Title: Bye, bye, Ruthie, bye, bye! A Loving Tribute to RBG!
By Mark Wilt
I turned on the TV to watch the final shindig for that Judge Ginsburg woman. She did a lot for women and girls, I guess. Nobody said she molested them, though.
Her clerks lugged her body up an impressive set of marble steps as some black woman sang about how great America is.
“What do we expect to hear from Chief Justice John Roberts?” a sideline reporter asked some person.
Before he could answer, the Big Chief himself entered, carried on the shoulders of scantily-clad Associate Justices.
You could tell the justices never appeared in public before wearing only g-strings and pasties.
They dropped the Big Cheese head first on the marble steps and he crawled to the podium. He was shit-faced drunk.
“Thank you all for ditching work a couple hours to mug it up for Ruth. Goddamn, I miss her already.”
“She did wonderful things for women and girls and did not expect sex in return,” he croaked.
“I don’t have much more to say about her.”
He cleared the snot out of his throat and spat a majestic loogie on his shoes.
“Listen up: a cold cut buffet will be served inside in the reception area next to the female toilet. That was Ruthie’s special place until she couldn’t make it there in time and she had to wear diapers which we paid for out of the Court budget”
“The Ladies Auxiliary of the Supreme Court have busted their butts to provide a nice table for you all. They been up since 4:00 in the morning, hustling the bologna and corn beef vendors down there off D street. Those wonderful women all wrinkled and close to death haggled like the Jew housewives of Ruth’s native Brooklyn.”
“We got a cash bar for the DC alcoholics fighting hangovers: Bloody Mary’s, tequila, bitters’n brandy, and grain alcohol for Mitch, Lindsay, and Gomer.”
“After lunch, Jim Jordan invites you to feel the muscles of his splendid body. Speaking of feel, you can diddle your kiddies in front of him. He won’t care.”
“Got a funny story involving Ruth Ginsburg save it for lunch time. Remember when she conked out during the State of Union? Goddamn, that little Jew could snore!”
Roberts leaned back too far and fell directly on his ass. The nearly nude associates ran over to carry him away.
“You cocksuckers get your hands off me!” the Chief screamed. They managed to hustle him off to the cheers and whistles of the crowd. Brennan’s g-string slid down his butt to expose his hairy ass crack.
Reporters later asked President Donnie Treason about his nominee to replace Ginsburg. The president forgot to put on his pants that morning, and a long rubber penis extended from his crotch to the ground. The White House released a statement insisting the penis was real.
Anyway, President Treason introduced Judge Amy Three Names who sharpens the end of her broomstick to a fine point before she shoves it up her ass. She adopted two kids from Shit Hole City, Haiti. Are these children being held as slaves and forced do all the housework? This possibility should be investigated.
Fuck it all. I chugged down my morning Valium and vodka and passed out.