.
“What?” said Dunning. “You can do that? I mean to say, you can’t do that.”
“We can and we did,” said Mae.
“That’s a violation of mah freedoms of speech!” shouted Dunning.
“Actually, no, it’s not,” said another reporter. “You are making public statements, and we are well within our rights to video you making comments.”
“But, mah freedoms!” bellowed Dunning.
“He didn’t seem to care about those bands’ freedoms when he concocted this bullshit ‘Liberal music’ sting,” said Lauren Stevens.
“I don’t know what she’s talking about,” said Dunning. “I mean, I do, but I’m not supposed to admit that publicly. Oh crap – I think I did it again.”
“I told you this was a setup,” said Stevens. “Not only will the charges for all band members be dropped, but we have more than enough to file a lawsuit against Representative Dunning.”
“Ms. Stevens is forgetting that we Texas Republicans have a stranglehold on state government and the courts. We pretty much do what we want to. Oh my gosh,” said Dunning. “I don’t think I should have said that either.”