Ray Rice Condemns Couple for Wasting Produce

Baltimore, Maryland – “That’s not the foundation for a healthy relationship,” suspended NFL running back, Ray Rice, shouted to the media from his front doorstep, Friday morning, moments after seeing video footage of a couple in his own neighborhood discarding spoiled fruits and vegetables.

“Man, that couple needs a FoodSaver vacuum, stat!” Rice added, while shaking his hand loose after knocking out his 102-year-old blind neighbor because she told him that he was not as fast as he used to be. Read more Ray Rice Condemns Couple for Wasting Produce

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A Psalm for the Tea Party

1) The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want–to talk to liberals.

2) He maketh me lie down in untaxed green pastures: he leadeth me to the clear waters of pro-Gun states where I can shoot deer or thieves as God intended; no libs shall take my guns away.

3) He restoreth our souls to their Constitutional originals; he leadeth us down the righteous right-wing path where no left-leaning wingnuts lie in wait. Read more A Psalm for the Tea Party

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