226
Suggestion —
Instead of calling coronavirus
the “Chinese virus,”
let’s call it the “Trump virus”
or “Donny’s hoax.”
227
How to enforce social distancing —
add to the nation’s water supply
a chemical that induces
mild autism
so we have no desire to interact with other people.
228
Suggestion:
A new kind of legal partnership —
coronavirus marriage,
committed cohabitation for the duration.
229
Autism is a mutation
well-suited for a pandemic of this kind.
The autistic may be mankind’s best hope for
survival as a species.
Everyone else should mimic the social distancing
that comes naturally to them.
230
It is so reassuring to hear Trump say
that he is fabricating much-needed
medical supplies and equipment.
He is a master at fabrication.
231
Sucking
a life saver
e is
die perfect lieder
die unsong nero
wherever
e goes
e nos
and nose
snot
what e
non dis clothesed
with maga
zine
fold-out
quality
x pert
advice
from die Easter
playboy bunny.
may dis
go viral
with die greatest of e is.
232
Congress enacts coronavirus stimulus #53 —
$10K per person
to everyone who volunteers to die
at home
and self-cremate
(using home kit)
233
Product idea:
Perfumes designed to make you stink,
to promote social distancing.
234
Social distancing, the eleventh commandment —
Thou shalt not covid they neighbor.
235
Oh my darlin’ Quarantine.
Favorite dinner-for-one dish —
Stir crazy beef.
236
When he ran out of toilet paper
and couldn’t buy any,
he turned on cable
and selected paper view.
237
He was the perfect social distancing date.
Instead of flowers,
he brought toilet paper.
238
Of course Trump put Pence
in charge of the task force.
That was his normal function as virus president.
239
Etymology matters.
If the science were called epirepublicanology
instead of epidemiology,
Trump would trust it.
240
The oracle said
the plague was punishment for the sins
of the white man in the white house.
“Repaint! Repaint!
or the end is near!”
241
He would pray to the Lord,
but the Baron is his son,
and that would be inappropriate.
242
He was afraid to go to the grocery store
because of the spreading virus.
But he couldn’t fall asleep.
So he filled his shopping cart with bananas,
since he’d heard it’s easy to sleep on banana peels.
243
She kept a supply of MAGA hats,
and every time she heard Trump on TV,
she ran one thru her shredder.
She explained.
“His voice is grating,
without a shred of truth.”
244
The new normal —
now when a prophet proclaims
“The end is near!”
everyone cheers,
because we are afraid that it will never end.
245
Greeting card for coronavirus survivor:
Trump bet your life
and you won.
Congratulations.
Do you feel bettor now?
Or bitter?
246
While engaged in
tele-education
and tele-medicine,
don’t forget tell-a-story.
That’s sole food.
247
Easter thought —
Pontius Pilate washed his hands.
because he didn’t want to spread the coronavirus.
248
Meat processing plants?
It might be that not just close proximity promotes the spread,
and not the meat that they process,
but ventilation systems common in such plants.
(This is no joke).
249
Many college students are 19-year-old women.
If and when colleges reopens, be sure to maintain sex feet of distance.
Beware of coed-19.
250
How to get Trump to take coronovirus seriously —
keep statistics on how many of the deaths
are of people who voted for and against him.
251
When Trump graduated from con school,
he took the hypocritical oath.
252
Bad choice of words.
To Trump and his followers
a pandemic must be caused by Dems.
253
Likewise — academic, epidemic —
all fake news created by dems.
254
This will be known as the Post-Pandemic era PP
or pee pee
or piss poor.
255
Yesterday didn’t do well, but he passed.
Today is the president, and that’s hell.
Tomorrow will be the few tour,
an unexpected adventure.
256
Shortage of swabs slowing down testing?
Call in the Navy.
They must have millions.
Don’t they swab the decks?
257
New franchise joining the ranks of Toys-R-Us and Kids-R-Us —
Vir-Us.
Where you can buy all your masks, gloves, and other PPE.
258
Ventilators?
What about ventilation systems?
Those could be how the virus spreads so rapidly in ships, nursing homes, and factories.
259
New reality TV show —
Strangers meet virtually and have to decide if they want to meet flesh-to-flesh,
despite the coronavirus risk.
You Bet Your Life.
260
She always had a positive attitude,
until she got a positive test result.
261
Me, myself, and I are having a great time sequestered.
We’ve never been alone together like this before.
It’s a great opportunity to get to know one another.
262
As the shutdown extended into the second month,
he slept like a baby
who screams all night.
263
Name for holiday celebrating return to normal —
Godot Day.
264
Title for romantic coronovirus movie —
Terms of Infection.
265
“Peep! Peep!” said the bird.
“Pee Pee,” said the toddler.
“PPE! PPE!” said the nurse.
We’re all in this together.
266
In the new normal, gloves and mask will be known as hand and face condoms,
to appear in public without them will be as unacceptable as public nudity,
and the climactic moment in virtual strip shows will be the removal of the mask.
267
Trump campaign slogan —
Follow the golden fool.
268
Soap opera for coronavirus stay-at-homes —
Daze of Our Lives.
269
Query to the CDC —
Do social distancing restrictions apply to time travel?
If so, to travel to the past and/or to the future as well?
270
The PR exec would never marry.
She was proud to be known as “the Spinster.”
271
If and when this ends,
we should hold a massive protest in Washington,
call it a Mask-erade,
and make the wearing of a health mask a symbol of defiance and disgust at Trump.
272
The actress was the star of a mega-blockbuster movie,
but production was cancelled due to the coronavirus.
So now she lives in the trailer,
overlooking the see.
273
Trump believes in expert tease,
the naked truth.
Every night he prays,
“Now I lie me,
yet again.”
274
In addition to masks (intended to scare away the virus),
everyone should wear placebo ties
and hats with the new Trump slogan —
MAGGOT.
275
Injections are expensive and in short supply.
So Trump has ordered that they be replaced with interjections —
Oh! Ah! Bravo!
276
Co
vid
eo recorder —
six feet of separation,
true glove,
who shall we now ventilate?
virtual living,
virtual dying
vir
us
all of us.
277
Newton would have made a good pandemic czar.
He would have understood the gravity of the situation.
278
If there was a medicine for coronavirus
and we were to air-drop it to Japan,
that would be balms over Tokyo.
279
Thoughts on Palm Sunday —
If He holds the whole world in His palm,
would that we could read that palm
and spoke that wheel
well enough to turn these troubled times
to Balm Beach splendor.
280
Today, spring in all its glory
reminds me that T. S. Eliot
lived through the quarantines and death
of the Spanish flu,
which may have prompted his line —
“April is the cruellest month.”
281
She told her Dad,
“I’m getting used to virtual presence.
But please make sure Santa knows
that for Christmas I’ll need
real presents.”
282
When Miss Brown appeared on the screen,
Bobby proudly said —
“New York 50 miles,
Los Angeles 3000 miles,
Hong Kong 8000 miles.
“What’s that Bobby?”
“I’ve been studying hard, Miss Brown.
That’s my distance learning.”
283
Suggested name for the vaccine —
Godot.
284
Title for coronovius memoir —
“The Loneliness of the Social Distancing Runner.”